One evening, my buddy John and me were in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart. We had put our beer and snacks in the truck and I was about to get in. I opened the door and this woman came up to me.
She yelled at me, "what do you think you are doing?" In a real shitty way.
I turned and looked at her and said, "going home to drink some beer, what's it to you."
"No, you're not. You're going to put that shopping cart up before you go."
I laughed, "are you kidding me? I ain't doing nothing lady. It doesn't matter."
"It most certainly does matter. It's because of inconsiderate people like you that these carts are a hazard all over this lot."
I was amused by her. Here was this woman, who I guess she thought was the cart police, trying to tell me what to do. I looked her up and down. She was a middle-aged woman about 5' 3". She had a nice face, but was a little overweight. Her hair was shoulder length brunette parted in the middle and curled at the bottom. She did have some big boobs. She was dressed casually but nice. She clearly thought a lot about her appearance and certainly thought a lot of herself. She was your typical Karen. I remember thinking she looked good enough that I would do her if she wasn't so bitchy.
I decided to play with her. "You put that cart up and then come drink some beer with us, how about it."
"You're an animal. I knew a neanderthal like you would have no concern for anyone but yourself."
Well, I'd had enough of this bitch. "I don't know what you got up your ass, but I'm outta here."
I got in the truck and left. I saw her taking the cart back to the rack. I laughed to myself about how she was willing to confront me. I admired her nice ample ass as she pushed the cart. I thought one of these days she's going to bitch at the wrong person.
John and I returned to our little rental house and started drinking our beer. We were contract welders working on a project nearby that had just finished. We both were 28 years old, strong and well-built from our years of manual labor. We had already packed up most of our stuff and were going to leave tomorrow, so tonight we could drink as much as we wanted, not having to go to work tomorrow.
Our rental was down a back road, a short cut between the town where the Wal-Mart was and halfway to another little town. It was a dark road with few houses, so we were surprised when we heard a knock at the door later that night.
I opened the door and wouldn't you know it, it was that same lady. Her eyes about popped out of her head when she saw me.
I laughed, "what did you come to write me a ticket for leaving my cart?"
She looked around as if not knowing what to do. Finally, she said, "my car broke down out there on the road. I don't have a phone signal. I need to call someone. Could I please use your phone?"
I said, "ain't karma a bitch - like you? It's funny how nice you are now that you need something from me. I don't know, you said an ape like me didn't care about anyone else but me."
She said, "Well I guess I'll just have to try to find a decent human being." She turned and walked to the edge of the porch and looked up and down the road. There were no lights in site. The next closet house was more than a mile in either direction. It was dark and it was starting to drizzle.
I said, "suit yourself, Karen."
She turned and said, "I just need to use your phone to call my husband. I won't bother you for anything else."
"So, I guess you are not too stuck up to ask for our help if we are the only ones around. Well, as you have already seen, cell phones don't work way out here and we don't have a working house phone. John's pretty handy with cars, come on in and we can have him take a look at it."
She stood there for a while trying to decide what to do. I could tell she didn't want to come into the house with us two. "I can just wait out here. I don't want to impose on you."
"What? Now you're too good to come into our house? You want our help and then you insult us?"
"No, I just don't want to be a bother."
"You sure didn't mind bothering me earlier. Do whatever you want. Wait out here in the cold if you want." Reluctantly she relented and came into the house. She looked around hesitantly and finally sat down in a straight chair sitting against the wall.
I told John to go look at it, but tell me what he found before he let her know anything. Then I sat down on the couch and finished the beer I had been drinking. I sat there just staring at her. Neither of us said anything. She looked around nervously.
"So, Karen, what brings you out our way?" I asked flatly.
"Mary," she said sternly. "My name is Mary. You can quit being cute. I know what you are trying to imply.
I chugged the rest of my beer and held out the can. "Want one?" She shook her head no.
"Well, I do. How about you get me another one, Mary. There in the fridge and go ahead and get you one too." And I pointed toward the kitchen.
She looked at me like who did I think I was ordering her around. I could tell she wanted to tell me to get it myself. But her expression changed when she realized she needed our help, so she got up and went and got me a beer.
I actually got a little aroused when she came back out and handed me the beer so obediently. "Where's yours?"
"I don't want one. But thank you for your hospitality."
"What? You don't drink beer?"
"I do occasionally, but I don't care for one just now."
"Oh, I get it. You're too good to drink with me. You want me to drink alone."