Preamble:
There is incestuous titillation and teasing in this chapter, but no sex, at least not yet in this story. If you're looking for bruising, caterwauling and torrenting action by sex triathletes, this is not for you, skip along.
***
Am I into sex toys?
No. Honestly, I found them impersonal and vulgar. But, something happened which moved me to think differently. Now, I have my very own. But, only one.
There is a bit of a backstory to it...
***
I'm Tessa. I'm in my early forties. I was vacationing with my only child, my eighteen year old, Marc, in a faraway exotic locale a continent away. My husband was supposed to be with us, but he had to cancel at late notice because of an unforeseen work contingency.
So, there we were, in a place we knew nobody, blissfully anonymous. Liberating, though I couldn't really say for what.
Maybe put on my wickedest Wicked Weasel bikini? My swells of ripe fruit near spilling out. What would my son think? Just how would he react? Maybe even let myself out a bit in my alone time?
***
It was a small cottage with a veranda facing the sea. White walls. Retiled roof. Door painted a deep green. A riot of bougainvilleas overgrew the low stone wall that surrounded the house. The cottage was pleasantly cool. A living room. A medium-sized dining room and kitchen. The walls were white stucco, with a couple of abstract paintings. In the living room, there was a sofa and a bookshelf. Two bedrooms and a small tiled bathroom. The furniture was cosy and lived in.
***
We got up early every morning. The sky was a blast of light. Packed a bag with towels, water, sunscreen. Walked to the beach on the other side of the mountain. The shore was so beautiful. It took our breath away. The sand was pure white. There were hardly any waves. It was a little out of the way, though. Few people went there, particularly in the morning. Everyone swam nude. We didn't. Not that we were prudes. It just would be a little awkward. I sensed that my connection with Marc was growing day by day. Maybe toward the end of our vacation? Let's see...
After the swim, we'd go for a natural fresh water bath. The trail was half a mile.
The fall was not a single majestic fall. A succession of small ones. First, there were a number of foaming little torrents. They burst through the rocks about twenty yards above from where we usually were. Then came two beautiful rolls of white water, dashing into a pool. The pool was full of the clearest water. To birds on the wing, its glassy surface reflected the light sky. There was a swirl of water round its corner into another pool below. Black as death, seemingly of great depth.
Then a rush through a narrow outlet into yet another pool, from which the water clamoured away, down the narrow valley. I loved little brooks. Wherever I found a little running water, I was happy. A ridiculous happiness. It seemed to make me run and sing in spirit along with it.
We felt like we were in another world. I felt the urge of the seasons. The kiss of sun. The lash of weather. Even when it rained, the rain gave a gloomy grandeur to the scenery. The energy of the place was working on us. It made us feel truly free.
We'd walk back home over the mountain. Relished a simple meal. Then set off down the stone steps to the village. We'd have tea in the harbour cafe. Read the newspaper. Bought some food in a shop, then went home.
Some afternoons, I'd take a short nap on the veranda. No dreams. If anything, the nap itself seemed like a dream.
We then spent our time as we pleased until evening. In the woods, a distant bird would call, another would answer.
I was reading a book on the veranda, and listening to Brahms' Second Piano Concerto on the media player. There was something wonderful about Brahms playing at the edge of an ocean without a sign of anyone as far as the eye could see. Now, the cello passage that began the third movement. I was listening intently, sucking the music right out of the player.
In the evening, we'd go out to the harbour to watch the ferryboat come in. We'd have a cool drink. Watched the people getting off the boat.
A traveler saw what she saw. The tourist saw what she had come to see. Experience was not what happened to you. It was what you did with what happened to you.
There were still many things I had not done. Like planting a tree, to begin with.
***
Some evenings, Marc and I would traipse to the quaint seafront tavern for a drink. There was this local girl, likely a gypsy, who could really dance.
She danced like nobody else. She could draw feelings out of her audience. Feelings they hardly ever used. Or didn't even know they had. She'd bare these feelings to the light of day, the way you'd rip out a fish's guts.
She danced to the music. It was as if she was letting her body absorb the music. The music was dancing her.
One time, I was feeling particularly gay after imbibing more than my custom tipple. It was squarely Marc's fault. He pushed one too many toward me.
For some reason, my mind flitted back to my happy daze in Amsterdam when I was twenty. Maybe because I was in an atmospheric foreign F&B joint much like the coffee shops of Amsterdam. Maybe because I was with Marc and he was around my age then. Curiously, I had smoke on my mind. I could feel it in my mouth, drawn down into my lungs, filling me in a long rich dirty cinnamon sigh. And then, the rush as the nicotine hits the bloodstream. A rolling anticipation in my mouth. But, this was no time to restart. Thinking about it would suffice. Perversely, it gave me a mild hit.
I didn't know what moved me next. I joined the gypsy hussey on the floor. Just swaying to begin with. I started dancing, following her rhythm. Slowly at first. But gradually faster and faster until I was dancing like a whirlwind. My body no longer belonged to me. My arms, my legs, my feet, all moved wildly over the dance floor unconnected to my thoughts. I gave myself to the dance. And all the while, I could hear distinctly the transit of the stars, the shifting of the tides, the racing of the wind. This was truly what it meant to dance. I stamped my feet, swung my arms, tossed my head, and whirled. I was happy. I had never been so unaccountably happy.
When I rejoined Marc, he studied me with Jungian interest, "What happened there?"
"I was really happy," I said with a sad smile. Sad that I would never be that happy again.
Marc flashed a wise sweet smile as if he understood it all. I loved him for that because I understood nothing. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. His did just that.
***
We were window shopping. There was a sex shop which advertised that they could fabricate a 100% lifelike, life-sized 3D silicone replica dildo, by using hi-tech equipment to scan the particular male organ to capture every detail.
The advertisement suggested that the product could be a cute replica collectible for the owner of the organ, or could be an intimate gift for a lover partner.
I teased Marc that he should check it out. Although we were a modern liberal family, I had never discussed anything remotely sexual with Marc before. Marc was a little surprised at my forwardness, but not anywhere near shocked.
Marc chuckled. He said that he was game, if anything, just for a lark.