I woke up with a terrible head ache. My body felt heavy, like it was still asleep. I stretched out my limbs luxuriously and took a deep breath through my nose. I paused; this wasn't home. My eyes snapped open. I looked around and sat up. I was in a room simply furnished with a nightstand next to the bed, a lamp on it, and an empty closet.
I got out of bed, ready to cautiously explore this new place. I took deep breaths. There was the scent of Silas everywhere, from me to the bed in this bedroom. I walked past a small kitchen and a bathroom not a window in sight. I walked to where the scent ended, and there stood a metal door. I cocked my head. Where was I? I felt panic rising in my chest, and something stirred and thrashed deep within me. I fought to keep myself in check. I was deeply afraid of that part of me; I couldn't let it get loose.
I started to wheeze. I was okay. I was okay. I kept saying to myself. My hands started to tremble as my wheezing continued. I knew I was having a panic attack, and trying to keep myself in check was an extra layer on top of that. I did a full-force kick to the door, trying to keep that part of me at bay. It didn't like to be caged, so when that didn't work, I kicked the wall. A bit of satisfaction arose within me when my foot easily busted through it. I extricated my foot from the wall and prepared for another kick.
When I heard keys rattling and the door knob turn, I ran behind a corner, preparing myself for a confrontation. I felt that deeply submerged piece of myself rise and bubble to the surface. Your fine, I kept repeating your fine; no need to confirm it to them. I was prepared to face many people, so when I peeked from behind the corner and saw a pair of white-socked feet gray sweat pants, my eyes continued to travel upwards. With a white t-shirt tucked into said sweat pants, I forced myself to look at the face, my head cocked in confusion. I quickly looked around, but it was only him. Silas? I breathed, he smiled warmly. Come on out, Sarah. I shook my head and countered, Where am I? He replied matter a factly my home, or at least in a part of it. How did you know I was awake? I shot back. I heard you he replied. My eyes narrowed.
Could you see me when I woke up before I made noise when I was just in bed? He nodded. I have cameras placed all over this space for your safety. To make sure you are not hurting yourself, come on out, Sarah; we have matters to discuss. I shook my head, unwilling to oblige him. He strolled closer to the corner I was hiding behind, and I shrank against the wall. Then I turned to face him completely. I ran, barely evading his sweeping arm. As I ran to the still-open door, no wait! I heard him boom. I slipped through the open metal door, only to be stopped by a second metal door about 10 feet behind the first one. I pounded on that one and kicked and shouted for help, hoping that anyone on the other side would let me out. The hairs on my neck prickled and rose. I felt Silas's presence before he placed his hand gently on my shoulder.
The piece of myself I had fought so hard to suppress reared up in response to his unexpected touch, and I nearly couldn't contain it. Panic took over, and I struck out at him, my small fists glancing off his chest. He caught my wrist on the second attempt, and I tried to pull out of his grasp. but he held tighter. He then gently pulled me from the hallway back through the first metal door. I kicked at him, putting all my weight back into resisting, but he just picked me up, holding my wrists easily in one hand and holding my legs together by the crook of his other arm. I flailed and twisted, trying to get free, but my strength like this was no match for his. He let go of my hands, and he put his knee on my pelvis, digging painfully into it. as he shifted his weight to take something from a shelf, and I heard the rip of tape as he pulled it from the roll and wound it around my ankles.
I kicked out, but he easily quelled that. I tried slapping him, but he caught my wrist, encircling it in cold metal. He had taken it from his pocket. He held the other empty cuff tightly in his hand, and with the other hand, he was wrestling mine into the empty cuff. Soon, both wrists were encircled in cold, hard metal. He removed his weight from me, and I lay on my side exhausted from fighting his much larger form and strength. The wheeze of the panic attack returned with force. I took deep wracking breath, trying to ascertain where I was. Silas still smelled like home. I recognized the scent of the late summer air still clinging to his clothes.
All I could smell was him, no others, but still, I had to be sure, and I spat out Osiris. Silas looked confused for a moment and said, No, I'm Silas, remember? I nodded. This wasn't Osiris doing. I wouldn't have such free rein or nice of a space if it were. It seemed Silas acted alone in this. Why? I choked out. He put a finger to my lips and said, Calm down. You're having a panic attack. Are your hands numb? My hands were numb and shaking from my wracking, panicked breaths. He held me tightly in his arms, rocking me slightly.