Seeing your girlfriend, your fiancée, your future wife, being raped in her sleep by your friend probably should cause some kind of response like anger at the friend and compassion for the girlfriend. But, I had none of these. The only thing I felt after watching the rape was stimulation. At first, I thought that I should be repulsed by my own response. I knew how I should feel, but I just didn't feel that way.
I often thought of that night. I played it over and over in my mind and every time it aroused me again. I had never seen anything like that before and had never thought it would excite me. If I had thought of it before, I'd have assumed it would bring the expected response. I should have become the angry boyfriend. I should have protected her honor. But, I didn't and I didn't regret that decision.
I was surprised that my girlfriend, Denise, knew nothing about it or at least she never showed that she knew about it. My friend, Thomas, however, became distant. He couldn't look her in the eye anymore and could barely bring himself to talk to me. I supposed that after the act he now looked back with regret and found it hard to face us. I wanted to tell him that I was fine with it and indeed wanted to find a way to make it happen again, but I couldn't find a way to approach him. So, eventually we lost touch all together. Soon after that I left for medical school anyway and lost touch with most of my friends from my college years.
At medical school, I found that I had trouble at times concentrating on my studies. My thoughts seemed to drift to that night. I imagined different scenarios how I could make it happen again. I began to form plans in my mind. I tried to tell myself I was only daydreaming and would never actually do it, but my plans became so concrete that I started to think I could.
One night when Denise had come to visit me, I masturbated over her while she was sleeping and played out the fantasy in my head. I was pleased to find that my moaning and ejaculation on her bare pubic area did not rouse her from her sleep. She was a very deep sleeper, which raised my excitement even more as it seemed my fantasies were more possible as a reality.
I began to make my plans. In my mind I tried to pretend that it was just a fantasy, that I would only go so far, and that the actual act would never happen, that I was only going through the motions to enhance the fantasy. But, as my plans came together, it became obvious what I was going to do. I had let my fantasies and desires overcome any morals I might have had. My degradation was beginning.
My plan involved a male student in my Gross Anatomy class who seemed to have rather low morals and a large libido. He bragged about his past sexual conquests, often using the cadavers to point out certain body parts he had manipulated or penetrated to achieve satisfaction. His name was Randall. He was the son of a surgeon and had been pushed down his path by his father. He resented it and used every opportunity to show just how much he disliked his situation. Despite that he was probably the most intelligent student in the class after me. He retained the knowledge easily and always scored high on examinations. It seemed he was going to be a doctor whether he wanted to or not.
Randall's attitude was one of expecting to get everything he wanted, everything had come easy to him and he expected that to never change. He was lazy, disrespectful, spoiled, and entirely immoral. I liked him the moment I met him. He was exactly who I was looking for.
The moment I realized this was during a class while we were dissecting the cadaver's liver. He started in on a story about a certain young woman whom he had deflowered in his Corvette after plying her with enough alcohol to leave her insensible to his advances. His main complaint was that he hadn't known she was a virgin and if he had known then he would have removed her from the car before penetrating her because the blood stains on the seats had made it impossible for him to continue owning the car. So, he traded it for a Viper. His story mentioned nothing of what happened to the young woman.
My task then became how to setup the encounter. I considered just asking him, but thought that would be rather inappropriate and also that would take some of the thrill out of it. So, I had to think of a way to bring them together, get her unconscious, and lure him into raping her. My plan was actually a simple one.
The professor of Gross Anatomy was a Dr. Engelhart, a rather gruff and serious man, who took enjoyment in the discomfort of his students. But one day a year he would discard his anti-social behavior to invite the students and professors to his rather large home for an elegant dinner and social mixer. It was understood that to decline this would be detrimental to one's student career and besides it was a good way to become known to the professors.
My plan was to invite Denise to Dr. Engelhart's party, bringing her to my med school for the weekend. I would take her shopping for a new dress, an elegant and sexy dress, a dress not too revealing that she wouldn't wear it and would even try to entice her to wear some lingerie beneath like stockings and a garter. At the party she would definitely drink some alcohol as it was almost required and I would sneak a crushed Valium into her drink. My mother had a standing prescription for Valium, so I had been sneaking her pills for years though I rarely took them and was more apt to give them to friends. The combination of alcohol and Valium would make her very tired, but not unconscious. By the end of the night she would be able to barely stay on her feet, at which time I would offer to drive Randall home since he would definitely be drinking a lot. Then, I would say I had to take her back to my apartment since she wasn't feeling well and upon arrival I would ask him to help me with her, invite him into the apartment and then invite him to stay the night. I would then put her to sleep in the spare bedroom that adjoins the living room. I would close the door to the living room so that I could apply a cloth soaked in chloroform to her face to be assured that she would stay unconscious. I would then leave the room, leaving the door open so he would have a clear view of her laying in her lingerie on top of the covers, offering a temptation I thought he would not resist. Then, I would retire to my own bedroom, down the hallway from the living room, and watch from a crack in the door until he took the bait. After a few minutes I would quietly approach the spare bedroom door to watch him take advantage of her. The plan was not perfect. It relied upon many factors, the most important ones being getting him to my apartment and hoping he would take the bait.
That night, I found that there were other factors of which I should have taken better account. The night did not go as planned. But sometimes when we are working to achieve a goal we stumble upon something even better.
