The lunch crowd rushed along the sidewalk, flowing around Milly as if she were a pebble in a coursing river. She clung to her purse, fixing her chestnut brown hair every time a pedestrian jostled her. The two chopsticks holding her hair up felt loose but she had no time to fix them; she just prayed they wouldn't come out. They were her only nice pair, despite the chips along their length.
She moved with a purpose, keeping her distance from everyone as they made their way to their favorite cafes. Her stomach growled but she pressed her balled hand against her cream-colored blouse. A passing woman knocked into her without a backwards glance or apology and Milly stuck her tongue out at the woman's retreating back.
A black and white marbled column provided her a safe haven in order to fix her hair and to recenter the cheap plastic "pearl" necklace she wore. She sighed as she touched it and remembered her mother laughing at her for wearing so many fake products.
"I just want to look nice," she whispered, tugging at her skirt to hide the edge of the tear in her stockings.
Earlier, she'd caught her stocking on an open filing cabinet and it ripped through the expensive silk like it was nothing. She'd run to the corner of the supply room, out of view, and cried. It was her first job after college and student loans were killing her. Unlike the fake pearls, she'd splurged on her work outfit and been particularly proud of her hosiery. Real silk, cool and sleek against her legs.
Her destination was across the street. She stepped into the flow of people and then back again as nobody made way for her.
"I can do this," she told herself quietly, fixing her face with a look of determination. The effect was spoiled by the twin dimples on her cheeks and her small stature. "I
will
do this."
Taking a deep breath, she dived in, moving and bumping through the crowd until she reached the crosswalk. The light turned green and she followed the waiting group, almost falling when her heels caught a loose stone. A stranger chuckled behind her and her face burned but she wrinkled her nose, squinted her eyes and continued without looking back.
Turning away from everyone, she walked to the thrift store. Her hand rested on the door but she paused to look around, suddenly sure that all of her coworkers would be there, watching and judging her for where she shopped. A quick look assured her that she was being silly and she walked in.
She hated that she worried what others thought but she wanted to make a good impression. Her mother's condescending laugh echoed in her mind, forcing her to stand taller. The act made her wobble on her unfamiliar heels and she hurried into the store, hoping nobody would notice.
The women's section of the store was far larger compared to the rest and she wound through it, searching for the intimate apparel section. This deep downtown, the only clothing stores were far outside her budget and she needed
something
to wear before going back to work; her apartment was an hour long bus ride away which put her backup clothes out of reach.
"Oh. Oh, gross," she said, sticking her tongue out.
She'd found the stockings - all cheap no-name brands barely any better than wet tissue, next to panties. Used panties. She walked wide of them, turning her head purposefully away until she reached the rack she wanted. They were all nondescript black with the texture of sandpaper. Milly closed her eyes and leaned forward to rest her forehead against the cool metal bar of the rack.
With her eyes closed, she sighed heavily and grabbed the first set next to her hand. She went to her tiptoes and nearly fell before catching herself on the rack. The poorly constructed structure wobbled and she squawked as she almost dumped the entire collection of merchandise. Her cheeks blazed as she moved away, wiping her hands on her skirt.
A bored girl with black hair and Kohl rimmed eyes stood nearby, slowly reshelving clothing. Milly admired her nose stud and wished she had the courage to wear the same. Holding the chosen hose close, she walked to her.
And then stopped.
A large bin lay between rows. She leaned back and then forward. And then back and forward again.
At the very corner of the bin were a pair of sheer gray stockings. What caught her attention was the faint shimmering black spots hidden in the fabric. She leaned back once more, watching as the spots appeared to move in the lights high overhead.
Her curiosity was piqued. Milly brushed past musty clothing until she stood before the canvas bin. She reached behind herself to hang the cheap hose on a nearby rack and then let it drop.
"So soft," she whispered, stroking the material. She picked one of them up, tilting it in the light to admire the unique patterns.
Grabbing the second hose, she looked around for the girl she'd seen earlier - and nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized she was standing nearby.
"Oh, uh," Milly said, rubbing the stockings between her fingers. "Uh. Can I put these on here if I buy them? I need them for work."
"Sure," the girl said without looking up from her stack of clothes. "I don't care."
"Thanks!" she told her, clutching the items to her chest.
No line waited for her at the checkout but a scrawny teenage boy leaned against the counter with an old portable game system in his hands.
Aww, man, really?
she sighed to herself.
Biting her lip, she waffled back and forth on whether she had the nerve to make the purchase.
You've got this, Milly,
she told herself. Pushing out her chest, she strode forward confidently and slammed the stockings down on the counter.
"I'd like to buy these, please," she said loudly, maintaining eye contact with the thin young man. "They're for
work