Carl was the boss and Zoe the secretary, but you wouldn't have thought it from the look of power on her face and the one of capitulation on his. She had just informed him that she knew of his little tax fiddle, and was quite willing to take her evidence to the police and the inland revenue if he didn't go along with her requests. In answer to his asking what those requests were, she had told him that she would let him stew a while and had then arranged a private meeting at her home the next day, to come to 'an amicable agreement'.
The next day arrived and so did Carl, his patronising "Good morning, Zoe, I trust you are well" not helping his position at all. She showed him through to her lounge without bothering to answer, handing him a coffee and indicating a chair for him to sit.
"You know, you really are mistaken, all my dealings are completely above board!" He was putting on his 'upper management' look. "You're good at your job and I'd hate to see you lose it over misplaced zeal, but if you continue with this absurd accusation your position will become quite untenable"
So that was how it was going to be. He was going to bluster and threaten and hope that she would back down. Well, this time she wouldn't!
"I don't think so. It's you that is in an awkward position, not me!" Zoe looked at him. She could see that under his bravado he was worried. He was used to being the one in authority, not the one under the cosh. He had realised that he was on a loser.
"Well, as I said, you are good at your job, so I'm sure I can arrange a little bonus and a raise, for the confidential nature of the work you do, so to speak." He raised his eyebrows to convey the real meaning of his words. "Shall we say five percent?"
"I'll take fifteen!" Zoe had already decided to triple anything he offered.
He looked relieved but pretended to mull it over. "Very well, fifteen percent, now if you'll let me have those photocopies, we'll say no more."
"Oh, no. Fifteen percent pay rise is only the start. I have my own proposal for you yet, and that's non-negotiable, totally non-negotiable!"
ZoΓ«'s cold, flat voice stopped her boss dead in his tracks. Just as he thought he had things back under his control, he found he hadn't.
"And your proposal is...?"
"Well, I intend to redress the balance a little. I'm sick of being ordered about by you, told to do things that are way outside of my job description and treated like shit. So I'm going to reverse the trend. No, don't bother arguing about how good a boss you are...!" She could see that he was about to rear up at her for her remarks.
"Here's what we'll do. Every Tuesday morning for until I say otherwise, beginning today, you'll give me the morning off and you'll come around here and you'll work for me. I don't think you'll find your duties too onerous"
"That's preposterous. I can't even contemplate that proposal. I do have my position to consider you know!"
"But I think you can contemplate it β what's more you'll comply. Your 'position' will become so much worse if you don't!"
"But this is blackmail!"
"Yes!" Again her delivery was flat and emotionless.
"And just what 'duties' do you have in mind." He was yielding to the inevitable.
"Oh, the sort of things you have me do in the office, you know, cleaning, tidying up, just generally acting as my personal servant, that sort of thing! Do it well and when I'm satisfied I may ask you to tidy away certain photocopies that I'll carelessly leave lying around."
He treated her to a baleful glare. "Very well, when do you wish me to start?"
"As soon as you've put your uniform on."
"Uniform? I'm not wearing any uniform. You don't wear a uniform!"
"Not as such, no. But you make it very clear that you want me in a short skirt and a low top at work, so you'll wear a uniform too."
"Oh. All right! What uniform have you in mind?"
"This one." She passed him a French-maid's apron, complete with frills.
"But I'll look ridiculous!"