To say my obsession with the beast and his exotic lover had become an addiction would be an understatement. I thought of them constantly. When I dreamed, I dreamed of them. Waiting for their next show was torturous and if for some reason they did not perform one week I would fly into a rage that could only be tempered by a violent coupling with Sarah, who easily matched my ferocity with her own unquenchable need.
We used each other, used our love for each other, connected by our compulsion to become one with the mating beast and beauty. In the beast I saw myself. When Monolith's bulging, black eyes, seemingly blank and emotionless, finally would swivel to glare back at me, I saw his desire, his power, a wild ferocity that could never be satisfied, never be emptied, and I knew that despite my attempts at becoming a loving, intelligent man, I was still just a beast, deep in my chest, like a balloon being painfully filled with anger, all I wanted was to unleash it, and fill her womb with my rage.
But I was only human, and I couldn't match the intensity of Monolith. I thought to truly match the beast, to feel his power, I would have to couple with his vessel, to drive my fury into the woman who seemed able to take the beast inside of her and drain him. I would have to get closer to Adara.
I laugh to myself even now that I had that thought. To think that I could become like the beast if only I could be with Adara, that perhaps Adara could bring out the beast in me. Adara never brought out the beast in Monolith. She did the exact opposite. She helped to contain that beast. She didn't bring it out. But my obsession with her had become such that I just wanted the excuse to attempt to seduce her.
But how could I seduce a woman whom I only saw during a live sex show, and whom seemed to not exist otherwise? I had never seen her on the show grounds, never seen her walking around, leaving her carriage or tent, or even walking to the show. She seemed to mystically appear for her show and disappear until the next one. How could I become closer to a woman who was merely a phantom?
One night, after we had arrived at another town and had finished setting up for the night, I slipped out of the tent that Sarah and I shared, and walked towards Dr. Faustus's tent. I had rarely seen anyone approach his tent. I'd seen people setting it up. They seemed to work quickly, wanting to be done with it and move on. I'd seen the twins approach it, yell inside, and wait for Dr. Faustus to appear. But I had never seen anyone enter or exit besides Dr. Faustus. So, I could only assume that Adara resided within, though it seemed the most reasonable place.
The sky was particularly dazzling that night, with the moon a pale crescent, thousands of stars shining, and the fuzzy Milky Way stretching from one horizon to the other. People were milling about, joking, laughing, and yelling hellos at me as I passed. But as I approached Dr. Faustus's tent, always set away from the rest of the tents, the noise died down, until the voices were a dim buzz.
His tent was the largest, about the same size as many of the performance tents. The canvas whipped and cracked with the wind, a wind that I hadn't felt until I approached his tent. I could see the flickering light of candles through the fabric.
I looked around me, feeling the quiet, the wind sweeping around me, chilling my skin, driving deep into my bones, and every hair stood on end. I turned on my heel to see Monolith's cage standing several yards away from me and I saw a pair of glowing red lights shining back at me. I stared into his eyes and froze. I could barely see his shape, his huge form lurking behind the bars, his broad shoulders and huge head standing out against the night sky, but those eyes shone upon me like two searchlights and I was trapped in their beams. He made no noise. He didn't move. He didn't blink. He just stared. And I knew he saw me, that he was watching me, and if not for the bars confining him, I'd be dead already.
A chill passed through me, making my body shake violently, breaking my paralysis and I took in a deep, cold breath, the air chilling my throat. I coughed. I snapped my mouth shut and continued to cough, bent over, my hand covering my mouth, willing my throat to stop tickling, to not cough, to be silent. I watched Monolith's glowing eyes until the coughing fit had passed. He never moved. He stood perfectly still, a statue in the dark, watching me.
I almost lost my nerve. I straightened up and took a hesitant breath to make sure I wouldn't cough and glanced back the way I had come. I knew I should go back. I shouldn't be here. Nobody came to this side of the grounds at dark. Nobody came here during the day. Everyone left Dr. Faustus and Monolith alone.
Finally, Monolith moved. His head turned and the eyes looked away. I watched him move to the side, expecting to hear the loud clanking of his hoofed feet against the cage, but he was quiet as he moved to the other side of the cage, having become bored with watching me.
Without his eyes on me I found my confidence return. I turned, putting Monolith at my back and started walking towards Dr. Faustus's tent again. I was approaching the back of the large tent. As I moved closer I could hear a voice. Then I heard another voice. One sounded like Dr. Faustus. Though I had rarely heard his voice I remembered it. His voice was like ice, cold glass, brittle and sharp. When he talked I imagined his words slicing through my brain with a precise brutality.
However, I did not recognize the other voice. It was soft and feminine. I knew it had to be the voice of Adara. I had never heard her speak. I had only heard her whispers, a soft, delicate voice, that drifted through the air as she seduced Monolith. Her voice, if it was hers, was as I had imagined it.
I stopped as I reached the tent and stood still, my hands reaching out to brush the canvas lightly, tilting forward, to hear them speak, and at first I couldn't hear the words, they made no sense. I was struck by the mingling of their voices, hers gentle and perfectly erotic, seeming to soak my brain with lust as I pictured the words rising through her supple neck, between her soft lips, and just as abruptly I heard his voice, writhing down my spine and chilling the very warmth that she had created. I was hypnotized, like they practiced a dark magic with their voices, trying to enchant each other, and in the process captivating me.
The spell was broken when I heard a loud smack, the slap of skin against skin. Someone had slapped the other and the voices stopped. I imagined Dr. Faustus smacking his hand across Adara's face and I wanted to tear through the tent to strangle him. Instead I stepped to the corner of the tent and pulled the two flaps apart just enough to peer inside. I immediately saw them standing very close to me, much closer than I had expected and I almost jumped back, but stopped when I noticed the bright red mark across Dr. Faustus's cheek. The mark blossomed a deep red on his pale skin and he glared back at Adara who stood before him, a smirk on her face, daring him, deriding him.
They stood still, staring at each other. Dr. Faustus held a dark metal cane in his hand and leaned on it slightly. His black clothes covered most of his body, but made his hands and face seem all the more pale. His dark glasses hid his eyes, but I had experienced his hidden gaze on me and had not liked it. That Adara could withstand it with such poise endeared her to me all the more.
She stood with her arms crossed over her bare stomach, pushing her full breasts up higher inside the billowing, light blouse. A glistening green skirt slid down her hips and legs, a slit down the side promising a glimpse of her luscious thigh when she walked. Just her bare feet were visible with a gold ring on one toe. Her dark hair drifted down her back to her waist and I sighed as I imagined running my hands through that thick hair, pulling it back from her neck, my lips moving towards her brown neck, and I trembled as a cold chill traveled down my spine, pure lust slithering through my body. I had never seen her so close, so close I could almost touch her, and I wanted to feel her skin, caress her, kiss every inch of her dark body. She was the embodiment of lust, distilled passion, and my need for her clawed at my chest, a pleasurable agony that would drive me to depravity. And I didn't care. I wanted it. I wanted her.
"Do you feel better now, Adara?" Dr. Faustus said, his voice like shattering glass breaking the silence.
"Yes. I do," she said and smiled at him playfully.
Dr. Faustus tapped his cane on the ground once. "Perhaps you now expect that I return your slap with my own," he said.
"I expect nothing of you, Faustus. I never have," she said, her voice still light, no hint of the scorn I expected.
He lifted his hand slowly and touched her cheek. She didn't seem to notice his touch. She just stared back into his face. He caressed her cheek, his fingers barely touching her skin, and slid his hand down to her neck. He smiled at her. She smiled back, tilting her head to the side.
"You are a strong woman, Adara," he said, his voice as calm as I imagined it could be. "I chose you because of that."
"You didn't choose me, Faustus. I chose you."
He laughed and I shuddered, hearing his laugh that didn't seem to belong, a scream trying to be a laugh.
"Perhaps," he said, letting the word hang in the air. His hand slid down over her bare shoulder and then back to her neck. "But you are here because I will it to be so. If you displease me again then I may no longer want you here. And then..." His hand was touching the side of her neck, his thumb moving up and down the front of her throat.
"And then you will perish with me," she said, her voice cracking, losing the playfulness, a hint of fear creeping into that sultry lilt.
He smiled at her and stepped closer. His hand clenched her neck, his thumb pressing into her throat.
