RECAP: I'm staying with my Mom's Best friend while she's away on vacation, and we've ended up in a strange sexual relationship which is in jeopardy of being exposed by her shrewish bitch of a daughter ... Tina, my Arch-enemy of sorts.
"GET YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON BOY!! IT'S MY DAUGHTER TINA!!"
I'm jarred out of a blissful sleep by Etta's panicked screeching. My heart skips a few beats as I realize that the whole of the home is inundated with the sound of someone screaming and banging on the door ... Etta's Daughter Tina.
My pants suddenly hit me in the face, tossed at blinding speed by Etta.
"HURRY UP!! SHE GONNA BE THROUGH THAT DOOR IN A MINUTE AND I REALLY DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!!
And with that, Etta was off down the hall, her footsteps magnified in thunderous impacts.
I didn't know what to do; I began trembling nervously and dropped my pants on the hard wood floor several times.
"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR MOTHER!!" Her fists were shaking the front door and I could hear the large glass window in the living room vibrating from the impact.
"I'M COMING GIRL!!" Etta called out to her offspring sounding half panicked.
I was flooded with fear and for some stupid ass reason; I scrambled under Etta's bed, pants in hand along with the remnants of my wardrobe. I just got caught by surprise. Everyone's had a moment like that where something jumped out at you or wasn't there when you expected it to be and shocked the shit out of you.
The hard wood floor cut into my belly and I was sure I had a splinter in one of my balls. I heard Etta fumble with the lock on the front door before finally opening it. The door swung open with a loud thud as it hit the wall. In my mind's eye I saw Tina shove the door open with a swipe of her arm. I didn't know what to do as I was now stuck under Etta's bed in a seriously conspicuous state of undress.
'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON-MOTHER?!! WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED?!! IT'S ONE THIRTY IN THE AFTERNOON!!" Tina demanded answers and I actually heard Etta stutter through an improvised lie. I couldn't believe Tina had that kind of pull over her own mother. If I tried something like that with my own mom, I'd be knocked into next week.
I heard Tina stomping around the house and upsetting things in her wake.
"OH, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!! ... Is Gene over here again mother? I swear you two are like fucking goats sometimes."
I didn't hear Etta's response, but I did hear a lot of scuffling and shoving in the hallway. It sounded like a fight as I fumbled around under Etta's bed finally managing to pull my pants (sans underwear) on. I followed this with an extremely difficult maneuver pulling my t-shirt on and scratching my elbows up in the process.
The scuffling seemed to be moving away from my general direction and I took this moment to slide out from under the bed and step into the hallway.
When I stepped into the hallway outside of Etta's bedroom, I saw Etta's half-dressed form draped over what I assumed to be Tina. Her big, juicy ass cheeks were exposed from her struggle with her daughter. I cautiously walked up to the two women ...
... Etta had Tina in a choke hold. She was covered in sweat and struggling mightily to keep her daughter under control. I didn't know what to do; I just knew that what I was seeing was ... fucked up.
"ETTA!!!" I suddenly found myself screaming.
The sound of my voice appeared to jar Etta out of the violence induced frenzy brought on by her daughter's sudden explosive appearance. Tina scrambled away from her mother loudly clearing her throat. When she finally regarded me, here was stinging hatred in her voice.
"What the hell are you doing here in my house?" Tina demanded.
It had been a couple of years since I had last laid unfortunate eyes on Tina. Her face had remained much the same, nearly devoid of features in its abject darkness of complexion, she still had the same piercing brown eyes and pronounced overbite. Her dark stringy, oily looking hair hung partially in front of her face from the struggle with her mother and she was breathing loudly.
Here was something different about her. I just didn't know what it was yet.
"He's staying with us for the week. His mom's on vacation and I promised to do her this one favor." Etta explained in an exasperated tone.
"Oh, that just GREAT!! Fucking nerd shit for a whole week!! THANKS MOM!!" Tina folded her arms across her chest.
She was wearing a white long sleeved shirt that had a thin hoodie attached at the shoulders. She was also wearing some form fitting guess jeans and a pair of shell toe Adidas.
I was more than a little offended by her attitude, I felt that she was woefully misinformed ... "I"- was supposed to be the one with the attitude.
She was the annoying bitch of a daughter who was beating on the door while I had been having one of the greatest days of my young life fooling around- with her mother no less.
I flipped Tina off.
Tina responded by kicking me in the abdomen with one of her patented sidekicks. I was thrown off balance and found myself rolling across the living room floor. Etta grabbed Tina's arm and the two began to struggle once more when the bell rung.
... I t was Gene with a bouquet of flowers and an awkward expression on his face.
Gene had come over to weasel his way back into Etta's good graces and more than likely her monstrous ass. He didn't blink at the disastrous scene before him and went immediately into his lovable rouge routine.
Strangely enough, Tina seemed to like him and he even placed his arms around both of them drawing them close to him. The man had to be the fucking Pied Piper of got-damn Hamlin or something the way he charmed those women and was off with Etta to the confines of her bedroom in moments.
Guess she just forgot about how I'd corn holed the shit out of her sphincter earlier this afternoon.
"Yeah Gene ole' boy ... I got her started for you." I thought spitefully and in moments I was more than a little bothered by a twinge of jealousy that ran through my body. I could actually hear the bed squeaking moments after they entered the room.
"What's your problem? You wanna watch or something?!!" I'd forgot that Tina was standing in front of me. I'd been blankly staring at Etta's door and I was sure my "Private Lessons" moment had expired.
Remembering how I'd rolled across the carpet after receiving a vicious side kick from Tina, I opted to leave the room.
"Better run pussy." I heard Tina growl as I walked down the hall and entered the room I had picked for myself. I really felt like getting a baseball bat and scrambling her fucking brains all over the carpet. I smiled at the thought but then worried what would happen if she didn't die.
At that thought, I got up from my bed and locked the door to my room.
I was laying on my bed lost deep in thought when there was a loud knock at my door.
It was Etta.
She was dressed in a flower print sundress. Etta explained that Gene was taking her out to dinner and that she had talked to Tina about being a little nicer to me (Fat chance-oh yeah and by the way ... thanks for the further emasculation bitch.).