Here I was again! How did I get trap like this? Was it because I was a sinner? Probably. I can't see any other explanation. I must pray God for forgiveness, for the strength to accept my just punishment. I am impure. I committed a sin of the flesh. I didn't want to...but I must have enticed Lord Thompson one way or another because the good book says that Eve is the one to have tempted and corrupted Adam. Thus we are, her daughters burdened with the same flaw. I told him no but he didn't heed me. He took me by the pond where I was walking. And to be sure that everybody knew that I was tainted, God in his great wisdom gave me a child.
Of course, my father, the baron, couldn't condone such a sacrilege committed by his own daughter. He sent me here so I could bear life to the fruit of my fault. A beautiful baby boy... He's gone now, adopted. He couldn't stay with his unworthy mother. HE was innocent. So now, I am waiting in prayer to atone. A lifetime will surely not be sufficient.
I turn sharply. The creak of the rusty hinges warns me that my daily punishment is about to begin. Tonight, 5 men stand there to deal it out. One of them points imperiously to my dingy nightstand. I know how I must react. Obedience is the cardinal rule in this institution. I step carefully, eyes averted to this innocuous object. I bend over it slowly, eyes still avoiding the gentlemen in my cell. My shoulders are hunched up.. I'm binding my time. My breath comes more rapidly now. I anticipate what will happen.
One of them shifts behind me, grabs my headdress and throws it violently aside. The others observe silently with avid eyes. Afterwards, he holds me by the nape, bunches my hair in a queue and pulls my head back in such a way that I have to sand on my tip toe. My hands move of their own volition to liberate myself. I know better. He barks:" Hands at your side, whore!". I comply with alacrity.
At that point, things go into fast motion. He bends my body in one swift motion and stacks my habit on my back. He stuffs it in the rope that acts as my belt. I shuffle uneasily, panting. He slaps my ass harshly to remind me to keep still. He doesn't talk to me... They never talk to me. I'm just an object made available to them for their pleasure. He kicks my ankles apart to indicate that it is the position that he wishes me to take.