I woke up, more like came to, a few hours later. When I opened my eyes, I still had a smile on my face as I looked at the clock to see it was a little passed 3 in the morning. I was thankful it wasn't later in the morning. It gave me a chance to clean up.
A slight noise drew my attention. I look down at my pillow and so the ear bud laying there. I looked over towards the screen to see it was face down on the pillow. I reached over, picked it up, and turned it towards me.
A new video had started. On the screen, a woman was riding a black man reverse cowgirl on a couch. There was a second black man standing on the couch beside the woman. She had his manhood in her mouth and was sucking him as she rode.
My eyes went wide at the sight. I had never seen anything like it. I felt a stirring down there. I reached down to feel the dildo was still in me from the earlier session. I was tempted to play again, until I started to remember the thoughts I had.
My eyes went wide as I remember my thoughts about Marcus. Immediately feelings of disgust and self loathing filled me. I couldn't believe I had done that while thinking of that asshole. Marcus may be the only black one I really know, but that was no excuse for what I did. I could have thought of an actor or an athlete but instead I had to think of him.
I immediately pulled the dildo out of me. I climb off the bed and went to the bathroom to clean it. As I was washing it, I saw myself in the mirror. I shook my head at myself in disgust. I then jumped in the shower and cleaned off. I felt so dirty and ashamed.
I made my way to the bed, stripped it and put on new sheets. I then crawled into bed. I laid there for a little bit. I then reached over and grabbed the tablet. I quickly deleted the browser history. I didn't want any reminders of what I did or thought.
I wish my mind was as easy to erase as the browser history was. A small part of me tried to justify the fantasy. I told myself it was just a fantasy and it would never happen. I said to myself that everyone has fantasies, even ones they should not have.
I told myself it would never happen. I was twice Marcus's age and he was 18, the same age as Kevin, my son.
Plus, I would never let the person that has put my son through hell touch me. Especially not sexually. As I drifted off to sleep, I swore I would never have those thoughts again. I would never look at that type of pornography again.
I did feel a little shame when I saw Kevin the next morning. Thankfully my mind was eased knowing he would never know those thoughts.
On Monday, Kevin actually came home from school somewhat happy. He told me that Marcus and his friends never said a single word to Kevin. I was happy to hear that and told him so. It was also a little sad that being ignored was Kevin's idea of a good day at school.
By the time Saturday rolled around, I had put all the thoughts of Marcus behind me. Or so I thought when he got there, I told him to cut the grass again. While he did that, I moved my vehicle out of the garage.
I grabbed one of my lawn chairs and sat it just outside the garage in the sun. It was a beautiful day, so I closed my eyes behind my sunglasses and just relaxed. It was already warm enough to be comfortable in the shorts and tank top I was wearing.
I closed my eyes and relaxed. When Marcus finished cutting the grass, he went into the garage and started to work. I didn't bother to look up or even open my eyes to watch. I think I might have dozed off for a bit.
I was brought back to the moment when I heard a small crash. I looked in the garage and saw Marcus standing over a box he must have dropped.
"Sorry. " He said as he looked over at me.
"It's okay." I replied as I looked at the box, recognizing it. "That is just some old college textbooks. Nothing breakable in there."
"Okay. Where do you want it?" Marcus asked.
"Just put it by the door into the house. I will go through it later." I replied as I watched him reach down and pick up the box.
I was a little surprised how easily Marcus was able to pick up the box. I remembered when my husband had put all the books in that box. He had trouble lifting it at that time.
At that moment, I realized I had made 3 mistakes. The first was having Marcus cut the grass. With the heat of the sun and the size of the yard, he must have started to sweat and took is shirt off.
The second was having him clean the garage with all the dusty boxes. The dust was clinging to his sweat body. The mixture caused his muscles to appear much more defined and beautiful.
The third mistake was allowing myself to admire his strength and his body. I didn't realize it right away, but I was starting to think back to last weekend and the pornography I had watched as well as the thoughts I had.
I started comparing Marcus's body to the body of the man in the video. That man was bigger, but Marcus was more defined. Once again, I wondered if Marcus was as big as the man in the video.
Just as this thought entered my mind, Marcus reached down to adjust his shorts and scratch. For a brief moment I thought I saw the outline of his manhood against the cloth of his shorts. If it was, then he was definitely as big.
I tried to change my thoughts. I didn't want to think them, but my mid was already in the gutter. I first thought of Marcus walking over to me, pulling his shorts down, and telling me to suck him. Then it drifted to him laying on the ground as I rode him.
I bit my lip as I kept looking at him as these bad thoughts ran through my head. I knew I wasn't just wet, but my panties were soaked. I couldn't sit still and started to squirm in the lawn chair. Moving from side to side and front to back. When I felt the side my panties press against my clitoris, I let out a soft moan.
I got my breath and hoped Marcus didn't not hear. He turned his back to me, but I could have thought I saw a smirk on his face before it disappeared.
"You know," Marcus started to say as he turned to look at me. "If you had that scrawny little shit do this, maybe he wouldn't be so scrawny."
"Don't call him that!" I snapped back.
Any lustful thoughts or feeling instantly died as I was brought back to reality. My anger and hatred returned as I remembered what Marcus had done to Kevin over the years. That Marcus was nothing more than a bully; an immature ass that treated my son horribly for years.
I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms as I scowled at Marcus. The smirk of his face fell and he went back to work. I sat there like that for the rest of the day, telling him where to put things.
I chastised myself for my earlier thoughts. How could I think those nasty thoughts about Marcus? I made myself feel a little better bully thinking he was just a boy and there was no way he knew how to please a woman, no matter how big he was.
When it was getting close to noon, I sent Marcus home. I didn't want him around anymore. Looking at him was making my skin crawl. I decided that next week, I would leave him alone to work. He knew where everything went and I didn't want to spend anymore time then I had to.
I was glad when noon came, and it was time for him to go. As Marcus left, I told him next weekend he would be finishing the garage. Although he made good progress, I figured it would still take him most of his time next Saturday to finish.
Once Marcus left, the only time he crossed my mind was when I asked Kevin how school was going. I wanted to make sure that Kevin was being left alone. Thankfully he was.
I started to wonder what was going to happen after Kevin left for college. It was only a few months away. Maybe I should start dating again.
That thought both excited and terrified me. It had been nearly two decades since I had been on a date. Judging from the movies and TV shows, the dating game had changed a lot. Especially the expectations of what was to happen on dates. I didn't know what to expect.
I decided to wait to wait till after Kevin was gone before dating again. That way there wasn't any awkwardness if a man stayed the night, or if things didn't work out, Kevin growing attached to the man.