"Madhu, just do the jobs you are given. If I can get you a good audition then I will," Roshan my agent tells me in a frustrated tone.
"I want an audition for a fil-um. I am sick of these modelling and dancing gigs," I respond in my own frustrated tone.
"Just leave it with me and I will see what I can do," he tells me.
I grew up in a small village in Northern India. I was the 8th child in a large family but I had grand dreams. My family was poor but I always felt special. I had fair skin and I was tall for an Indian girl. I was often complimented on my beauty.
From an early age I had a fascination with Bollywood and dancing. I loved the glitzy dance numbers in Bollywood films and I always wanted to be a part of this world.
I would practice the routines at home from my favourite movies but the time I really got to show what I could do was at family and friend's weddings. These were often grand events and I loved doing dance routines with eyes on me.
I had entered various local talent shows and won a few trophies by 18.
At the age of 18 I had some big decisions to make. My family was poor and I was seen as a burden so they had arranged for me to be married.
So I ran away to Mumbai. I was going to make it at any cost. It had been 2 years since I had arrived and I had made very slow progress. Initially I knew no one and worked various jobs before I landed my first paid modelling job.
I then hired Roshan as my agent. He had promised to get me Bollywood jobs but all I could land was events jobs and modelling jobs.
If this went on I would be too old for Bollywood.
I finished my job at 11 and got a rickshaw home. The truth was I hated travelling in the city at night and I never felt safe. I would change into a very conservative sari for my journey back despite most of these events requiring me to wear revealing clothes. I never wanted to give a man an excuse to try anything.
A few days later I had a call from Roshan. It was unusual as I usually called him to chase up jobs and auditions. He was struggling to find me work but the only one that would take me on and believed in me.
"My precious little Madhu, how are you today?" He said in a surprisingly cheery tone.
"So and so. How is my precious Roshan?" I say mimicking him.
"Roshan has some so and so good news," he says mocking me back.
"What is it? An audition?" I ask excitedly.
"Yes. But not just any audition. An audition with Sanjay Panjari," he said as I squealed with excitement.
Sanjay Panjari was a name I had heard of so this was always good news. He had made some of my favourite movies.
"But look I want to warn you. He often makes strange requests at auditions. You must just smile and do whatever it takes. Do not fuck this up or this will be the first and last audition I get for you," he says as a firm warning.
"Do not worry. I just need one chance," I say excitedly.
The audition is at a studio set in the city. It is deserted on this day as it is a non-filming day. The security guard lets me in and directs me to where Mr Panjari is.
I enter the set to see Mr Panjari is stood next to another older gentleman. He looks to be slightly older with grey hair. There is a young man that is running around with a clipboard and he shows me in and introduces me to Mr Panjari and the older man is introduced as Mr Sharma who is a producer for the movie and the financial muscle behind the movie.
"It seems that we have only you left to audition. Is it just Madhu? Or is there a surname?" Sanjay asks with a disarming smile.
"Just Madhu. That is my stage name," I reply.
"I guess that is all we need. Rikki you can leave early. We have just the one audition left," Sanjay says as he undoes his tie and leaves untied and loose around his neck.
Rikki leaves and I am just left with Sanjay and Mr Sharma.
Sanjay is skinny and wiry but Mr Sharma is larger and has a rotund belly. His looks make me uncomfortable and his silence only adds to my discomfort.
"Have I seen you in anything before? You look familiar," Mr Sharma asks.
"I have done some modelling but this will be my first acting audition," I reply.
Sanjay and Mr Sharma exchange a glance as I say this.
"The character you will be playing has a small but pivotal role. She is a dancer girl that is raped and murdered. It sets up the whole movie," Sanjay explains. The story is dark and shocks me.
I pick up the script to do my lines when Sanjay stops me.
"You need to wear the sari for this scene," Sanjay says as nods towards a partition at the back of the set. I go behind the partition to find the sari. I am shocked to find that by sari Sanjay is just referring to the pallu. The pallu before me is see through. I am shocked frozen for a few seconds as my brain is unable to think. I think about complaining and asking for the rest of the sari but I remember Roshan's words. I need to just smile and do whatever it takes.
I take off my clothes until I am just in my panties and bra. I put my hand behind the sari and I can clearly see it which reveals how see through it will be. I feel nervous as I begin to drape the sari around me.
I know my bra and panties are clearly visible through the sari but I clench my fists as I release the nervous tension in my body.
Mr Sharma straightens up in his seat and moves to the edge as he watches me. His eyes are burning through the flimsy sari and I feel so exposed. Sanjay is also watching me but he seems to be assessing me more than anything.
I feel nervous and a little excited at being watched in this way.
I read a few lines but they act bored like they are not really paying attention and it makes me more nervous and tense.
"I think I have seen enough," Sanjay says dismissively.
"Sir, I need to be able to act the scenes to show what I can do. I will be perfect, I promise," I plead.
He whispers something to Mr Sharma and Mr Sharma nods in agreement with him. I breathe a sigh of relief as I see this as another chance.
"Ok. We will move on to the next scene and Mr Sharma will act out the scene with you. It is the dance number and Mr Sharma will play the customer," Sanjay explains.
I am eager to please and nod my head vigorously.
Sanjay gets up and comes on to the stage beside me. I feel even more nervous. He runs through the steps with me and I was always a quick learner when it came to dance steps.