Garal stepped around a thick patch of brush to drain his bladder. It was highly unlikely that anyone would venture by to see him pull his manhood out of his pants. He was traversing the black trail in a section of the forest that was reputed to be haunted with spirits, fairy folk and the like. Unlike him, most people wouldn't come through this portion of the forest at all. But he was a creature of habit, so he stepped far enough from the path so as not to be visible with his dongle swaying.
"We wouldn't want to frighten any fair young maidens, now would we?" he jested to the thicket as he 'released the dragon.' He stopped in front of an odd brush formation that had grown into a lop-sided bent X.
That was curious. He'd never seen this type of plant before. The leaves were unknown to him. There were two main stalks growing from the forest floor, entwined with vines upon vines such that you could barely see the bark of the main plant beneath. The two stalks grew together about two feet off the ground, forming a larger trunk which had a gray-brown looking moss covering the surface not encased in vines, and bent over almost as if the plant chose to grow in a different direction, then splitting roughly and parting again into two more distinct stalks. The entire plant was covered in the same vines: big vines running a course spiral up the two main ground stalks and growing into the main trunk; smaller vines spiraling around both the host plant and the larger vines; tiny vines growing over all. The tiny vines sprouted small pink and gold flowers, which smelled faintly like sweet-honey. Garal assumed this latter must be some type of honeysuckle, though none he'd ever seen before.
The main trunk of the plant was the only portion not completely covered in vines, although many still wrapped around it, and sported that gray-brown moss in large patches, growing throughout, underneath and occasionally over the vines. The shape of the trunk looked oddly familiar to him. He thought about it for a moment, then dismissed the thought as the need to urinate took a higher priority. So he let the dragon loose.
On a whim, he directed his stream of piss onto the odd plant and was amused to see that his hot stream washed away the moss where it struck, revealing the light brown bark of the actual plant beneath. With a smile, he began moving his dongle this way and that, directing his piss to wash away as much of the moss as he could.
Oddly enough, the more moss he pissed off the plant, the more familiar the shape began to appear. By the time his stream had slowed to a trickle, his curiosity was peaked. What did this remind him of? Tucking the dragon back into his trousers, Garal bent down to get a closer look at the strange plant. The smell of his piss was mildly unpleasant to him, so he unstopped his water flask and poured a little water over it. He'd passed a stream of fresh clean water not a quarter kilo back, so he could easily refill the flask. Carefully, choosing precise spots to best utilize the water, he washed his piss off the plant and bent again for a closer inspection.
His dragon recognized the shape before his brain did and Garal wondered at the mild erection forming in his pants. He brushed away some of the smaller vines to better view the plant, when he understood...
With a little imagination, this bent part of the plant looked a bit like a bum... a naked bum... The main vine grew into a cleft as if... as if the vine were buggering the plant!
Using the last of his water, Garal washed the section of plant thoroughly, brushing away as many vines as he could. This was too funny! Someone had obviously seen the plant, noticed the resemblance and carved it to look like a human butt. But the vine growing into the asshole was just too much! He laughed and poked at the vine, as if pushing it farther into the wooden bum, and was surprised with the vine did seem to poke farther up inside. Laughter forgotten, he plucked the vine and pulled gently... The vine withdrew from the hole. The skin of the vine that had been inside was covered in a translucent sap.
He pulled harder and withdrew the vine from the carving. His dragon stood up and roared in his trousers... The vine he'd removed from the carving was relatively the same size as his dongle! Apparently whoever had carved this thing had also made an appropriate hole, just the right size for a man to relieve himself in. His mind raced with thoughts of allergic reactions, poisons, and even fairy folk tales, but his manhood had already decided for him and was poking insistently at his trousers, demanding to be let out.
The sap from the vine was slick and slippery on his fingers... the perfect lubricant for a little brush fucking... Without another thought, Garal unfastened his trousers and lowered them to his ankles. Kneeling in front of the erotic carving, he rubbed the sap over his throbbing member and then, taking a quick took around to ensure that nobody was watching, he guided his hard cock into the wooden asshole.
Apparently the vine was not as thick as his cock because the fit was very snug, without the slippery sap coating his dongle, Garal doubted he would have been able to shove his meat all the way up inside the hole. As it was, he fit inside perfectly... almost as if the entire thing were made just for him. When he withdrew his cock, the plant seemed to suck at his manhood, as if reluctant to release him. When he thrust back inside, the hole seemed to open a bit as if to accept his buggering dongle gratefully.
Last harvest, he and a young maiden named Berilla had swiped a jug of mead from the celebration and had sneaked off into the hay barn. After finishing the jug, Berilla had been inebriated enough that he'd been able to work his hand under her skirt without protest. With much kissing and promises of undying love, he'd worked his hand inside her under garments and eventually rubbed her maidenhead with his fingers. It had been hot and sweaty, but just as slippery and tight as the wooden carving now felt on his cock. Even drunk, she wouldn't let him remove her clothing. He'd finally convinced her to open his trousers and jerk his dragon with her hand. In about 30 seconds he'd spilled his man seed over her hands, upon which she immediately cried out in revulsion, pushed him away and left. She refused to speak to him after that. It had been the first and only time he'd had any sexual relations that actually involved a girl. But this was SO MUCH BETTER!!!