My Alter Ego

Authors Note: The story you are about to read for the most part is true. I have lived in South Africa, Switzerland, Washington D.C. and Rome and now am living with my husband near Paris, France. The name I have assumed for my own sexual experiences is "Vixen," the alter ego of a model. Now I have written different stories about my life; my inner mind and psyche, my experiences and the flaw in my character, my weakness for sex, about how I could have said NO, but I let things happen to me. Perhaps some of you will relate to my real life experiences and sexual desires while some of you will undoubtedly fantasize about them and me.

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AT MY ALTER EGO, AT A WHORE CALLED VIXEN

I like to paint you the picture … I like to take you to take a look in my large bedroom, it's a beautiful large room. The house is located in a very peaceful park outside Paris, with old age trees on a large property.

But also the place where I have, late at night when my husband is away on one of his many business trips, I am alone my thoughts return to the erotic experience I have made with different men and women.

I have these dark thoughts and delicious fantasies in my head, thoughts full of burning passion and lustful desires, delicious depraved thoughts about being a instrument of pleasure, being exploited as a sex slave by different men and women.

While I caressing myself, I am unable to stop myself, the need of my body is overriding everything, all I can think is the nagging heat between my legs. I am powerless to stop myself, as my mind is filled with images of men filled with images of men using me for their pleasure, roughly pawing my breasts and pinching my hard nipples increasing the burning desire.

It feel so good, pushing myself to the edge, my fingers slipping inside my wet cunt, running madly across my clit, my eyes tightly closed and I tremble slightly from the dark thoughts I have. Thought which are about the violence of sex and the sexuality of violence.

I feel shame and guilt at the thoughts of being a whore, wanting to reveal myself to different men and women. This thought of depravity is making me afraid of myself, looking at my desk and thinking about the two gardeners my husband employs. If they look at me, to them I am a snobby bitch, but if I feel their eyes on me, I feel out of control.

When I am alone with them on the days the maid has her days off, early in the morning I making them coffee. I see how they look at me, it make me feel unfortable, but to be polite to them I sit with them at the table, I cross my legs and feel their eyes on my body, knowing that I wear only a tong and black silk garters and silk stockings and nothing else under my silk morning coat, it is giving me a real dirty trill how they stare at my long legs and my breasts. I feel how my body is betraying me, my hard nipples clearly visible through my morning coat.

If I am honest, deep inside I want them to grab and force me, tying my arms behind my back, opening my morning coat and pushing their hands between my tights, grabbing my boobs, twisting my nipples and treating me without any respect, humiliate me, use me completely, exploiting me as their whore, making me expose myself to them and their common friends. Making me bent over the table and fuck me, making me open my legs for them, letting them take turns.

It scares me knowing once I give in to them, these common men in their dirty jeans, I know I have to accede to their wishes, that this time I will not be able to turn back, perhaps I should not be foolish, accept the fact that I am a natural whore and stop my denial and let my sexuality flourish. Deep inside I want to do whatever men want me to do, to be exploited, turned into a money making, cock suck, street walking prostitute who is abused in dark car parking and never given me any kindness and being sold for profit.

My wonderful husband in my respectable life, is a true gentlemen who has no idea about my dark cravings inside my pretty head. He likes me meticulously groomed, dressed in designer clothes, long stylish skirts, cashmere sweaters, silk blouses and conservative shoes, above all he does not approve at all of my teasing and my flirting with his some of his friends. He is often on business trips and then I spend my days shopping, going to lunch with friends.

He has no idea that I am a natural exhibitionist who thinks about being displayed in public, how easy it would be to turn me into his slut whore, serving the needs of his business friends and others, the needs of strangers. I see the admiring glances I get from his friends, undressing me and I love it to be at the center of attention.

But first an introduction, imagine a spoilt and educated former model (29), 5.10", 112 lbs., 37C-25-35. I know I turn heads when I walk into a room and have been told I have nice long legs and beautiful eyes. But above all I am aristocratic, spirited and elegant, but under my expensive clothes I am very sexual orientated with a insatiable appetite for sex.

I know I have a body that attracts men like flies, I see how our gardeners watch and look at me, especially when I wear chiffon, they gaze through the semi-transparent material at my full breasts, I see how they strip me nude with their eyes and it always turns me on how men stare at me, I feel my nipples stiffening and my pussy is getting wet when they violate me with their eyes.

I am very well educated and fond of hats, high heels and sexy outfits, often wearing nice designer clothes or tailored business suits. I mostly like beautiful dresses or suits from Chanel, YSL, Gucci or Dior, but love especially dresses from Azzedine Alaia which are extremely tight and sexy.

I prefer short skirts, silk tight shirts and nice elegant blazers from Chanel, with sexy black silk or lace underwear mostly from La Perla with black lace stocking from Fogal, spiked high heels and of course nice hats, making me look respectable and reserved, just like the aristocratic snobby bitch I am.

I love to sleep naked between silk sheets and am sometimes all alone, married to a much older gentlemen, that's also the time my large bed is empty and like to read erotic stories about sex slaves, stories full of burning passion and lust.

Now, I sit then in front of my computer, only a Japanese silk robe, with my legs wide apart and get some very extensive fantasies, sexual fantasies about complete sexual servitude and old men who control and exploit me sexually as their pleasure slave, their sex toy.

Thoughts which torment me daily when I am alone and bored with my high sex drive, masturbating, thoughts full of burning passion and lust, delicious depraved thoughts about being exposed, exhibited and being used like a instrument of pleasure.

These fantasies and conflicts are about fulfil my purpose, I know deep inside for what women are born are to serve, for which I was born, being used on my back and on my knees, being exploited at private men's club or at private parties, dressed like a slut on stiletto heels wearing a minimal amount of lingerie.

They dress me in a minuscule thong g-string and a very explicit camisole in black fishnet, revealing my big breasts which captures my essence, making me look trashy with my stiff red nipples sticking just out of the fishnet, nipple meat wanting to be touched and squeezed.

Making me look exactly what I am deep inside, made to be a cheap whore with a hot body to be fucked.

A arrogant high class bitch who is treated like a slut at parties, being held down, being fondled, fingered and how the take turns, fucking me like a bitch in heat, knowing at the end I will be taken out in public, being exposed and exhibited as a whore to older men, big rough men, the kind of men who look at a beautiful women like me and take her with or without her consent and turn her into a devoted pet, a cum craving slut.

The kind of man who looks at my breasts, my legs in the way he likes, verbally abusing me, squeezing my tits, ripping off my expensive clothes. The kind of man who takes me without any respect, brutally using me sexually, devouring me, finally breaking my haughty spirit completely.

This kind of men exude savage strengths, dangerous men. These men walk through life and anything they see is theirs for the taking.

To be honest, I consider myself a intelligent and sophisticated women, not an easy pushover, but inside I am a bad women, dreaming about being humiliated, being punished for my teasing. I feel my nipples getting hotter and hotter, but I read on, feeling the smoldering fire growing in intensity between my thighs.

My husband in my real and respectable life, is a true gentlemen who gives me all the freedom as well as the luxury I am used to and need, but he has no real idea about my dark cravings inside my pretty head. He has no idea about my dirty dreams when I am alone in our big bed between the silk sheets, making me feel dirty and used when I wake up.

Like last night when I was alone I had several dreams but there is one what does not want to go away despite how many times it wakes me. In my dream I was going back to the summer before going to the University for the first year, staying at the estate of my uncle and his wife Monique at his castle in France which influenced my life and the dark dreams have been following me ever since.

It happened one hot summer afternoon, I was coming home late from riding my horse and when I came in the stable the lights were out except for in the back. After I had unsaddled my horse I put him away, heard a noise and thinking it was my Uncle I went to the back.

Then all of a sudden before I realized what happened, a madman I was grabbed from behind by a guy who pulled my arms on my back, I panicked and tried desperately to resist; he threatened me. I was sweating, struggling, tried to kick them but I could not break free and he dragged me to the back of the stable.

Then two other guys came into the light, they were big men, big and very dirty and wear ski masks. I heard them laugh while they looked at me.

One of them held a big stiletto knife waving in the air, telling me to behave, to do well or I would get hurt. They allowed me a moment for the reality to sink in, and started to touch my cheek and slowly went past my throat touched and told me to shut up and do as was told.

You have no idea how afraid I was I was just standing there. The guy with the knife told me they had seen me in the village, showing off my tits real good and shaking my ass at everybody, they liked haughty little bitches like me. I was scared, speechless, I had never been subjected to such indignities. I tried to object, screamed and tried to kick, tried to moved but they held me, then he slapped me hard across my mouth, It really hurt and I tasted blood. I have never been hit by anyone in my life, I felt sick and I knew what would happen.

This were really horrible men and I felt so alone, they were very powerful, I started to cry, did not want to think what was going to happen to me, but I now I still know in reality, I was becoming aroused.

They knew I would ride everyday and that my uncle was in Paris. I was just a rich arrogant bitch, who should know better. Then the guy who was standing in the back grabbed my hair an puled me back, the other grabbed the front from my blouse, ran his hands over my breasts, pinching my nipples, pressing hard. He reached down and lifted my miniskirt, feeling his hand move. Before I knew what was happening he started to open my silk blouse. I struggled, begged him to stop, looked in his grinning eyes but this was a hard and dirty men. No compassion, a rough worker, only lust and wicked, very wicked.

I stared into his eyes, as he started to cut the bottoms of my blouse, popping one button after another without a word, pulled it open, grinning, looking at my black lacy bra, looking at my breasts and a squeezed real hard and laughed, later ripped my blouse off my body and I was just standing there, he looked at me as if appraising a piece of meat, he looked me up and down.

The other guy went with his knife slowly over my lips, my neck and over my breast and then cut my black silk bra and removed the shreds. I still remember how he looked at my breasts, telling me I got real nice tits, I saw his a hand move in my direction, instinctively started to move to avoid him again, tried again to object, begged, cried. I struggled and did not want to give myself to such a repulsive man, I felt my nipples tingling and my pussy getting wet, how could I do what they wanted, to open my legs for men I despised.

But I was helpless, I stood frozen and made no attempt to resist, I accepted my faith as he found the zipper of my skirt and opened them on both sides and he pulled my skirt off. I was naked in front of them and could see how he watched me, and I begged them to stop, begged them not to hurt me, but he laughed and I knew what was going to happen.

Then he reached between my legs, I tried to squeeze my legs, begging with them, what could I do. He was a savage, a cold monster, brutal, his hand slides between my legs and starts to rub up and down. Then he reached out with both hands and grabbed my breasts and started to squeeze then real hard, making comments that they were large and needed to be played with, as he is fondling my breast, rubbing my breasts, pinching and twisting my nipples so hard, that the pain is too much, making me cream out..

I heard them laugh, he started kissing my breast, sucking my nipples, I felt overwhelmed as they explored my body, they sucked on my neck, licked my ears. Dazed unable to think, ready to do what they wanted, knowing I had no choice, knowing it was only sex. As in a dream I was just standing there, while they looked at my body they made all kind of remarks, about my big breasts, about my trimmed pussy.

The guy behind me pulled my arms behind my back and grabbed my tits exploring them and began to squeeze my breasts roughly, tormenting me, pinching my nipples, pulling my nipples hard, twisting my nipples until I screamed, I could not escape them, his rough hands made me tingle, my nipples were soo hard and started to kiss my ear and biting my neck, I cried, begged and looked at the guy who stood in front of me, dark angry eyes, but I still can feel the other squeeze my breasts.

Later the other pulled my arms roughly on my back, made me stand on my toes and before I knew what was happening, knew they did not care, the one in front his hand moved quickly up between my legs again, until he touched me. I could feel how the other held me behind my buttocks, preventing from escaping his attentions. I was really scared, begged them please, No, began to struggle, tried to move my hips away but he held me with his big hands told me to hold till and to spread your legs he commanded, he continued to rub me, forcing to spread my legs farther apart.

His fingers slip between the outer lips of my sex, my head spun, I was biting my lips and I felt his fingers in my wet pussy, he slid his fingers in my slit obscenely in and out, started to laugh and slapped me, "open your eyes, open your eyes" making remarks I could not understand, most likely that I was wet. He told, I really liked it, my pussy was already soaking wet. He was right, there is nothing so exciting for a women then fear, especially for me. He forced my legs open and went inside and started to slowly finger fuck me, in and out, you have to believe me but I tried to stop him, I was trembling, resisting in any way I could but I could not resist, feeling the excitement like never before in my life, knowing they would have me, one way or another and just let them, like a common slut.

I started to get very aroused, still ashamed I closed my eyes, soon I started to enjoy it, I liked what they did to me, I submitted and moved my hips and wanted nothing else then to come. I was so ashamed the way it aroused not being able to control myself, it exited me, the wetness between my legs, my mind telling me that it was sluttish, it was wrong, this disgraceful and shameful behavior, what kind of girl enjoys it like this, being used against my will, I remembered how Ken had called me a whore, a slut. There was nothing I could do, I wanted it, it felt soo good, I felt like a slut but did not care anymore. He made me tremble when he rolled my nipples, twisting them, wanting to reach my climax at the hands of these big men, not caring anymore

But just before I could he stopped and told me I was a real cock tease and I had to suck first their cocks. I was ready at that moment to do anything, not wanting to anger these men. I got down on my knees on the dirty floor, they were standing around me and grabbed my hair, I hated these men, hated their rough hands, but I obeyed them when he guided me to the leader his cock, they held me and I started to concentrate on sucking their cocks and really got into it. They grinned down at me, made me swallow their juices, I could not resists their steady pumping, had cum all over my face, they made rude remarks when I cleaned them off.

Then he pushes me down, hard. I beg them not to be so rough, he laughs, telling me he likes to be rough. Then he is now between my tights, I twisted and struggled and tried to escape, I felt his magnificent cock against my outer lips, forcing his massive penis into my wet pussy. I screamed as he rapes me, I usually love it, but he is a savage, brutal, he is too big for me, he is hurting me. He doesn't care that he is hurting me. He is ruthless and I am sure he likes the fact that I am helpless as he violates me. I am screaming as he violates me, I cannot escape him and submit to him, I am defeated and try to relax and can't stop myself , I cannot resist him, it felt great, I start to respond, participate, enjoying it, breathing hard, the way his cock moves deep in my trobbing cunt, I wanted to be filled completely by these animals, moving and twisting my hips, I can't resist them as they ravished me, they defile me as I lay there in the dirt with my legs wide apart allowing them to do whatever they want, I surrendered, closing my eyes in agony, I trash wildly and play with my breasts, pulling my nipples, I hear them shout, he is whispering dirty words in my ear and he makes me into an animal with his words, it does not take long until I start to wrap my legs around him, enjoying the sex, needing it, that makes me such a good fuck, I was really getting into it wanting to reach my own orgasm, just like with Ken and his friends, I simple can't resist brutal men like that, as they work my tits, hurting my nipples, as they take their turns, making me lick their cocks, coming over my face.

But they were disturbed, there was a noise and I heard the car of my uncle. They leave me debased on the concrete floor and I see my uncle. But also very embarrassed, laying on the concrete floor. I was still very nude, tried to cover myself. I cubed my breasts, trying to hide my hard nipples. He said nothing, came to me and held me in his arms, but I also felt his hand on my ass and could feel how he touched my breasts, I started to cry. Then he picked up my skirt and slowly gave it to me, while I put it on he picked up my panties and my bra and looked at me and slowly took off his jacked pulled it over my shoulder and we went inside.

I saw how those dark eyes looked at me, at my face, with the dried cum of them and especially at my breasts and he smiled when he handed me my cut black bra, you have no idea what I felt, my pussy was trobbing and soaking wet. Inside the house he told me I should get dressed.

But since my experience in the stable those three guys were always on my mind, they still are. Thinking about them I wake up frustrated, I feel their rough hands, hear their voices and needing release, making me feel dirty and used when I wake up..