For the Whored

Elunara handed John her board. "Today you're going to look like a flunky. Jitter, misspell, ask stupid questions. Don't care if you fumble the board a time or two and spend too much time trying to clean it back up."

"Generally look incompetent."

"Now you're getting it." She nodded. "Let's go make some rounds."

"I thought you said Kelly was on the fifth."

"No, I said Kelly was on the FOURTH. Clean the shit out of your ears." Elunara was surprised to see Renwa at the training yard with Duchie. She grinned and kept bitching at John for stupidity. They came up to Renwa.

"I see you're still trying to make him work." Renwa sneered.

"He's awful, but I make due."

"So Reba is..."

"Rebecca." Elunara rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Do you actually listen, or are you too busy fantasizing about Tippy?"

John blushed and dropped his board. "Sorry! Sorry!" He stooped down and hastily yanked papers on to the board.

"By the Gods, treat my paper with respect or I'll kick your fucking ass."

"Sorry." He grumbled. "I'm fucking trying."

"What was that?"

He shook his head. The papers mostly back in place; he stood up and popped the board closed.

"Hey, do you know how much damage a crease can do?" She put her hands on her hips.

He recognized that sound, and without even thinking about what he was doing, John held the board up. An arrow cracked through the back of it and broke out through the center. Everyone just stared at the board in his hand.

"Damn, John. I don't know if I should be pissed you broke my board, or impressed you blocked that shot."

Renwa wiped a hand across his mouth. "I do believe I'm impressed he just saved my life."

A soldier ran up. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I don't know what happened!" He held up the bow. "My shot went wild when the bow splintered."

Grogek marched up. "Let me see that."

The soldier swallowed hard and handed the bow over. "It was an accident, I swear."

"There's been damage to the wood." He frowned. "CHECK ALL OF THE EQUIPMENT NOW!" He bellowed.

Admiral Duchie put his hands on his hips. "Are you saying this was sabotage?"

Elunara glared at Duchie. "I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

"Are you accusing me...?"

"I don't know how I did that." John was turning the board this way and that, looking at the arrow. He touched the tip and sliced his finger open.

"Whatever you just did, you've just saved my life." Renwa put a hand on John's shoulder. "And that means a lot."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

"You're dripping blood on it." Elunara took the board and snapped the tip off of the arrow and dislodged it from the board. Grabbing his wrist, she pumped enough energy in his hand to seal the cut. "Well, you're not completely useless, I guess."

Grogek added more weapons to the pile. "More than half of our weapons have been damaged, some beyond repair, many just simply to cause injury. Some of these will have to be re-forged, others replaced completely."

"Don't you people inspect this regularly?" Duchie snarled.

"We do a mass inspection once a month, and a daily inspection just before the weapon is put up. There are logs." Jordan handed over a log to Renwa. "Most of the items before you were inspected the night before and shown to have no defects. Our soldiers are supposed to give a cursory inspection when they pick up a weapon." He shook his head.

"Incompetence!"

"No." Elunara examined some of the weapons. "This had to of happened last night. If you look, the cuts in the wood are very precise, intending to have it fail in a certain direction. On top of that, the wood hasn't had time to discolor from use. These can't be older that eight or ten hours? Tops." She tossed the bow to Renwa.

"I agree with Elunara."

Jordan snorted. "If I didn't know any better, I'd swear this was supposed to look bad on me. I'm the one who holds final inspection of the weapons at night."

"Funny how that works." Elunara murmured. "Well, in any event, I think we should send a message to Varian, see if we can get him to toss us some freshly forged weapons. That'll make up lost time." She tapped a finger to her chin. "In fact, I'll write it."

"Thank you, Elunara." Renwa nodded.

"Why her?" Duchie frowned.

"She is the Envoy, and King Wrynn's personal friend. Her letters don't get tangled in the usual red tape."

Elunara and Renwa exchanged a smirk.

"Then I want to see this letter first!"

Elunara raised an eyebrow. "Now I know why you read my books so often... the smut." She shook her head. "I'm pretty sure, Varian would consider some of the things I usually put in my... letters, to be a matter of PERSONAL secrecy."

"You are making an OFFICAL request!"

"No, I'm writing a letter. An official request might take us a couple of months. This will work much faster." She brushed her fingers across his cheek. "I can be very... persuasive."

He shuddered and stepped back.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write."

She sent the letter through a personal courier. While she was at it, she tossed in a few letters to the SI:7.

"I fail to see why you insisted on using THAT courier, when we have a perfectly good one." Duchie crossed his arms.

"Because he's SI:7 and the courier Varian and I always use." She turned and left.

Varian ran a finger on the map and frowned. He looked up as the courier ran in and handed him a letter. Recognizing Elunara's flowery script, he rolled his eyes. Taking it, he opened it up and leaned a hip against the table. It didn't take him long to understand the message beneath the frill.

Elunara sat on top of the hill, drawing the scene below. As predicted, training had practically come to a screeching halt. They trained bodies and fists, instead of weapons and tactics. Grogek took the time to show them all how to go from weaponed, to disarmed, and how to survive or even win, without use of their weapons.

Duchie had taken to standing on the platform, just glaring down at the activities. She would have given anything to know what was in that tiny brain of his.

She spotted the arrival of Varian. Making sure he was looking up, she waved her arms in a specific pattern before snatching up her board and heading down to the platform. She tossed the crumpled paper and watched it flame out. A few moments later, Renwa appeared out of seemingly nowhere to come stand on the platform.

"Are they handling the loss of weapons well?"

"As well as to be expected." Elunara shrugged, popping open her board and adding more detail.

A trumpet sounded, and all three looked up, to see Varian coming over the hill. He ignored all else and headed straight for her. When he put his hands on either side of her face, she was momentarily stunned.

"Were you hurt?"

She put her hands on his wrists and smiled. "Oh, no. No, I wasn't the one in danger, darling. Renwa was the one who almost took an arrow to the face."

Varian let out the breath he was holding and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm glad you're alright." He turned to Renwa and went official. "And you?"

"Elunara's newest assistant saved my life, with a well timed block using Elunara's board."

She showed him the damaged board. "I'm still trying to get it fixed."

"I'll replace it." Varian nodded.

She returned the signal. "Oh, don't worry about me."

"You know I do."

She sighed. "Never figured out why."

Duchie was grinding his teeth so loud, Elunara thought she heard a snap. "This is completely ridiculous. You ARE aware of what she... is... aren't you, Sir?"

"The best there is?" Varian raised an eyebrow. "Good at what she does? I fail to see what you're implying."

"A whore." Duchie hissed.

"Yes, that's her codename." Varian looked at Elunara in confusion.

"He's also aware that I have two husbands and a wife, as well as runs a sex parlor. Your point?"

"Two? You finally married Jordan then?"

"Well, it's more like I declared him my husband." She wrapped an arm around Varian's waist. "Oh, you should know. Zelinnia is having another baby."

Varian turned to Renwa. "Wonderful!"`

Elunara was certain that Duchie wanted to stomp his feet and throw a massive tantrum.

"Sir! We have a serious problem here!"

"Oh, yes." Varian gave a hand signal. "I had almost forgotten your request."

Several men came forward with crates and dropped them on the ground, popping the tops off.

"The finest weapons I could put together under such a short order." He smiled lovingly at Elunara. "Anything to make you happy."

"Aw, you're too sweet."

"When will you be returning to Stormwind next?"

"After this campaign is over. Once we no longer need so many people out here, I would love to find my family a home in Stormwind."

"Consider it done."

"Sir!" Duchie interrupted again. "The weapons we have were sabotaged. If they cannot keep their own weapons in working order, what is the point of giving them new ones?"

"I'm certain that Elunara..." He stopped and blinked. "And Renwa, of course." He laughed. "Are doing the best they can to solve the mystery."

"Grogek and Jordan are working round the clock." Elunara nodded.

"See? There you go." Varian beamed at her. "Oh, I know I should be more on this, but you turn my brain to mush. How about we go... catch up?"

"Of course." She grinned and ran her hand on his breastplate and motioned to Renwa.

Once in her house, she dropped her arm.

"Ugh, any more of that and I was going to make myself vomit." Varian sighed. "Now tell me why I have to act like a simpering buffoon in front of Duchie?"

"First, it's just fun to take him down a peg." Elunara grinned. "Second, we've uncovered a plot, that we're not really sure where it's going, but Duchie's behind it."

"That much I understood."

"Ever since Duchie came through the portal, his original task was to learn the ins and outs of this town, so that he may better understand why we are so successful. I even suggested to him to read Elunara's books so that he may have a detailed account and understanding of us. As you know, Elunara's details are flawless."

Varian nodded. "I've skimmed through them myself."

"He has read them all twice, some books multiple times. Always taking the book out of my library and reading it elsewhere."

"Yet, when Tyrande came for a visit, he was shocked as shit that she was Elunara's mother."

Varian raised an eyebrow. "That... is impossible."

"There's other things, but the end result, is that Duchie spends all of his time in my office, doing absolutely dick. He hasn't taken the time to learn a damned thing. He also spends time insulting the very people I call friends." Renwa grit his teeth. "I know it's a minor thing, but he even goes so far as to refer to my wife as "the Blood Elf" rather than by her name."

Varian shook his head. "That's not a minor thing, that's downright rude."

"When I started tracking which books he looks at the most often, all of them are related to Renwa. Typically my inner most thoughts and observations on him." She stepped into her library and pulled out a book. "This is the most often. The pages with glowing numbers are the ones he read multiple times, or had opened to the longest."

Varian flipped through the pages. "This is all fighting tactics."

"The reason I've had you go so out of character, is the fact that Duchie likes to try and pull rank on my ass." Elunara glared. "He gets snitty if I don't call him Admiral, and likes to lecture me on what my "job" as an Envoy actually entails. In a few cases, he's actually threatened to tattle on me to you. He refuses to believe that a mere "whore" could mean shit to the valuable King of Stormwind. He REALLY gets pissy when I call you Varian, rather than by a title."

Varian snorted. "I couldn't get you to use rank and title if I held a sword to your throat."

"Believe me, Duchie's tried."

"But, why all of this?"

"I believe Duchie doesn't want his own town, I think he wants THIS town. Rather than trying to figure out how to build his own, it would be easier to make us all file into rank, and then arrange for the accidental death of Renwa."

"That's high accusation."

"I freely admit that the effort is beyond the range of Duchie himself." Renwa snorted.

"So who would aid him? This town seems pretty damned close knit."

"I've told you before about the shit cleaner..." Renwa began. "Well, turns out, that's Duchie's son.

"Well, that adds a new degree to the shade." He shook his head. "But, why not just remove the man?"

"Because he's incompetent." Elunara shrugged. "The arrow was a fluke, a bad one, but a fluke all the same. Terrance was never useful as a soldier, and quite frankly, he only controlled his sister out of fear and intimidation."

"How do we know the sister is not involved?"

Elunara shrugged. "We don't, that's why I'm having her watched."

Varian snorted. "You were always thorough."

Elunara almost jumped out of her skin when the boys ran in.

"Hi Momma." Darguni called cheerfully.

Varian chuckled. "I've never seen you startled before."

"Yeah, well, you've never seen me with a pair of kids that pop out of no damned where."

Bradly gasped and knelt, lowering his head.

"What are you doing?" Darguni frowned.

Grabbing his brother's hand, he yanked him down. "That's the King of Stormwind!" He hissed.

Varian laughed. "Your mother doesn't kneel to me; it's probably fitting that her children shouldn't."

Bradly stood up and put his hands behind his back. "Thank you for letting Momma keep me."

"You won't have to worry about... that other woman. She's in prison."

He nodded. "She's certainly not my mother." Bradly wrapped his arms around Elunara's waist. "This is my momma."

Elunara sighed and ran her hand on his hair. "Go get Yoona before I barf on your head."

"EW!" Both boys yelled at once before running back into the other room. They led Yoona on her leash, out the door.

"It's always fascinating to see how people react to you."

"You should have been here a couple of weeks ago, everyone calling me goddess, and praising my name. It was completely absurd." She sighed.

"Says the woman who sprouted wings and turned her dagger into goddamned sword." Renwa snorted. "The only person in the crowd who didn't believe in your impending divinity was Terrance."

"And yet he gave me energy."

"He what?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure it was intentional, but when I called for it, EVERYONE gave to me, even Duchie, even Terrance. It wasn't forced either. They all went in for the worship."

"Damn."

"Ok, I'm lost." Varian shook his head.

"I... kind of got possessed by a demon? Tyrande came out to help with a purification ritual..." She flexed her hand. Holding up her dagger, she activated the sword. Closing her eyes she focused her energy and spread the wings. She looked at Varian. "I am now the Goddess of War and Mercy. This is what people see, and why they're worshipping me."

"Holy damn."

She dropped the illusion and stared at her dagger. "If it was just an illusion, people would give it up, hell I could pass for a paladin or priestess, but I keep doing bizarre shit. Like killing thirty or forty orcs by myself in about six minutes. But during the purification ritual, the demon presence came out of my body and I began to fight him. I wasn't making headway, so I called for the town to loan me energy. Next thing I know, every single person was giving me energy. When I woke up, the entire town was calling me goddess."

"And then you started hiding like a coward." Renwa crossed his arms.

"Ok, I would have paid to see Elunara acting like a coward."

"Shush, you." Elunara pointed at him. "Aside from my miraculous assent to deification, we have a more pressing matter. Namely that Duchie wants to replace Renwa as leader of our town, and I'm not about to let him."

"If you were anyone else, I would seriously call into question how this plan of yours is going to work, but having seen firsthand how your crazy schemes seem to work, I'm willing to go along with this. I will have it noted that if this costs Renwa his life..."

She gave him an annoyed look. "I fear Zelinnia's rage more than yours."

"You beat me in one little duel..."

"Anyway, Renwa is my dear friend. I would not hesitate to do for him what I did for Jordan or Grogek."

"Then we are in agreement."

"Gods, I hope you don't have to repeat what you did for them." Renwa shuddered.

Varian put a hand on Renwa's shoulder. "Stay safe." He then sighed. "Do I have to continue acting like a moron?"

"Nah, just a self satisfied moron, and truly, only in front of Duchie. He has to believe the ruse that my opinion is always more important that his own. Though, I only requested in my letter that you act as if you missed me."

"That would be no ruse. Besides, I figured the scented paper required something... extra." Varian grinned. "And I am serious, when you come back to Stormwind; I'll make sure your family is well cared for."

She stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"Ugh, now I'm going to throw up." Renwa laughed.

"Hey, maybe next time we meet up, we really can catch up." Elunara winked.

"I will have to severely debate that."

"Hey, Renwa, do us all a favor, and ask Tulani to use her back door. Us in a threesome would break the suspension of disbelief."

He shivered. "You have a point."

Elunara and Varian walked arm in arm back to the platform where Duchie still stood, watching.

She said some random bullshit, and Varian laughed. Varian started making up a story off the top of his head. "So then I told her, you'll never make a decent Elunara." He pointedly ignored Duchie's attempt to gain his attention.

She giggled. "Oh, why do they even bother to try and replace ME?"

"Because an agent like you is an invaluable asset. It's such a shame you've left the service."

"When I return to Stormwind, I'll consider taking point as trainer. Mathias has asked me several times."

"But what about..."

"Oh, I'll never stop doing THAT." She grinned.

He seemed relieved. "Forgive me." He kissed her hand. "I have work in Stormwind to return to."

"Have a safe trip."

He smiled and brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. "Yeah." He turned and nodded to his men.

"Wait, Sir, I wish to speak with you!"

Varian eyed Duchie. "Don't you have a town to get back to?"

"But, I..."

"You shouldn't spend so much time in Elunar—I mean, Renwa's town. Go back to your own town and see to affairs there." Varian kept marching.

Jordan appeared by Elunara's side and grinned at Varian walking away. "Now, I'm curious."

"I'll tell you later." She slipped her hand into his.

"Something tells me that Duchie did not get what he wanted out of that."

"Not a damned thing." She laughed. "How are the new weapons?"

"Top of the line. Whatever you said to Varian got us some serious results."

"Good."

"Did you know they even sabotaged the children's weapons?"

"The fuck?"

"Can't believe I'm seeing it either. But the wooden practice swords, bows, and even the staves were cut to have break points, so the kids would go to smack either other, and get splinters in unfun places."

"I can see Terrance doing that. He'll do anything out of spite."

"There's a minor hitch. Neither of his guards for the night recall him leaving his shack."

"Multiple possibilities. First, he's not our guy. Second, guard fell asleep. Third, guard is working with him. Fourth, multiple guards are working with him."

"Not liking any of those."

"Quite frankly, me either."

Elunara knocked on the door.

Mark opened it. "Oh, thank the Gods. She was up all night."

"How has seen been the past few days?"

"Too damned sick to function. Thank you for sending Terica by the way, she's been a huge help." He ran his fingers through his hair. "You know, I originally liked the idea of having like three or four kids..., but after seeing her like this," He frowned. "I'm not even sure I want the one." He wrung his hands. "Please don't tell her I said that, it'd only upset her."