The local supermarket was its usual busy self. On a weekend, one cannot simply walk into the store, grab the few items he or she needs, and walk back out without a little hustle and bustle. On this day, my girlfriend and I were needing to fill up the refrigerator. We made the boneheaded decision to go on a Saturday morning. That would be our first mistake. Unfortunately, we were not the only boneheads in the building; what seemed like thousands of boneheads were sprawled about the store, all trying to get the essentials, all willing to forego sanity and order for eggs and a gallon of milk or two. We figured we would start out going for the more oddball items first, and hope the crowd dispersed.
Walking down the spices aisle, we bumped into at least five carts and may have ran over a small child. We needed some salt and pepper, and, apparently, we were going to have to fight for it.
"I mean, I know we picked a bad time to come shopping, but good lord!" Kelly said as we forced our way through, her blonde hair looking more frazzled than when we came in. "Babe, can you squeeze in there are try to grab us the salt and pepper?" I nodded. No, my name is not Babe, it's Charlie, so stop asking. Some people say I look like a baby though. I'm pretty short and skinny, so I'm good at squeezing into places. Both of us are, actually, but I'm the man, so I have to do all of the hard work. 2016 my narrow ass.
I squeezed over the cart and managed to get my mitts on the shakers. Just as I yanked back, two people closed in, but I was able to narrowly escape with my life, and my groceries. "Got 'em!" I chirped, casually tossing them into the cart.
"My hero," Kelly mocked. "Ok, we still need sugar. That should be pretty safe, it's in the inside track. Are you ready?"
"Ready," I said, and we wheeled around the aisle. There it was, the sugar. Unfortunately, there were two massive girls in the way. And when I say massive, I mean huge! Each of them had to be at least 600 pounds and were over seven feet tall. They were wearing white tank tops that didn't cover their bellies, and short jean shorts that looked like they would be tight on an elephant. Each of them legitimately took up half of the aisle. If they were standing across from each other, there would clearly be no getting through. They stood adjacent but across, so there appeared to be a tiny amount of space between them.
"Gross," Kelly muttered under her breath. "You mind?"
I sighed, and walked towards them. As I got closer, I saw just how truly large these girls were. They looked super young, with creamy white skin bulging out of their tanktops. Also bulging were their huge boobs. One thing about my girlfriend was that she was small chested, I'm talking A cup. These two had watermelons sitting on their chests, and that's no exaggeration. Their white tanktops were being stretched beyond imagination, with breast flesh spilling out over the top. Also of note, where their nipples were, theoretically, there were wet spots, as if their nipples were sweating or something. Not that I was staring. Their shorts were struggling to keep in the massive thighs of these monsters, with their legs expanding immediately out of the jean shorts. Neither had a cart, and they appeared to be deep in conversation, probably about something dumb.
"Excuse me," I said as I approached the two. They both turned to look at me, their breasts bobbing up and down. Speaking of boobs, theirs were essentially eye level with me. They didn't make much effort to move (not sure if they physically could), choosing instead to just lean back a bit and let me try to navigate between them. I turned sideways facing away from the first girl and began side stepping my way through. I could feel her wet breasts rubbing against the back of my head, including my neck. I arched to try to avoid it, but the other girl was right after, and was facing me. I figured if I turned just right, I could avoid the boob I was now facing but still avoid the one behind me. I executed perfectly, just missing the first. But just as I made my turn, the boob that was now behind me pushed forward, shoving my face into the first girl's huge tit. My face was right on her wet nipple. I was freaking out now. I had just sexually harassed this massive woman. She could beat the shit out of me, or just squeeze me to death.
"What do you think you're doing, little man?" the girl asked, laughing. "Trying to get some titty milk? Your skinny ass girl over there isn't gonna give you any." Was this milk? I wasn't about to taste it. I tried pushing off of it, but the boob behind me was so big and heavy I couldn't move it.
"Look at him trying to get out. He's so little!" came another voice. "And he's just the right size. His mouth fits right on your nipple when he's standing up."
