Cheshire Chan Blues

On request by NightmareAura.

Can I make an one-shot request?

NightmareAura

You said you like April Fool's, so how about a trickster Cheshire Cat who pretty celebrates April first like Christmas.

No rush for this one if you decide to do this.

NOTE: This is also a greentext, my second one, hopefully an improvement over the first.

Fetishes: None

Tags: monster girl, monster girl encyclopedia, Cheshire cat, comedy, funny, April Fool's, pranks, humour

>

'You can do what I do, move like a make a move, groove like I make a groove

>

'You can do what I do, move like a make a move, groove like I make a groove

>

'You can sex like I sex, flex like I flex, I'm the best from the East to the West

>

'You can step to this, kiss like I kiss, shake your hips like I shake my hips -'

> SLAM

> You hit the top of the clock radio

> Who the hell changed the tune

> It always played

Shape of You

by Ed Sheeran

> A face forms in midair

> Purple ears

> Purple fur

> A grin like a Cheshire

> Because that's who it was

> 'Fufufufufufufufu, happy to see li'l ol' me again?

> Dammit

> Stupid pussy (heh) always troubled you at work, why here?

> 'What the fuck's your problem?'

> 'Oh, you know. It's the first of April, darling, why don't we celebrate a little?'

> 'Screw you.'

> 'Anytime, dear! Just give the word and you can screw me over the desk!'

> Giggling, that damn pussy disappears

> Fuck this

> She'd be on your back the whole day

> Last year, she constantly pranked Joey

> He couldn't get her off his back, had to constantly put up with the stupid prankster

> There was her silly giggle again

> Somehow, she thought it was a good idea to latch on to you

> Probably because you were new in the office

> Anyway, it was now time to get up and leave for work

> You went to the bathroom

> Open toilet seat

> WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON THE WATER

> There was a scary face of a Frankenstein's monster in the toilet

> You almost climbed the walls, wondering how monsters under the bed had become monsters under the sewer system

> That damn Cheshire's face appeared in midair

> 'Fufufufufufu, you got worried about that? See? It's just a picture.'

> She lifts it from the seat and shows it to you

> She had stuck a picture of the monster under the toilet seat cover and then waited until you opened it

> You threw a towel at the Cheshire

> She teleported away and it went through her, landing on the floor and getting it all dirty

> Fucking faggot cats

> You swore to get your own back

> But it was still time to get ready

> You took out your toothbrush and toothpaste

> Put a large pea-pod sized piece on it

> Hold it

> Why was your brush wooden

> Argh

> That faggot cat replaced your brush

> With a stick of a plant herb

> Bitch

> She didn't appear again though

> Resigning yourself to your fate, you started rubbing the stick against your teeth

> 'It's supposed to be chewed to clean your teeth, my dear.'

> You nearly jumped out of your skin

> There was that goddamn cat again

> Why did she do this

> You threw the toothpaste at her

> She vanished again

> Bitch

> You chewed up the herb

> Tasted weird

> Of course, it had toothpaste on it

> You ran to your garbage bag and spat it out

> That cheshire was gonna pay

> You rinsed your mouth for a whole fifteen minutes

> Walked to the closet to put on your clothes and jacket

> There's that damn grin again

> It faded as you threw a punch towards it

> Fucking faggot cat

> You put on your clothes

> Went to the kitchen

> Odd, you don't remember leaving cereal out for yourself

> Oh well, whatever, it saved you time

> You took a spoon and dipped it in the cereal

> Swallowed the first mouthful

> Not bad

> Just the right amount of sugar, too

> You went for a second spoonful

> THUNK

> The spoon hit the cereal without going in

> Huh?

> Who's heard of solid cereal

> You tried again

> No result

> What the -

> You saw bits of ice in the bowl

> Goddamn it

> Someone already put cereal and milk in the bowl and left it in the freezer overnight

> Asshole

> Who could it be?

> You didn't have to look far

> That stupid grin across the kitchen table

> Cunt

> You'd pay her back for this if it was the last thing you did

> Well, you were getting late for work, it might be the last thing you'd have to do today after coming back from office

> You walked to the door and opened it

> SPLASH

> You were drenched

> A plastic cup bounced off your head

> Cocksucker

> Classic door ambush prank

> You looked up to see a pair of smiling eyes float away and disappear

> Jesus Christ

> That cat had it in for you

> You stepped out and checked for your keys

> As usual, they were inside

> You opened the door again a little more slowly looking for more traps

> Nothing yet

> So far, so good

> You looked around the house

> No keys

> As usual

> You searched high and low, looking under the table, the cracks of the cushions, and the buttcrack of your mattresses

> Well, exploring butt cracks could be nice

> If you had someone to do it with

> You looked around the chairs

> There's the little bugger

> Padlocked to one of the legs of the chair

> Resting on the seat

> What the fuck

> Who could -

> Of course. Who else?

> Something bounces off your head

> You wince, rub the top of your head and glare up to see a fading, mischievous grin

> You look to your right

> It's a key

> 'Fufufufufufufu, happy unlocking, little one.'

> Damn fuckin' faggot cats

> You'd just about had enough of this

> You unlocked your car keys from the chair leg, and ran out to get into your car

> You arrived at your office with minutes to spare

> You went to your room and booted up your computer

> You waited as the desktop loaded

> There it was

> You double-clicked the My Computer icon to load your disks

> Nothing happened

> Huh?

> You clicked even more frantically

> Grrrrrrr

> Why wasn't it opening

> You tried the other icons

> Nothing

> Why had your computer gone haywire?

> You rebooted it and try again

> Useless

> How could this be happening?

> You Googled for troubleshooting problems

> 'Corrupted user profile'

> You switched profiles, then told Windows to retain your files and folders

> You logged into the new profile and checked

> Everything worked

> Odd

> It's not like people have never had corrupted profiles though

> You continued without a thought

> You opened MS Word to start typing up your next report

> You typed a paragraph or so without really looking and then looked up to check if it was okay

> HOLY FUCKING SHIT FUCK

> The whole thing was a mess

> The report had SPACE in several places

> You pressed the spacebar

> It printed SPACE on the screen

> Bloody keyboard layouts

> You went to the Language Bar to check

> Nope, it said US keyboard layout

> You pressed the spacebar again

> Same rotten result

> Why was everything working against you

> You checked the rest of the report

> Wherever anyone's name appeared in it, it was replaced with '[NAME] has a nice arse'

> Dear Ilias

> You couldn't take this anymore, time to get your own laptop here

> Or tell the stinking IT department to get their asses in gear

> You sent a memo to them straightaway

> Even though it takes a week for them to even read it

> You walked out to get a cup of coffee

> You told your boss something was wrong with the company's computers

> He takes you to others' cubicles to check

> He shows you his own PC works fine

> Great, you're the only one with fickle fortune

> You walk back to your room in disgust

> You press the power button to wake up your PC

> The screen flickers on

> Hold it

> It's not at the desktop anymore

> There's a website open on your browser

> Which you didn't open

> You read the title: Ten Super-Awesome Computer Pranks

> Um

> So ... could this be it?

> You read down the whole list carefully

> Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

> The whole article described exactly what was wrong with your PC today

> You opened Word's auto-correct feature

> There it was

> Every company personnel's name was there

> And it was set to auto-correct to '[NAME] has a nice arse'

> You found the AutoHotKey script which was causing the spacebar to type SPACE each time you pressed it and deleted it

> Everything was back to normal

> What about the icons which weren't working in the old user profile

> The last prank explained that

> Take a screenshot of the desktop, hide the icons, and set it as a wallpaper

> You tried it by following the instructions

> Now everything was unclickable

> You reverse the process

> And everything was back to normal

> Who -

> 'Fufufufufufufu, didn't enjoy the pranks, little boy?'

> The Cheshire cat appeared in front of you

> Fully this time

> Fully nude

> You threw a paperweight at her

> She teleported away

> And appeared again at the desk

> 'Stop being so upset. I'm only trying to be friends, you know.'

> 'You just made an enemy out of me, kitty.'

> 'That's harsh for an office boy.'

> 'Not as harsh as what could happen outside it.'

> 'Aww, come on. Would you like to go out with me tonight?'

> 'This isn't the way to take someone out.'

> 'Hey, don't get all serious. I didn't want to upset you, I was only trying to lighten the mood. Please?'

> 'Sure, if you can fix this mess.'

> You point to the screen and your messed-up report

> The Cheshire's face falls and she raises her paws

> Of course

> The claws

> She can't really type like that

> 'Fine. You can wait until I do it.'

> You turn back and start typing, ignoring the Cheshire

> She pleads, pouts and offers you flowers, but you just ignore her

> You type it up in record time and leave, ignoring the Cheshire standing outside your door with flowers

> She actually appeared at various spots around your route back home, usually with bouquets or signs saying 'PLEASE DATE ME'

> You didn't give a shit

> She actually appeared in front of your car suddenly when you were going to work

> You braked hard and the car screeched to a halt as it went through her

> You leaped out of your car and turned around

> You walked over to some strange image on the road

> It showed the 'flattened pancake' Cheshire with pleading eyes, holding up a sign which said 'I LOVE YOU'

> Yeah, right

> After getting you a couple of black stars at work

> Screw that

> You got back inside and the car purred off to work

> Everyone greeted you and congratulated you at your new productivity

> Mainly because the Cheshire was playing less, rather, no pranks on yourself

> You walked past the Cheshire for the hundredth time, holding up a sign saying 'I'M SORRY'

> Huh

> You sat at your cubicle

> You coworker leaned over the partition

> 'Dude, shouldn't you at least listen to what she has to tell you?'

> He pointed out the Cheshire standing in the doorway, with a sign saying 'PLEASE FORGIVE ME, DARLING'

> 'I listened and put up with her, bro. No more.'

> You turned back to your PC

> The image of a sign floated across the top, saying 'YOU'RE THE WORLD TO ME'

> Sigh

> You had to give her credit for being persistent

> 'Look, I know she's annoying, but Cheshires can't help their mischievous nature.'

> 'And I can't help my unforgiving one.'

> Your coworker sighs as he turns back to his computer

> You cast a lazy glance over to her, pouting and holding a sign saying, 'CAN WE TALK OUTSIDE?'

> Hmph

> You'd rather set fire to your trousers

> You kept working on your spreadsheet

> Yet you couldn't get the image of her out of your mind

> Odd, it's not like she'd left a big impression

> You checked the SUM function on one of the cells

> Perfect

> You looked down the other figures and fist-pumped

> Wait

> What was that?

> One of the cells was highlighted

> You clicked it

> It read, 'YOU ARE MY LOVE, YOU ARE MY HEART, AND WE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE APART'

> JESUS CHRIST

> Any girl who liked Justin Bieber should be burned at the stake

> 'Hey, look, I'm sorry.'

> You looked up

> She was behind you.

> 'I asked one of your co-workers to type that in your spreadsheet for me when you went out for water. Please, darling, talk to me. I know I annoyed you and you spent six hours of overtime figuring out what went wrong with your system, since you were only trained on the job and aren't that experienced with computers. I could teach you some -'

> 'Leave me alone.'

> 'I won't do it again. Please.'

> You glowered at her

> She had tears in her eyes, though she was hastily mopping them up with a handkerchief

> 'Please, Anon. Give me a chance. I didn't think the pranks would upset you, I only wanted to talk to you. I should've realised you didn't like that method of greeting much. Please understand.

> She was sniffling now

> But your heart was a mountain, you couldn't just let her behaviour go

> Like the time she made smoking effects appear from your monitor and you ran out yelling 'FIRE!!'

> You even dragged some of your coworkers along

> Nothing happened, so you went in to check

> Stupid grinning fag kitty was there sitting at your desk

> Waving her hands around and muttering nonsense as smoke emanated from behind your monitor

> It was from a miniature smoke bomb

> Her magic gave the smoke different effects

> Everyone laughed at the prank and congratulated her

> Even a month afterwards, people were hissing behind you or shouting 'FIRE!'

> You hated it

> And you hated that faggot kitty

> She had done far too much

> And gotten attention from it

> To be fair, you might have clapped too if she targeted someone else

> But being the butt of a joke can hurt a lot in some ways

> There was the time she put a banana peel near the toilet

> You almost landed inside and had to slip and slide around to avoid the toilet and kick the peel away at the same time

> You were quite sure your hair had touched the water though

> So, anyway, no more letting it go

> You finished your spreadsheet and shut down your system

> Flicking the switches off, you walked out, ignoring the remonstrances of the Cheshire

> She teleported to your car and appeared in the front seat

> You sat down, plugged your earbuds in and ignored her all the way home

> Her tears, tempers, and tantrums shouldn't affect you

> You walked into your home, paying zilch attention to the bouquet she was offering you and slamming the door in her face

> You slept, tossing and turning

> The next morning, when you were going for work, she was still out at the front door, holding up a sign saying 'I WON'T BOTHER YOU AGAIN'

> Same old, same old

> You drove to work to see her at your cubicle, fresh flowers in her paws and a teary smile.

> 'Anon, please look at me. I've brought you freshly plucked flowers from my own garden, I haven't bothered you for a week. I know where to get a keyboard designed to endure claws, so I can help with your work too -'

> 'Buzz off, pussy ears.'

> You ignored her tear-stained face as you slipped into your seat and fired up your computer

> You sensed her presence all the while behind you as you worked, the silent plea in her behaviour obvious

> Not that you cared

> This went on for a week

> She was always there

> Home, work, and the route inbetween

> No more pranks

> Just more flowers or cardboard signs begging for your forgiveness or pleas to listen to her

> You were harder than stone

> Ha, ha, ha

> As in, your heart

> You just wouldn't acknowledge that she existed

> That should show her how a breakdown feels like

> She always had wet eyes

> Well, the dry eyes you had from staring at your PC or frustration at figuring out what she did with your stuff had been a headache too

> Karma is a real bitch

> You continued your routine

> Sleep, eat, work, ignore

> She didn't give up either

> But you weren't losing this little game

> A week later, your boss announced your promotion

> You were ecstatic

> After all that toil and sweat, you deserved it

> You were invited to an event

> The whole office was

> Oh well, if that Cheshire was there, you knew the drill

> You arrived for the event all decked up

> Everyone was there

> Your boss made an announcement and called you up on stage

> You arrived there to tumultuous applause

> He congratulated you on a job well done

> You nodded and smiled, waving to the rest of the group

> He then said he had something to tell you

> He went behind the curtain of the stage

> You waited for five minutes

> What was taking so long?

> At the moment you were about to go and see what was wrong, he appeared again

> 'Sorry about that, Anon. It was so hard to get her to come out.'

> Huh

> Oh no

> nonononononononononononono

> He was dragging the Cheshire behind him

> 'She loves you, Anon. She really does. She's so upset since you won't talk to her anymore. But take it from me - Cheshire's are mischievous with people they like and want to stay with. She promised not to bother you again if you don't want to be. Let it go and at least try her. Here, I've got your table reservations.'

> He handed you two printed reservations

> Screw that faggot cat

> You took them and bowed to your boss

> 'Thank you, boss.'

> 'Anytime, Anon.'

> 'But she's played her little games too far. I'll take out someone I actually like. Maybe the cute kikimora from office cleaning services.'

> You turned around and started walking out

> 'ANON!'

> The Cheshire's shriek was heart-rending

> 'Anon, PLEASE, I didn't mean to upset you. Please go out with me just once and I swear I'll make it all up to you. I promise!'

> 'Well, I don't mean to walk out either, but what to do, my dear?'

> You stuff the reservations into your pockets and walk out

> The Cheshire's soft sobs follow you out

> You drove back home and walked up to your door

> Your boss was standing there in the pouring rain

> You quickly unlocked the door and invited him in

> 'Sure, Anon, but I won't be long. I just wanted to talk to you about that Cheshire.'

> Not again