It was our fourth date. I remember that because I had decided to break my five date rule and fuck him at the earliest convenience. It wasn't as much a decision as it was a need, something akin to breathing. You have to do it to survive but you don't think about doing it. You don't analyze the steps of the process. You just do it. Over and over. So seeing him and wanting to fuck him was like that. It was just that natural. And I didn't question if it was actually going to happen or not. I just knew it would.
It's funny that I should call them dates at all because they really weren't. They were just times that we had crossed each other's paths and gained a moment together. I knew that he wanted me from the first time I saw him at the bar at Haley's because his pitch dark eyes did that smoky, lusty thing that men's eyes do when they want to fuck you. I didn't realize until I was half-way across the room that I was trying to edge closer to him but the bar was crowded and, anyway, I was there with someone else and if she saw me making eyes at him I would be in for more serious torture that night than I was ready for.
Later that night, when he told me his name, Mathias, I was ready to dump her then and there. She was getting predictable, anyway. Predictably mean. I did so two days later. It was the first good decision I'd made since I'd met her.
Actually, getting caught in Leslie's web was the first in a string of stupid moves that defined my thirtieth year. For some strange reason I seemed to be attracted to chaos like lint fuzz to a black sweater. First, I mistook her lack of a pulse to be coolness personified until I realized she only had two settings and the on switch was only flipped when the handcuffs and leather came out. Then I decided to tell my boss to go to hell after breaking his thumb when he tried to feel me up for the third time during my performance review. And just for kicks, I ostracized my best friend by getting too drunk at her birthday party and eventually getting kicked out of the club.
So, two days after first meeting him we had our second date. Mathias, in all his smooth, hard, ebony glory was stalking the grocery store aisles like a panther, making vines grow down from the fluorescent lights and shimmering heat ripples in the air with his every nonchalant, slinky step. I abandoned my search for the perfect break-up feast and followed in his humid wake. It was pretty hard to miss him. He was deep black, tall, and rounded with a cat's casual muscularity but he sidled through the store as unobserved and as silent as a shadow.
I caught up with him in the coffee aisle. His shaved head glistened in the shaft of moonlight piercing through the vines and leaves above and around him. He turned and looked at me. His eyes went all smoky and everything stopped. I mean it. Everything and everyone else in the store froze. My heart didn't. It was beating in some unfamiliar way that throbbed all the way down to my clitoris and then spread to my hips. A small smile split my lips and he nodded in return as if satisfied with what he observed.
Then he was in front of me, so close I could smell the musk of him. The tattooed beating of my heart ceased. I could see an owl in a branch above his head, intent and still as midnight. One stroke. One caress of a single curly strand of my hair. A kiss like the birth of the universe on my forehead.
The night shattered; vines and leaves fell and burst into green atoms and twinkled out of existence; the owl flew up the aisle and out the electric doors without hooting. I could hear a kid whining, "Mommy, can we get some? Mommy can we get some?" I was shivering, blinded by fluorescence, and alone.
The next day, I woke famished, which was unusual for me. So I ate some cereal, and then some toast, and then I realized what I really wanted was some meat. Ten strips of bacon and three turkey sausages later all I could think of was sleep. I curled up on the couch inside my favorite soft blanket and passed out.
When I woke again the sunlight through the windows was golden cast and I knew many hours had passed. I was hungry, again, and restless. I took a shower, threw on the tightest black jeans and top I could find, and for some reason, my black leather stiletto boots.
I didn't know where I was going when I left my apartment. I guess I sort of let my nose guide me. For some reason I wanted meat, again. I walked up R Street and turned onto 14th. I remember thinking how cool it was that my boots weren't hurting my feet with all this walking. And then I spotted meat heaven, Hungry Chuck's Hamburger Bar & Grill. I practically ran across the street, dipping and weaving through the speeding traffic.