Lucas groaned and sat up. He was laying on the floor of his living room, the contents of his kitchen table strewn around him. Something had happened and he had fallen out of his chair, knocking the entire table over in the process.
"Hi there!" A girl's voice called from above him.
"Huh?" He looked up.
She was a wide-hipped girl with a cute nose and curious eyes. They had amber irises and black sclera, an incredibly strange look to be sure. She was wearing a shorty black skirt that only reached partway down her thighs and had a thick ruffling to it. Above that was a black hoodie with her hood drawn up. Her body was curvy and incredible. Average breasts led down to a fair waist and then her hips widened out into a cloth-stretching backside of glorious proportions. From his angle on the floor, he could see right up her skirt to her lacy black thong.
"I've come for you." She said, her hands clasped in front of her.
"Wow, you've got a big ass!" Lucas exclaimed upon seeing her, his eyes as big as the booty he was trying to see.
Whaaat?!" She squealed, "No I don't! It's not that big..." She stammered and fumed, her hands going back to hold her skirt against her plump rear.
"Are you kidding me? You look like one of those Brazilian porn stars to me! You've got this cute, flat waist and then your hips just round out into..." Lucas said, scooting forward on his knees. He wrapped his arms around her hips and dug his fingers into her plush bottom. It was indeed sizable and it felt as soft as clouds when he groped it. He barely had the coherent thought to keep his hands on the outside of her skirt. As though that made his groping any less perverse. His cheeks flushed as he hummed, "Yea... So perfect!"
"Get off! I've come for your soul!" She squealed, pushing him back. She helped her hands out and a black scythe appeared in her hands. She brandished it at him, "So please stop touching me!" Her face blushed from his molesting.
"What? Where the hell did that scythe come from?" Lucas yelped and scooted back.
"I am a Dullahan and you are dead... Well... You will be dead soon. I'm here to collect you and take you to purgatory." She said, raising her scythe.
"Wait! What happened? How did I die?" He asked urgently, scrambling to his feet.
The Dullahan set the butt of her scythe on the ground and fished in her hoodie pocket. Out came a black leatherbound pocket book and she flicked it open. Her scythe stood up of its own accord as she started to flip the pages, "Well... you had a stroke. You survived, but only barely. Soon, your body will have another and will expire in..." She pulled back her sleeve to look at her watch, "Fourteen minutes. Without any help, your body is doomed."
"What but my body is fine! I'm fine!" He patted his chest and looked pleadingly up at her.
"Doesn't look fine to me." She pointed next to him.
He looked down and yelped in shock. Laying on its side next to him was his own body. He hadn't noticed it for the cute, big-butted Dullahan in front of him. Sure enough though, it was him. He knew himself well. He wasn't a spectacular looking man, but he had a strong chin and an agile swimmer's body. He leaned over and tried to touch himself.
His hand went right through.
"What the fuck?" He yelled.
"You are a spirit, a soul outside your body. You no longer have the strength to remain inside it and so you're fading away."
"How did I touch you then?" Lucas asked, his eyes flitting down to her hips again.
"I am neither dead nor alive, and I can interact with both. Now, if you would come along, we could be in purgatory in short order." She picked her scythe back up and held out a hand.
"No, come on! Give me a chance! I'm young, I swim, I try to eat right! How is it fair that I'm having a stroke?!" Lucas said, shaking his head. He looked at his body and then back to her, "Come on, there's got to be something you can do!"
"Look, it's not my decision. But under the Death Accords it is stated that you may challenge me for your soul. I pick the contest." She crossed her arms, "Nobody has ever beaten me before."
"Okay, if you're so confident then if I win, you have to sleep with me!" Lucas grinned, his heart rising at the chance he was being given. She started at the words and her face flushed. She seemed a little like a naive school girl about the subject.
"I... You... Whatever. We will play a game of riddles. First one to answer wrong loses." She sighed, shaking her head, "We'll start simple. What is the one thing in life you can never see with your own eyes."
Lucas raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. He wasn't bad at riddles. This could work. A glance around brought the answer easily, "Your own face."
"Very good. Now ask me one." She nodded.
"A box without hinges, key or lid, yet inside golden treasure is hid." He said with a smile.
"Egg. Very old riddle, I wrote it myself, you know." She chuckled.
"What? No, you didn't." He scoffed at her.
"I'm six hundred and thirteen. I wrote that when I was just a little girl. How about this; hands but no fingers, a face but no eyes. Yet, all men do I hold sway."
"Erm... Well..." He looked about. The clock said he had ten minutes left. Things were getting a little close. Then he realized, "A clock! Hands and face, limited time is what all men have!"
"Very good." She nodded.