After lunch, Lyssa makes her way up to the roof and stands, arms wrapped around herself, staring out across the pack lands.
Feeling her mood, other pack members avoid her.
It is Stephanie, finally, who approaches her a full day after their rescue.
She comes to stand beside Lyssa, at first saying nothing. Lyssa glances at her, then back out to the woods.
"You are Beta. You have a birth given right and obligation to protect yourself and your pack members."
Lyssa does not respond, or move away.
"Did you kill him?"
Lyssa looks down, exhaling. "I don't know. He was on me, ready to rape me, he told me so. I concentrated on the spot between his eyes and gave it to him. And then he fell on me."
"I would say you did." There is a pause. "You knew what you were doing, what you were asking her to do, the consequences of her escape. You expected to die."
Lyssa growls out, "Yes."
"Did you want to die?"
Lyssa turns to her, "Of course not."
"Then why are you so angry about being alive?"
It's a few minutes before Lyssa speaks again. "Stephanie. Could you ask Joanna to come up here?"
"Certainly, Madam Beta. I'm pleased you are returned to us."
"Thank you, Stephanie."
Joanna approaches, quietly, reluctantly. "Are you gonna yell at me again?"
Lyssa continues to look out over the pack lands. "Your mother told me to stay away from you this morning. Is that what you want? Do you need your mother to protect you?"
"No. Yes."
"Ah, the ambivalence of growing up. Wanting to be independent but still wanting to be able to run home to Mom and Dad when something goes wrong."
"You're what's wrong, Lyssa. Why are you being so mean?"
"I was ready to die, Jo. Prepared. I expected it. Then I wake up and Em's got me. And I hurt, so much, all over."
An inhale, a sigh. Jo sits on the edge of the roof, looking at her. "I was," an exhale, "just so glad to be home."
Lyssa is quiet again. Joanna finally breaks the silence as Emmett quietly walks up behind them.
Stephanie had come to tell him Lyssa had asked for Joanna and he went to see what was going on between them.
He approaches from downwind. He could smell the woods, the fields, a few deer, and both of them.
Joanna asks, "So, what changed?"
"I was alive and I hurt. I expected to be dead and I was saved at the last minute. I'm supposed to be dead, but I'm not."
"I don't get it."
Emmett says quietly, "She's pushing us away because she doesn't want to be helped or comforted or thanked because she failed."
"Huh?"
"She sacrificed herself for you, Jo, and since she didn't die it's like it doesn't count. I think she's having trouble believing it's OK for her to be alive."
"That's crazy. You did it. I got away. You got out, too. And, and Thomas is OK. And my party is tomorrow and some more wolves will find their mates. And you and Emmett can have pups and you can be around when I get mated and..." Lyssa smiles as Emmett gets closer. "..and I'm glad you're gonna be OK. Are you?"
Emmett gently places a hand on her shoulder and she turns her head to look at him, murmuring, "How do you know what I'm feeling? For that matter, how does Stephanie?"
"Because we're all very much alike and Stephanie had to remind me of that. We all lost our families. We're each the only survivor and each of us has had to work through our feelings of wondering why we were left alive. The guilt of not having died with our families. Why we're alive and they're not." Lyssa reaches up to cover Emmett's hand with her own.
"But, I'm not family and, she.. wait, I'm still not sure I get it."
"You're like a little sister to me, Jo."
"When I got old enough I got to the point where I would fight anyone for any reason. I was big enough and strong enough that I won most of the time. Randall's father, Wallace, had a talk with me after a bunch of males got together and beat me badly."
"It took a while for it to sink in. That I deserved to live. That I should make something of myself, make my family proud. You probably went through something similar."
Lyssa nods. "Rebellious. Out late partying. Drugs. Sleeping around. All kinds of self-destructive things. It was my grandfather who talked me into being something better."
"So, the fact that you didn't die makes you feel you're not worthy of living? Or love? Or something like that?"
Emmett strokes Lyssa's hair with his free hand. "A worthy end to your life?"
Lyssa closes her eyes. "Some of it. All of it. I'm not sure. But, yeah, something like that, I guess."
Joanna comes up to them, looks at Lyssa. "It was the most amazing thing you did for me, Lyssa. Do you remember what you told me? That the only way to help both of us was for me to leave you and get help? I did, and we were able to save you, too."
[I love you, mate. Don't ever forget that.] He slides his arms around her as the tenseness leaves her body.
"You're gonna be OK, aren't you? You're coming to the party, aren't you?"
"I'd better make nice with your mother, then."
"Good. I'm glad you're OK again. .. Oops, Mom wants me." Joanna squeezes Lyssa's hand and runs off.
"You'll feel better when you can run through the woods again." Emmett kisses the side of her neck.
"The damn cast still itches."
"If you eat, sweetheart, and take a nap, you'll heal faster."
"Of course, Dr. Forester. After I see Ariel. And get things ready for Jo's party."
Lyssa talks to Ariel and then makes sure the unmated are coming to the Wyeth gathering the next day. She then eats and sleeps for a couple of hours.
She stretches and groans when she wakes. "Ow."
"You'll feel better soon, I hope." He's sitting in a chair, staring at her.
"Afraid I'm gonna do something stupid?"
He rises and comes over to the bed, leans over, and kisses her. "No. Not anymore."
"Then why the guard?"
"Not a guard, dear heart. Just enjoying the peaceful look on your face."
She tries to sit up, and shoves a couple of pillows behind her back. "Why do I still feel so weak?"
He sits beside her on the bed, takes her hand. "All your energy right now is going to healing your injuries. Once that's done you'll be ready to take on the males again."
He pulls her gently against him and puts his arm around her. "I was with Roland when you screamed for help..."
It was two days since they had been rescued and Lyssa was still in some pain. She felt a lot better than she had and her body was sporting purplish greenish yellow spots but she still tired easily.
Lack of food, injuries, and long term drugging would do that to you.
She was supposed to rest but was really chafing under the restrictions. Everyone took that as a good sign.
Besides, there was no way she was going to miss Jo's party.
As they started down, Lyssa stopped. "We never got her a present!"
Emmett turns to his mate and puts his hands on her shoulders, sliding down her arms, he takes her left hand. The arm is still bulky because of the cast. He brings her hand to his lips, kisses it, then places her hand on his chest. "Dear heart, she's here, because of you. I don't think she expects any other present but you."
[Lyssa, can you come to my room?]
[Give me a couple minutes, Jo.] "Joanna wants me to come down."
"Alright, then."
"No. No. Back to our room, first." Mystified, Emmett walks with her. She was still a bit unsteady and slow.