As she takes her last few steps towards the empty barstool next to me she says "Well?"
"I'm sorry, excuse me?"
"You ever gon'say somthin' or you jes'look at me all night?"
"uhhh..."
"UHHHH..." she mocks, eyes open wide and lips sneering. I look down at my drink.
She laughs "I'm jes'fucking witchew" and she starts to sit on the stool next to me. "Buy me a drink" she says as she pops her big purse up on the bar.
I wave the bartender over. When she gets there I turn back, looking first at the boobs I now have the opportunity to see up close and then quickly scan up to her face "what would you like?"
She just turns to the bartender and says "Sex on the Beach".
As the bartender walks a way I turn back to her tits. I'm getting a great side view now because she's looking into her purse and digging through it with both hands. Although I can also see the roll of belly fat which has returned now that she's sitting down again.
Without looking at me she asks "So what's your name?"
"Uh, Mike", my name is Dave.
"So UHHH-Mike, tell me somethin'." she turns back to me with a pack of cigarettes in her hand "You wanna get yo'hands on these titties?"
"umm, NO. uh it's not... I'm not... " I stutter finding it hard to plausibly deny the truth.
She starts to smile, or smirk is more accurate. She interrupts "Naw naw naw you were lookin and you weren't always lookin at my eyes!" and laughs.
I smile as I pause to compose myself, then continue "they're really nice though".
"Why thanks Mikey."
'that was smooth' I think as she gets a cigarette out of the crumpled pack and starts to light it. The bartender delivers her drink and I'm beginning to suspect I'm not going to have anything to say. Nothing's occurring to me. What the hell should I talk about?
Dropping her lighter back into her purse she looks back and be and takes a long drag. I see those nice brown lips pursed around the cigarette. "So, what do you do?" she asks.
Aw, perfect! Chicks always want to know this of course but I don't think I've ever been with a chick who's as likely to be impressed as this one. I know I just lied about my name but I was truthful about everything from that point on. I told her what I did, I told where I went to college, what neighborhood my condo is in. Anything I could think of to paint myself as a catch with enough filler info to prevent it from all sounding too braggy.
I think she was impressed. She laughed at my occasional jokes and threw in the occasional "Ohhh!" or "Dat's nice" between long drags on her cigarette.
The best thing about her asking what I do is, I knew just how to send the conversation back in her direction: "So what do you do?"
"Hair and nails. I know this woman own a shop and I do hair and nails there".