Author's Note: Everyone in this story is eighteen or older!
Stephanie and Arthur Miller watched through the second story window of their posh uptown home as the neighborhood burned down around them. Not literally, but figuratively. The arsonists were burly looking moving men. Their torches and firebombs were the crates and boxes that weighed down the back of their truck. And the rubble that would be left afterward came in the form of a broad shouldered, scaled lizardman in a Hawaiian T-shirt pitching in to help one of the moving men drag a pool table off the loading van's elevator.
"Well," Stephanie said, dryly. "At least they're not
zebras
."
Arthur sniffed loudly.
Meanwhile, downstairs, their teenage daughter Fiona was busily texting away on her phone. She was bent over the central island that dominated the kitchen, her elbows resting on the mahogany surface, and was hitting her touchscreen so hard with her thumbs that she would be shocked if she wasn't bruised tomorrow morning.
"No," she muttered under her breath. "Basic income
doesn't promote
laziness, you hack..."
"Honey!"
Fiona looked up to see her mother coming down the stairs, a E-cigarette still dangling lazily from one finger. Mother -- and it was always mother, never Mom or Ma or Mommy -- looked as if someone had eaten her favorite flower arrangements and dinged one of her cars. Fiona quickly hit the sleep button on her phone and put her phone face down on the island's surface. Her hands automatically went down to brush her skirt down and into place as she smiled at Mother.
"What's up?" she asked.
"I wanted to warn you," Mother said, sticking the E-cig between her lips. She breathed in, then let the smoke trail out of her nose. "There are new neighbors arriving."
"Oh, I noticed the moving van," Fiona said.
"And under
no
circumstances are you to bother them," Mother said, nodding. "They look like they're, ah, not the kind of people we are going to associate with much."
"What?" Fiona's brow furrowed slightly. Before she could ask for some elaboration, though, the front door buzzed and a jovial voice that sounded like it belonged in the gravely narration of a movie trailer called through the door.
"Hello neighbors!"
Fiona stepped past her appalled looking mother and came to the front door. When she opened the door, she found herself face to face with the most amazingly garish Hawaiian T-shirt that she had ever seen in her life. The owner of the T-shirt was a seven foot tall, green scaled lizardman with a trio of bright red frills that went up over his forehead and then vanished into the collar of his shirt. He had a tail that twitched from side to side and he wore a pair of short shorts that were just as brightly colored as the rest of him. He also held a basket in his hands and had slung his arm around the shoulders of a much shorter, much skinnier looking lizardman -- well, lizardboy, really -- who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.
"Hello!" the lizardman boomed. "I'm Frank! Frank Springtail -- and this is my son, Trevor."
Trevor grunted.
"And this is my other son, Marvin!"
Marvin -- who was standing just a little bit behind his father and looked exactly like Trevor -- didn't even grunt. He was busy tapping away at a handheld computer that sounded like it was playing Skyrim from the loud sounds of Alduin's booming voice -- rendered somewhat comical by the tinny speakers.
"Marvin, at least provide a monosyllabic grunt," Frank muttered.
"Wait, you're Frank
Springtail
?" Fiona asked, her eyes widening.
Behind her, Mother's masklike polite smile was becoming more and more forced.
"Well, I was last time I checked! Hah!" Frank said, laughing.
"Here it comes," Marvin muttered.
"But in case you need confirmation, yes, I am Senator Frank Springtail. And yes, that was me who handled that little Russian thing," Frank said, nodding slightly. "I figured that living up in Sacramento was all well and good for my retirement, but why be happy with just five terms in the Senate when you can set your sights just a little
higher
." He winked at Fiona -- using that odd double-blink that some lizards used, when their eyelid came down a moment after their nictitating membrane.
"I-" Fiona put her hands over her mouth. "You're running for President!?"
"Well, I don't want to brag. And the big two oh two oh is a little way off, and I have great confidence in the President," Frank said, nodding slightly. "She'll be fine without me bustling in on the ring."
"Well, so glad to meet you," Mother finally forced out the words past the mask. "But, ah, Fiona's piano lessons are very soon, and we need to get her ready for that, have a good day."
And, quite rudely, she pushed the door shut in the Springtail family's face.
Frank stood there, frowning as he looked down at the welcome basket. Trevor sighed and rolled his eyes in the sullen way that only an eighteen year old could.
"God, Dad," he said. "Don't you know that
they
are the ones who are supposed to give
us
welcome baskets?"
"Well, I didn't think it'd be that offensive," Frank said, shaking his head slightly. "And you could have stood to be less rude, Marvin."
Marvin grunted monosyllabically.
###
There were two very different dinners going on that day on Dragon Lane.
At 1323 Dragon Lane, the boxes were still mostly packed. The Springtail family had dragged out their dining table, ordered some local Five Guys, and sat down to munch on hamburgers and french fries while watching the latest episode of
I Can't Believe Marley Wore That.
As the canned laughter filled the house from the barely set up television, Frank paused between eating his hamburger to kiss and nuzzle his wife's neck. Shelia Springtail was little better -- her tail was wrapped so tightly around her husband's that they might as well have had one butt.
Marvin spent his time leveling his alchemy skill on his Switch.
Trevor, though, absconded with his meal and headed upstairs to fling himself flat on the bedroom that would be his once the boxes were unpacked. There, he glared out of the window as he lef this hamburger uneaten.