My father brought me a gift to celebrate six months since I moved in; he'd turned up early on Saturday morning at my flat, he was so used to me going out running at the crack of dawn that he turned up at nine o'clock expecting me to have already finished my run. What he couldn't have known was that I'd been to London the night before with Mark and I'd climbed the front of a ten story block of flats, using their balconies and the lightening conductor to get in to the penthouse suit and relieve the owner of the flat of his takings from the races on Saturday. I didn't even know the guy's name; all I knew was that he was an on-track bookmaker who kind of played down his profits in his dealings with the tax man, which is why he couldn't put his cash bag in the overnight safe at his local bank.
The man was so arrogant or sure of himself that he didn't even bother locking the doors from his bedroom onto his balcony and I didn't just find that days takings, I found a stash of cash that would have choked a whole herd of elephants, he must have been holding back money for the best part of a year, it was well worth a fingernail breaking one hundred and thirty foot climb up a vertical wall.
I got in home at eight o'clock so I'd only been home an hour when my dad woke me up. I was in bed naked, it was a good thing that I was alone and Mark had to drop me off and run so he could get rid of the stolen car before the streets warmed up too much, I dread to think what my father's reaction would be to finding me in bed with a man who was older than he was. I rushed to find something to cover myself up with and the only thing I could find in my bedroom was my emergency nighty under my pillow, I'd never actually worn it before so didn't know how good or bad a job it would do as a cover-up device so that I could answer my front door to my father.
I'd had to be quick at covering up because my bedroom was in a loft conversion and I had to run down two flights of stairs to get to the front door. My dad was talking to the man who lived across the road from me, just my luck that my father knew one of my neighbours. When I opened my front door my father blinked twice and stepped back in surprise, I looked from my father's face to my neighbour's face, my neighbour was almost licking his lips, "Well Mr. Porter, I'd better let you get on with your...erm...business, Nice to meet you face to face miss."
As my neighbour headed off down my front path towards his house my father pointed down to his car, "Got you a little housewarming present in my car; it's only a few scatter cushions..." I jumped off of my front door step and ran to my father's car to see what he'd brought me, "...hey, you're not dressed to be out on the street, come back here and get some clothes on!"
I suddenly realised that I could have just made a big mistake. The wind snatched at my nighty, a sudden and unpredicted zephyr lifted the bottom hem of my nighty threatening to embarrass my father, I skidded to a barefoot stop on my path, grabbed at the bottom of my nighty and shouted at my dad to catch the front door. I was too late, my house was very well insulated, the wind would never have closed my front door but for the fact that I had opened the Velux window in my en suite bathroom to let the steam from my shower escape when I got home from 'work' and because of the rush to get to the front door I'd forgotten the first order of security, 'Close and lock every door and window!'
I watched in disbelief as the door closed slowly before my father could get to it. My dad thought it would be okay, it was after all a mortise lock but as he turned the handle and the door didn't open he looked first surprised and then shocked, "The lock is high security, it needs a key to open it!"
My father asked me if the landlord or one of my neighbours would have a key, "That wouldn't be very safe or secure for me now would it?"
If I could think of a reason to send my father away for half an hour I'd be back in my house in a flash but I couldn't let him see me shinny up a drainpipe or pick my high security door lock so I'd have to play the helpless teenager for a little while. "We need to call in a locksmith!" was my father's considered opinion.
My father did a quick reconnoitre around my flat, "No windows open."
"Well, there is one open but it's the Velux window in my bathroom."
My dad bulked at that information, "I don't think I could get up on the roof darling!"
"Probably wouldn't do much good, the window only opens two inches and the security latch kicks in, your hands would be too fat to reach in and release it."
The guy across the road came out again, "Have you got a problem miss?"
"The door closed and now I'm locked out!"
"Well, I've got a ladder if you have a window left open."
My dad stepped in, "There's one open but it's up on the roof, I don't think I could get to it though."
"Can I borrow your ladder please Mr..."
"Col, Colin really love but just call me Col, hang on a minute and I'll fetch it, should be okay, I use it to do paint my gutters."
My father looked worried, "You can't go up there darling, you have no shoes on and totally inappropriately dressed."
"I'll be careful up there."
Col brought his ladder around and between then they propped it against my wall, unfortunately it fell a few inches short of the gutter so had to rest against the wall instead of the gutter, I'd have to work hard to get past the bargeboards and gutter.
"There's no way you can use that ladder, you'll kill yourself trying to get up on the roof with a short ladder."
"Well I'll try, I won't take any risks, if it isn't safe I'll come back down."
I started to climb the ladder barefoot, the rungs were painful as hell under my feet, by the time I was half way up I was regretting starting out, I looked down, my dad was holding the ladder, one foot on the bottom rung to stop it slipping. I saw him look up and then look away quickly; Col wasn't so shy though, he was taking a good long look up my nighty. I saw my father look up again, he saw that I was looking down at him and he blushed, "Come back down, it's too dangerous."
"I was just checking, I'm more than half way up, it'll hurt more to come down than carry on up."
I was careful to make sure that I walked the rest of the way up on the balls of my feet rather than the instep or toes but it was still painful. When my head was level with the gutter I just leaned out and carried on pushing with my legs, I managed to heave myself over the gutter but in the process I ripped my nighty and strained the muscles in my sides, 'Mental note to self, find exercises that will strengthen my sides, I really should be able to do this in my profession!"
I slid my hand into the Velux window; fortunately I had installed it so I knew exactly how the safety latch worked, I found it with my fingertips and tried to close the window enough to free the safety latch, I had to use all of my weight to crush my arm enough for the catch to release, it hurt like hell but I was in and able to drop down into my bathroom. I didn't bother changing, my dad and Col had after all seen my naked body as I climbed the ladder.
My father was very prissy about seeing my naked body and told me that I should have put more clothes on before coming down to let him in. I thanked Col for his help as he walked passed my front door, "Come over sometime for a drink Colin, when you're free."
I limped and hobbled up the stairs in front of my father, "Is there anything I can do for you Victoria darling?"
"You can make me a hot coffee and bring it up to my en suite bathroom, I need paracetamol as well, I've strained all the muscles in my sides and buttocks, if I give you some money will you pop to the corner shop and pick me some up please?"
