I woke up today in this tight little ball of excitement, extremely jittery, and nervous. Like, I knew today was coming for about a month and a half, but today is the day, and my hearts are pounding through my chest.
I guess I should start out by telling you about myself. I am a female Tarlaxian. I know. I know what you're thinking. Eww don't they have these weird crescent shaped faces? I know all the humans on my FEED call me moon girl. I see those comments and I get it. Our faces are concave and not convex. If we were to kiss a human our faces would fit together like a puzzle piece. I have seen that on the FEED and it is SO adorable!
Furana and Brandon love each other so much. It's ridiculous. Furana is like me but a little taller and way prettier, and Brandon is this human male. Well... their families hate each other because, you know, they're an inter-species couple, so they have to sneak around to see each other.
They post the cutest FEEDs I've ever seen, and every time I watch them, it makes my two hearts squeal like I'm five again! Brandon is HOT! Okay, calm down, Tellina. I'm so sorry--I just freaking love Brandon. Those blue eyes and that brown hair drive me insane.
Human eyes are so different from ours. Ours blink sideways, and theirs blink vertically. Theirs are so much bigger and brighter than ours, and I could just stare at them forever. Isn't that so cool?
Well, okay, okay. So last week, I turned 20 in Tarlaxian years. That makes me a full voting-age Tarlaxian woman. I know what you're thinking: Isn't it 18 in human years? Yes, but here in Tarlaxia, we do it at 20! It has something to do with how fast our planet goes around the sun. Basically, I'm finally an adult, and I can do whatever I want--no one can stop me!
And that's why I was talking about this insane crush I have on Brandon. My little secret is that I've developed a human fetish. I know it's so dirty and wrong, but I can't help it. Humans are freaking sexy!
So, let's talk about sex. Tarlaxian sex. Okay, so Tarlaxian males are... how do I put this? Our sex is, well, it sucks. Tarlaxian penises are this tiny, wee, bitty little tube that comes out of a male's tongue, and it carries the sperm. Tarlaxian females, on the other hand, are surprisingly similar to human females. We totally have a vagina because that's where the baby comes out! The baby has to come out somewhere, and nature gets that right every time. It's even in the same place--between the legs. It's just the best spot for babies to come out!
We Tarlaxians have been to so many planets, and we've seen a lot of vaginas. We know they're all pretty much the same! It's actually pretty cool if you think about it.
But when it comes to males, there's so much variety. And I know what you're thinking: Tellina, wouldn't it be sexy for a male Tarlaxian to have sex with their tongue? Well, yes and no. If Tarlaxians had a human tongue, then absolutely. Oh, human tongues are big, slimy, strong, and wet. But Tarlaxian tongues? We have these little scrawny things. Don't get me wrong--they're amazing at tasting food and other things, but they're nowhere near as strong and fat as human tongues. They also have this sandpaper texture and tend to stay pretty dry.
So, how do we have sex? The male licks the female's vagina, has an orgasm, and the sperm shoots in through the tiny little straw thing. The whole mating process takes only about three minutes. It does give the male a kick, but for the female? Not so much.
This wouldn't be a problem... except ever since we found the human wormhole and started spying on all their media, it's caused some, uh, issues here on our planet.
Okay, I'm just going to blurt it out: all the Tarlaxian girls I know love to watch human porn. We're obsessed with watching humans have sex because it's so different from how we do it! It's beyond hot. Human males are so aggressive when they get turned on. They say it's because humans evolved from a group of animals called mammals, and mammals structure themselves in groups where one male gets to have sex with a bunch of different females for breeding. It's always the strongest male who gets the females, so the males compete with each other--and that's why human male sex is hyper-aggressive. Okay, I'll admit it: this is why I'm super jealous of Furana. She must be having wild sex with Brandon.
My favorite porn FEED... okay, this is so embarrassing. But it's fine--I'm an adult now, so I can do anything! My favorite porn FEED is this one where this super cute human girl is jogging through a forest. She's wearing this little white top and a red checkered skirt. It's very cute. Then, this super hot guy just bumps into her. Their eyes lock, and she tries to play it off like she's not into him, but you can totally tell that's bullshit--she's just playing hard to get. She gives off these signals that she wants him, and he doesn't disappoint.
It's so hot how he just knows it's on. Suddenly, he grabs her and sticks his giant, meaty tongue down her throat right there in the middle of the park. She's wearing this skirt, and he takes his big, strong, hairy arm and slides it between her legs, rubbing her pussy with his hand--which has five fingers! The longest finger is the middle one, but the strongest one is the one right next to it. How do I know that? Well... I just do, okay?!
You can tell she's totally into it. Then, he has this air car nearby, and it swoops down.
He's like, "Go on, get in."
He doesn't force her or anything--he just offers. She gives him this look that says, I'm going to let you do anything to me, and she gets in! She's so wild. I could never do that.
Anyway, they get into the air car and start flying away. He sets it to do this big circle in the sky so they're alone, and that's where it gets really exciting!
He grabs her by the hair and forces her down onto her knees. This air car is more like an air limo, with plenty of room in the back--including an actual bed. Then, he unzips his pants and reveals his giant dick. It sort of flops down at first, but then he forces her face right next to it and says,
"Stick out your tongue."
She does, and he pushes her face forward, making her lick it up and down with her tongue. The thing starts to grow, getting bigger and harder. After a while, she stuffs the whole thing into her mouth, and there's gooey slobber everywhere. She's making these weird, muffled noises as she works on him. Then, his dick gets really giant and sticks straight up.
That's when he gets super aggressive. He gets behind her, shoves her face into a pillow, pulls her ass in the air, throws up her skirt, and rips her panties down to her ankles. Then, he shoves his giant dick into her from behind. He does it so fast and hard, she barely has time to react. She lets out this huge yelp as it goes in. He's so aggressive about it, it puts a knot in my stomach just watching. I can only imagine what it feels like to get filled up that fast. Oh my god, it's HOT!
While he's pounding her, he clutches her hair and pulls it really tightly. She's making the best noises--it's so dirty, but you can tell she's loving every second of it.
They go at it for a good 30 minutes, and he ends up ejaculating inside her. Human males have so much cum--it's ridiculous and really messy. It gets everywhere.
After he's done, he just drops her off in the park, butt naked. People are staring at her, and then all her clothes fall from the sky. She has cum dripping from her pussy, and this old man even sticks his hand down his pants while she is trying to grab her clothes off the ground! She's totally exposed as a slut, but she has this huge smile on her face, like, Come back and do it again! She was so horny I bet that if that old man asked her, she would have sucked him off right there in the park!