Weeks passed. Sarah and I only conversed in a very, very limited manner. The occasional 'hi' or a 'pass the sauce.' In fact it wasn't until six weeks later when mum and dad when away for a dirty weekend somewhere that we said more than one sentence to each other. It was Saturday morning, about 8am.
"Look I just..." I started.
"Don't you even."
"We have to talk about it at some point Sa..."
"Nothing happened! So there is nothing to discuss!"
"I love you"
Oh shit. What in the world made me say that? I wasn't thinking! I was running on emotions. I was... well, truth is, I was in love. I was in love with my sister. It wasn't just lust, though obviously that was there. But that day, she helped me by doing the most vial thing she could probably ever do in her life, and she did it for me. I started thinking of her in a new way. I started thinking of her more than a body, more than a 'chic', and more than a sister. I fell in love with her.
"Brother," she emphasized the word, "you need help."
"Oh come on and liste.."
"I'm not hearing this," Sarah said and turned to walk away.
"NO! You will hear this damn it!" I grabbed her from behind and, gently, but with force, threw her onto the couch. I think she was a little taken back at my strength. Honestly, I think I was too.
"You have to listen to this, it's important. I love you! I'm sorry but I do. Let's not fuck around with the truth. Yes I lusted, still lust after you. You can be as offended by that as you like and I'm sorry you found out, but that's a reality. The thing is though, I've fallen in love with you. Not just since then, but that's reinforced it. You know the difference between you and other girls. With other girls I imagine their tits, their ass, their.... well you get the idea. I think about them as objects and I beat off and that's it. It's over. "
"With you, I imagine talking to you. I imagine hanging out with you. I imagine not being your brother, but your lover, and going on dates, to the movies, to the beach, hanging out. I enjoy your company, your presence. I need you to know despite all the negative things you may think that at the end of the day I do, truly love you. And it pains me you're my sister."
Silence. Long silence. At least a minute went by before I sat down in a recliner and tried to calm down. I had all this weird unrequited love, lust, taboo, morality and embarrassment feelings at once. The odd thing though was there was some relief. Relief that at least, now, she finally knew the truth. Sarah stood, slowly and calmly. She looked at me, reached over and pulled my head up to meet her eyes.
"You don't love me, brother, you have a crush. A crush on a girl you were sexual with. I'm sorry this is my fault, but this is something you'll have to deal with. And deal with it alone."
And so ends our story. Wait. No, it doesn't end there. Well I mean it could have. It could easily have ended there, and truth be told probably should have. Incest plus modern society isn't exactly peas in a pod. But given that Sarah and I now rent an apartment, go to the same university (Sarah transferred), and all our friends assume we are married (to explain the last name), than clearly something changed. Sarah fell for me as I her. How? Jason Wilkinson.
To continue the timeline, we are now about 5 months after that initial drama with the V10. Jason Wilkinson was Sarah's new boyfriend. He was a prat. He was a muscular, loud mouth arsehole jock. You know the type, the dumb kid that's popular because he calls teachers 'faggots'. The kid that shouts racist slurs such as 'ching chong chinaman' to people that probably can't even understand it (partly because they are Malaysian).
Basically, Jason was a cunt. A real big one. I think Sarah started going out with him because he was so far removed from me. He was black to my white, ying to my yang. Even Sarah's friends couldn't understand why she was seeing him. I once heard Rachel, a friend of Sarah's, comment that "Well I hope he's got a massive cock." The thought of the girl I love fucking that bastard used to boil my blood. I became jealous.
Jealousy is a wonderful thing. Well, no it's probably not, but in this one particular case it was. I started following Jason. Initially I wanted to find him doing something Sarah would dump him for. Cheating, robbing a bank, having sex with a chimpanzee, anything. After a while it became second nature to just watch that stupid git.