Eva heard music. At first, she thought it might be a radio Tanner left on around the house somewhere. He often did absent minded things like that. With the distant tune on the air, Eva went to Tanner's office expecting to find the small radio he used to listen back to his own sermons playing some choral music. It wasn't. Off and silent, it offered no explanation as to the strange tune floating on the air. Eva chose to ignore it, returning to her housekeeping. This happened on the morning after Lucy took the Crimson Shade's gift and entirely without Lucy being aware of it.
The music didn't go away, but it grew incessant and louder. Eva thought of telling her husband, but she didn't know how he would react. "Yes, dear, I'm apparently hearing a heavenly choir everywhere I go. No, I don't think we need to go to the hospital. No, I don't think it's an immaculate vision either. No, I wouldn't like to discuss it further." Tanner would try to understand, of course, but he would want to fill in the unknown with something known as fast as possible. For a man who dedicated his life to a great unseen force, Tanner abhorred the inexplicable. Once, Eva considered asking him whether he heard it, too. She noticed some people at the grocery store nodding along to an unheard tune. Perhaps everyone could hear the music, but no one wanted to risk being thrown in a loony bin by admitting to it. She decided against asking.
He would make it about him, of course. The issue wouldn't be, "oh, Eva you're sick or touched by the divine or something," but it would become, "
my wife
is sick or touched by the divine or something, draw your eyes unto me so that I may impart my own opinions on the matter. No, don't look at her, she's fine." As long as Eva kept it secret, it was hers and hers alone. She could hear a music more beautiful than any Tanner could imagine. So far as she knew,
only
she could hear it, and so she decided to keep it precious for herself. It rarely got in the way, after all. The song didn't distract her while driving. It didn't swell dramatically when she went out to drag in the empty garbage bins. The music lingered on the corners of her thoughts, giving her a faintly heard bit of theme music throughout her day.
The songs did get louder or stronger sometimes, though Eva didn't like to think of why. It made her blush. She first noticed a change in the song after the second week of hearing it. It came to her more clearly when she woke up that morning, and it seemed to have more than one clear voice in it. Eva hummed along happily as she made Tanner his breakfast and sent him off on the errands of a young pastor, whatever those might be from day to day. With him out of the house, she went to take a shower. When she pulled back the curtain and stepped out to dry herself in front of the mirror, the music swelled, ever so slightly. Looking at herself in the mirror, Eva saw herself for the first time in years. A simple thought came through in the song,
You
're sexy.
Now, that isn't to say Eva hadn't looked at herself in a mirror while naked for the full duration of her marriage. Nor had she gone so long without considering her looks. But what came through in the music wasn't some note of self consciousness. It wasn't a flighty chord drawing attention to the slight pudge of her love handles. It wasn't her own thoughts rebelling against one another with doubt over what she saw versus what a lifetime of insecurity told her to see. The music spoke with clear voice that wasn't her own. The music said
you
're
not
I
'm.
Eva didn't actually think someone else could see her, but she had come to believe the music had some type of sentience behind it. And it felt nice for that disembodied being to compliment her.
The slight change in the song led her to further experimentation. She began to spend more time in front of the mirror while Tanner was out of the house. Rather than swiftly clothing herself when she finished drying, she began to sit naked at her vanity for the remainder of her beauty regimen. Eva spent much of her life avoiding vanity as best she could. Most of the boys she'd known never went for the girl with black hair for whatever reason. Not that she'd gone without male, and some female, attention through her younger years. She developed late, complimenting her athletic build with fresh, supple curves. This merely made it more difficult to attract the type of attention she wanted. Sure, she could have had the high school quarterback in the back of his car on a Saturday night, but she wasn't that type of girl. She wanted the boy who would spend the Saturday night holding her hand and getting to bed early to be up in time for church the next morning.
That boy turned out to be Tanner, and she did get the naughtier part of the deal after a while. When they began dating, Tanner came close to worshiping her beauty. He even wrote bad poetry to that effect. Once they were properly married, things began to change. For reasons neither of them understood, the wall they'd built around their sexuality did not prove as easy to tear down as it had been to build up. Eva thought the ring on her finger and the lengthy sermon which accompanied their vows would somehow cleanse them of their prudishness. Yet when they laid together their first night, everything felt clumsy and intrusive. Things improved somewhat as Tanner learned the purely physical joy of being with her, but he never praised her sexuality the way he'd praised her chaste beauty. Eva never realized how much it bothered her until she heard it dissonant in the song.
Their marriage went on. They had sex from time to time. Eva even wore some lingerie a few times, hoping to excite something more primal in her husband. It never worked. They did have fun, and she considered a few of their couplings to be good. She rarely orgasmed, but she generally expected not to. From some race memory coalesced the ideas of a bland marriage — No, the woman shouldn't have an orgasm. No, it wasn't really expected of a husband to go down on a wife. No, the wife shouldn't really want sex, and she should withhold it from her husband as a tactic of negotiation for things like new dresses or forcing him into dinner with her parents. While Eva never went along with these ideas consciously, they manifested in her life nonetheless, like their own unheard song of unpleasant normalcy.
Then came the joyous music of an unseen mistress. It sang to Eva of carnal delights, free of guilt or obligation. It reveled in Eva's beauty, praising the curve of her breast and the bounce of her ass as her hips swayed. She hummed along with the music as she danced naked in her bedroom, imagining Tanner finding her. He would be so overcome with lust at the sight of her that he would force her down onto the bed to have his way with her body. And she would revel in that, too. The music would fill her mind as his cock filled her pussy, pushing apart her lips in a way it had never done before. His mouth would lower to her breast and suck, his tongue would roll over her nipple, and his hands would grope down to her ass as he thrust insistently inside her. He would crave her like an addict, unable to eat or drink until he had her. His zeal and worship would turn away from the stuffiness and drabness of his profession and fall to a new goddess.
The fantasy deflated some weeks after Eva first heard the music. Tanner did come home unexpectedly, and he did find Eva swaying to the silent rhythms as her hands roved over her naked body. "What are you doing?" Tanner said from the bedroom doorway.
At once, the music jerked to a halt in Eva's mind. In the silence, old fears and insecurities hissed like a den of snakes. "I, uh, just got out of the shower."
Tanner furrowed his brow, frowning. "Well, get dressed. What if the neighbors saw."
And that was the end of it. Tanner grabbed a notebook from his office and went off while Eva sat on the bed in a robe. Even until she heard the door slam behind him, she thought he might come to his senses, return to the bedroom, and have his way with her. She shut her eyes and waited for the music to return. Angry thoughts spun around in her head, warping into a music of her own, dissonant and chaotic. She imagined forcing her husband to his knees, making him grovel as she worked some hellish will upon him.
If I commanded this music,
she thought,
then no man would ever refuse me.