New Salem

The first time, he touched me for warmth. I swear.

Winters in the New World were brutal. That day, I fought my way through deep snow to reach the barn, carrying his meal with shaking hands. There wasn't a pair of knitted mittens anywhere on the planet that could withstand that wind. However well the system had been terraformed, there were always anomalies.

I stamped my feet on the muddy stoop before I entered. The barn was only just warmer than the elements. Sharp blasts of wind pushed icy air through the slats. By the time I found him with the ewe, my hands were numb.

"You didn't have to come all this way," he said, keeping his hands and eyes on the sheep. "She won't be ready a while yet, I think."

"Elisabeth insisted," I said. "She said you left before breakfast." I placed his bundled lunch on a dusty barrel and leaned against the low stall wall. The rough slats bit into my chest as I looked down at the ewe. "Will they survive?"

"Oh, I'll see that they will," he said, "but it's too early for lambing. I'll have to note the aberration and make report."

I rubbed my hands together and blew on my fingers. "I didn't think the auditors cared about animal husbandry."

"They want data," he said. His tanned, calloused hand caressed the sheep's head. She struggled to her feet, wandered in a circle, and pawed at the ground.

I knew I should return to the house, but the thought of facing the wind again made me shiver. "When will you need help?"

"Have you turned a lamb?" He looked at me and his dark eyes narrowed. "Where is your cloak?" he demanded.

I shook my head. "I don't have one. I have my shawl." I didn't tell him I had sold my wool cloak. I didn't tell him why.

He rose to his feet. He was only a few inches taller than me, but his broad shoulders made him seem much larger. "Surely, we have an extra somewhere."

I didn't tell him I was far too afraid of his wife to ask for something so expensive. I shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Here." He moved to stand behind me and wrapped his thick cloak around us both. The warmth was instantaneous and such a relief that my knees buckled. His arms tightened and he gently lifted my arms over the stall's wall. "Deep breaths," he said softly. "You'll be all right in a moment."

I was embarrassed by the dizziness and ringing in my ears. My mittened hands held tightly to the wall while my vision cleared. "I'm... sorry," I stammered.

"Shhh." His warm breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine. "You must get warm before you return to the house. If you froze to death between here and there, I'd be censured."

"They won't let me die," I pointed out. "I'd be too expensive to replace."

"And allowing you to contract hypothermia will prove what, exactly?"

I shook my head. "You know better than to ask. 'They' have reasons."

His arms tightened around my shoulders. I could tell that he wanted to say more, but who knew when we were monitored? "Elisabeth will expect me," I said at last.

"She can wait a few minutes," he said firmly. "A lazy housemaid is far better than a frozen one."

I gasped. "Lazy?"

His chuckle rumbled deep in his chest, pressed to my back. "I won't tell," he teased.

I felt the warmth of his body radiating against mine. "I'm not lazy," I said.

He leaned against me until I was pressed between him and the stall. "You're not very obedient either," he said. "I order you to warm up."

"Yes, sir." I clutched the cloak tightly around us. His hands slid around my waist and pulled me into him.

The heat flooding my body surprised me; I had never been so close to a man. I hoped that he was unaware how his proximity affected me, or that the trembling in my limbs had nothing to do with the cold.

"How... how long, do you think?" I stammered, watching the ewe. Despite her labored breathing, the sheep appeared calmer.

"It will be a few hours, at least," he said. "Twins are always difficult. And I think that one is feet first."

His voice in my ear was intoxicating; every day, I hungered for his kindness in the cold, brutal house. I knew I should have more compassion for Elisabeth. I was ashamed of my desire to stay under his cloak.

Neither of us moved or spoke, as if silence would make a single moment last for eternity. The barn's bitter cold faded from the circle of warm light cast by the smoky lantern. The ewe circled again.

And then, just as I was certain he would pull away and return us to the world of duties and chores and ice, I felt him.

I felt the pressure against the small of my back. He grew larger and harder with every passing second, until I was unable to deny what was pressed between our bodies.

My grip on the low wall tightened. My breathing was loud in my ears.

I pretended it wasn't happening. I did not want to shame him. His physical reaction was natural, given our position. My sister had explained that much. I knew that he was too good to suspect my desires, and I was too far beneath his status to hope he returned my affection.

He rested his chin on my shoulder, and we stared down at the animal, as if focusing on the outside world removed us from the reality beneath that gray cloak.

His hands, resting gently on my stomach, were trembling. His warm palm slid over my hip; it made me shiver with pleasure. I dared to hope.

He pressed his lips to my ear. "Are you... still cold?"

I closed my eyes, trying to imprint the moment in my memory. "I'm not cold," I whispered.

"Should I release you, then?"

A jolt of panic. "No," I begged. "Please... don't."

The hand on my stomach pulled me against his chest. "Then, I won't," he murmured.

Instinctively, I pressed my backside against him. He gasped, and his fingers tightened their grip on my waist. His hips moved subtly against me. He leaned his forehead against my hair and a soft moan escaped him.

Desire and fear balanced on the edge of a knife. I was terrified that the wrong word or movement would break this spell.

Then, a moment of inspiration -- I put my hand over his and drew it higher until his shaking fingers tentatively stroked the underside of my breast. When his hesitation persisted, I pressed his hand harder, until the soft mound spread beneath our fingers. An involuntary sound escaped me.

The frozen desire of minutes melted away in an instant. He gripped the stall wall and his body crushed me against the cold wood. I gasped for breath as his body writhed against mine. His breath was shallow and fast, and I felt his hardness rise and fall on the curve of my ass. The hesitation between us was gone.

Now, there was nothing but the carnal. I had wondered about him, on dark, lonely nights, but I had never imagined the strength of his cock, or how it would feel against my soft curves. His strong legs rubbed the back of my thighs until the pleasure of his touch made my legs weak. His movements supported me and lifted my body until my breasts spilled over the stall wall.

Despite the clothing that separated our bodies, I felt every breath in his broad chest. I was aware of every shift in the muscles of his legs and arms. I felt the swelling in him before his groans warned me what was coming.

His hands gripped the wall. The planks creaked beneath the pressure of us. I placed one hand over his for support and braced my feet against his.

A moment later, he buried his face in the nape of my neck and cried out. I will never forget that sound; the sharp, honest bark of release. The heat between us was so all-consuming that I released my grip on the cloak and a wave of cool air soother my sweating back. His pressure on my body relented, and one hand returned to my stomach, where it caressed the front of my worn dress.

"Forgive me," he whispered into my ear. "Forgive me."

I could not think. I had never expected this moment, whatever my fantasies may have been. I gently removed the hand from my stomach and brought it to my lips. I could feel his trembling forearm against my heated breast.

His gasp was almost a sob. I kissed his hand again and again, until the tension in his body gave way to relief. He had been afraid to take advantage of me, I knew. I could not tell him how much I wanted his touch and more.

We shared the heat between us for a long time.