.
In the time I spent traveling back to Prophia, the somberness mutated into burning anxiety. The questions I have for Andrius have cycled through my mind so many times that I no longer want to ask them. I'm sick of hearing them. Sick of looking at them. I just want to hold the answers. I want to shatter them and inspect the defused pieces. Then we can finally go about our lives. It's near pitch black outside but for the dim light of my lantern, but it's nearing dawn based on the sound of people leaving their homes.
Inside, I don't go to the bedroom. Holding my lantern high, I glare at the cupboard he knows I can't reach. I shove the key into my pocket, set the lantern down, and begin to look around the living space for stackable things. The square cushions of the low couch are the best option, so I drag them in front of the kitchen counter.
The stack shakes under my feet as I stand completely still atop the three. When they finally feel steady, I reach forward to grip the smooth, curved wood of the cupboard handle. I pull it back and feel the center cushion shoot out from between the others. My scream is cut short when my elbow slams into the floorboards first, followed by my backside. The pain makes me grit my teeth as I curl into a ball on the floor and clutch my throbbing arm.
"Flora?"
Light emerges as Andrius enters the kitchen holding a lantern. His golden hair is askew, partially held in tie but mostly freed and sticking out in all directions around his face. He drops down beside me and brushes my own hair away from my pained expression.
"What were you doing?" He looks at the disarrayed stack of cushions and back to me.
"I want to know what's in the cupboard." I grit out.
"Come to bed."
"No." I swat his hand away and sit up on my knees to look him in the eye. "You know I can't reach that cupboard. And I-"
"Flora-"
"And I may not know Laith as well as you do! But I know when someone is treating me differently."
"We'll talk about this some other time."
"We'll talk about it now!"
"I'm half asleep, can't we just-"
"And you didn't say goodbye to me."
"What?"
"When I left for Leaven, you turned away before I left and went into the house."
He stares at me with a bewildered expression. "It was cold? I went inside?"
"I waved! And you didn't wave back."
"You never waved goodbye the other times you left."
I hesitate and think back to those other times. He's right. "Well, I... I did this time!"
"Okay? I'll stay outside next time and wave to you."
Stubbornness overwhelms anything else I could possibly feel, I begin to restack the cushions.
"Flora, stop that. You're hurt." He snatches one of the cushions from my hands and throws it back toward the hearth.
"Show me what's in the cupboard then!"
A muscle tics in his jaw, the flicker of shadow stark in the firelight, before he stands and reaches over me. When he refolds his forelegs to sit down in front of me, he grabs my wrist to turn my hand upward and puts a faceted glass box in my palm. I put my other hand on top, about to flick the lid open when he covers it with his own.
"This isn't a question," he says, staring down at our hands around the box, "It's more of... discussion I want us to have. And let it be known that I'd have preferred we have this talk when I'm awake and you're not... whatever you are right now. Angry with me?"
When his hand leaves mine, I hesitate before flicking open the gold clasp on the front. Firelight dances on the gold and the diamond ring inside. I turn it in the light, lips parted in shock, tracing the shiny outline of the heart-shaped stone and the smooth curve of the warm metal. I look up, but Andrius looks away the instant my eyes find his. "Are you pr-"
"Like I said, it's a discussion. I'm the one who made that dramatic declaration about marriage. I figured I owed you a ring. But we just met, in the grand scheme of things, I was thinking of it more as a long engagement?"
My throat feels like it's closing up. I can't answer any of this through my guilt and... everything else. My feelings knot and tangle.
"You scared the living daylights out of Laith, by the way."
"What?"
"When you showed up at his shop before the ring was finished. He sent a sprite messenger to me right after you left. He was worried you had found out somehow and were there to interrogate him."
"That's why he was being weird? And when he was here at the house?"
"He was dropping off the ring. It would've been done before you came home for our postponed solstice but I changed my mind about the stone. It was originally a teardrop shape. But then you told me about the heart shaped jewelry set you saw someone wearing in town, how much you loved it. So, I thought this would be more to your taste."
"And the letter?"
"What letter?"
"When Laith was here, you had a letter in your hand and you tore it up."
Andrius tilts his head at me. "Oh. That was from Ares. I tore it up because he didn't have anything to tell me that I didn't already know."
"About what?"
"About whether our kind can even marry. I tried looking into it myself. But it isn't even discussed in our laws. Nothing says you can. Nothing says you can't. Ares meets all kinds of people working in the pub and doing deliveries, so I asked if he would mention the topic to people who work in law to see what they know. His letter had the same answer that I'd already found. There's no real answer because no one has ever asked."
"What about the vows? Like, does it say 'you centaur, take this other centaur'?"
"The marriage vows among my kind aren't very romantic, to be honest. It's all dowry exchanges and property acquisitions."
I stare down at the ring and my sight of it blurs as embarrassed tears build over my eyes. Andrius sighs and the sound calls my attention up to him.
"I wanted to talk to you about all this before. But I didn't want to make you have this conversation in front of my family. Then you seemed upset about something the next night and wouldn't talk to me about it. I asked you to stay a day longer, but you said you would be late and that it would be a problem."
A mental map of how the last stretch of time I spent in Prophia went from his perspective unfurls in my mind. No wonder he didn't show me the ring then. I set the ring box in my lap and bury my face in my hands.
What have I done? I wonder.
