note: Another of the short lockdown stories. Everyone over 18. Quickly done so some editorial will have slipped. Shorter and less chaptered than my norm. Enjoy.
"This is ridiculous, Aunt Carol. You know it is."
"My house, my rules, you little shit."
Hand on hip and an attitude that I recognized from my own mother. Not to be fucked with.
"Look, I'll be very careful. This is a bit much, don't you think?"
"Not a bit. I'm glad to have you stay with me Hunter, but I will not have you fucking up my carpet and upholstery. You are 20 years old and male. In my experience, typing that into Google Translate produces the phrase 'permanent stain' so, strip that shit off right now and put it in the bag. We'll wash it all and you can have it back when it won't mess up my house."
I hadn't anticipated this, when I decided to stay on Aunt C's farm.
I had a spring break problem. I had wanted to go to the beach, as you do. But, the fact that I was broke wasn't going to allow that. And, I had a shot at doing an extra paper this term on a non-profit organization. I needed the points and it occurred to me that I could mix a sort of vacation in with the project. I'd stay with Aunt Carol and help her out. A bit of vacation, a bit of research for the project -- how hard could it be?
Carol had been totally cool with me coming out. She had somewhere over 60 acres -- whatever an acre is- and used the place to care for animals that might otherwise be put down. Not so much dogs and cats, though she certainly had a few of those, but she also had three horses at the moment. There were somewhere north of 12 sheep. Four pigs. Rabbits for some reason -- who knows how many of those were running around. And with all that four legged fun, she told me that she could always use a hand.
My aunt is a bit more granola than Mom ever was. While I grew up, largely, in the burbs, Carol was always more rustic. Something of a post-hippy Hippy. She definitely wasn't at Woodstock, but I'm pretty sure she was at the first Lollapalooza. She had lived a bit of a nomadic life as a teen, and eventually settled into working non-profit good work where she could. She did some graphic design, some web work, and ran this place. She lived a simple life, but was always trying to make the world better. I had a real soft spot for her, though, I admit I didn't totally think through what living with her for a week would be like.
See, she takes the whole animal thing seriously. At least as compared to me, I guess. Sure, I like animals. I'm not a monster. But, like in a favorite dog sort of way. Carol, though, is big on animal rights in a more thorough way. She is vegan. No leather in her house. No animal products of any kind as far as I could see. The carpet and upholstery she was concerned about, as far as I could figure, were rugs she bought in North Africa while "on tour" with a band I'd never heard of, and a lot of hand crocheted blankets. But, she was right. It was her house. And I was her guest. And I should follow her rules, but this seemed a bit extreme.
Carol had sent me out to muck out the horse stable. Now, I know, that's a bit gross. She'd given me some boots that fit okay, but the jeans and tee I was wearing were a bit... ripe. Sweat and horse shit will do that. Still, it had to be a normal thing around here, right.
"Aunt Carol, I get that you don't want your house messed up, but how do you deal with this? You don't seriously strip out of everything and wash it each time you get messy?"
"Correct."
"So, I'll just head back to the spare room, change out of these clothes and then pop them in the washer."
"Incorrect," she ruled. "I have other solutions, but you, are young, gross, and smell bad. So, I'll take the clothes. You can keep your drawers on if you don't sit on anything before you shower, but otherwise -- strip."
"Other solutions? Any of those open to me? I just think this is a little embarrassing."
"Shy? You're 20. You're relatively healthy. I'd be shocked if you weren't getting naked all over school. What's the deal?"
"Not so much that, I'm just saying this is a little embarrassing and you're my aunt. What is the other solution?"
"Well, sure... see that wooden partition in the yard?"
"Yeah... What... Oh, is that a shower head?"
"Yep. Here's the bag. Strip down, get a full shower, bag the clothes -- there are even a half dozen towels in that pantry so you don't have to walk back swingin' loose."
"Charming," I deadpanned. But, as I thought about it there was a certain amount of dignity I could save if I did this on my terms. Besides, she'd stay inside. No one lived nearby. So, I'd just pop over there, get cleaned up, and walk back in a towel. A towel could be dignified. And maybe an outdoor shower was a cool thing.
So, bag in hand I headed off to the shower.
I turned on the water and realized that I had exercised a shocking lack of forethought. Outdoor -- yes. One handle- yes. Meaning, probably one water temp. And I'm guessing it isn't going to be scalding. Sure, it's warm out, but even on a warm day a cold shower is challenging. Still, I'd already committed and I figured if Carol could do it so could I.
I stepped up to the shower and stripped out of my clothes. Thank god it was a warm day, but here's hoping no wind. I left the boots on the shower floor to clean them and stuffed everything else into the laundry bag before hanging it from the hook provided.
Okay, time to just do this.
Wow! That water was, in fact, cold. This would be the fastest shower on record. Fuck that was cold. I scrubbed stem to stern as fast as I could. It was brisk. The boots were only partially clear underneath me, when I finally called myself done and shut the water off. That would just have to do.
I reached for the pantry to get a towel, and wouldn't you know it. No towels. Not a damned one. This was not the deal.
"Oops, guess I forgot to restock," Carol had appeared beside the shower holding a stack of towels. Well, shit.
"Uh, yeah, I noticed." I kept my back decidedly to my aunt, but reached out behind me for the towel.
"I swear I'll stop laughing in a minute. I mean," I glanced over my shoulder and Carol was shaking as she tried to contain her giggles. "You do have a cute little tush, there, bud."
"Not 4 anymore Aunt Carol, but I am freezing. Could I have a towel please?"
"Oh, sure, babe. Here you go," she handed me a hand towel."
"You're a hoot."
"Oh, I see, you think you're too big. Hmm, well, if you'd rather I go back and look for a larger towel..."
"I'd rather you hand me one of the four others you're holding that seem bigger, thanks."