Heather was feeling nervous as she and Cam approached his loft. They'd had a fine time with their friends, grilling and volleyball and Heather listening to Cam and his bicycle buddies going all deeply nerdy, talking about their favorite vehicles. Both she and Cam had consumed some edibles early in the party, but it had been a long afternoon and evening and the mellow had mostly gone away. And now, she knew, she had to woman up and face the questions she'd been putting off, of what was happening to her when the lights were out. But her stomach felt like it was twisting in her gut, and she was not sure how she should begin, or what would happen when she did.
As they stepped inside and Cam flipped on the lights, Heather noticed gratefully that the evening air had brought the little rooftop loft back down to bearable temperatures. A little stir of air came through the open windows, rustling through the colorful curtains she and Cam had hung last year.
Cam turned to her and asked, "You staying over, babe?"
"I'd like to," Heather said, and then uncomfortably went on, "Though I do have something serious to talk to you about." She crossed her arms and felt her thumping heart.
"Okay," he said, frowning slightly, "Did something happen at the party?"
"No, no." She paused, then said, "It's nothing like that, really. It's something going on with me. But also, I guess, with you somehow."
"Hold on," he said, "I'm getting myself some water, and I'll bet you need some too."
Heather nodded, glad enough for the delay, and stood there awkwardly. She thanked him for the water when he brought it, drank a bit, and contemplated all the stupid-sounding ways that she could start to talk about her problem. All of it sounded insane, in any case, and maybe she was in fact insane.
She must have been thinking for a rather lengthy time, because she found laid-back Cam actually speaking up to prompt things, "So, yeah, if you don't want to talk we won't, but if you do?"
"I do," she said, and frowned again, "I'm just having a hard time starting this. I don't even know if it's real or if it's in my head."
"I don't know what's on your mind, but it sure is getting to you, isn't it?" His open face was innocently sympathetic.
She just had to take the plunge. "Cam, I'm worried because I think I'm turning into a monster around you." There, it was out, and on the table.
Cam didn't seem to get it, though. He was saying, "Naw, babe, that's not so. I don't know what you think you're doing that's so bad, but..."
"No, Cam!" Heather's tone was sharp. "I mean literally and physically a monster."
"I, um, I don't think I see it really." He seemed just more confused than anything, and really she couldn't blame him for it.
She had to try better with her explanation. "Just listen. You remember the other night when we were having sex at my place? Remember how everything got real weird?" He was nodding along as she continued, "It happened this afternoon again, in your bathroom, when I was cleaning up. I think I'm turning into some sort of monster, but only in the dark and only when I'm near you."
He looked incredulous. "I'm sorry, babe, but what the shit?"
"It's crazy, right?" she shook her head, "And maybe it is just crazy too. Maybe I'm going crazy and it's all hallucinations. In which case, that's pretty bad as well, isn't it?" She shivered. "I don't like it, Cam, because either one's no good. Either I'm turning into a monster or I'm crazy and I just think I am."
She stopped and took a deep breath. "So I want to find out. With you."
"Well, shit," he said, running his hands back through his shaggy blonde hair, "I guess there's just one thing to do, huh? I mean, you gotta know, right?" He blew out a breath and straightened up a bit. "So, how do you wanna do this, babe?"
Heather thought about his question. She hadn't expected him to agree to this so easily, but in retrospect she should have. He probably wasn't worried that she would actually turn into a monster because, well, why would he be? And he was caring and supportive, and she knew he'd dealt with mental health problems in his friends before. But she was pretty sure that it was real, and she had not thought through what she would do. But she knew where to start at least.
"First, I'm going to get naked. I've been naked every time before, and even if it still happens when I'm dressed, I don't want to mess my clothes up." Cam nodded at her and she went on, "And I want you to be naked too with me."
His face looked quizzical, so she explained, "I want to cuddle up, before. I could use some reassuring touch. I don't want to get sexual right now. I just want to hold you, and if I'm going to be naked, I want you to be as well."
He nodded, looking satisfied, and echoed back, "OK, get naked and cuddle up. Then just switch off the light?"
"That's right," she said, "let's lay down on your futon and just have your lamp on. We'll turn off everything else, even my night light." She looked over wistfully at the little red airplane-shaped light in the kitchenette that she'd brought over the first time she had stayed the night.