A/N -- I'm fairly sure the process I describe below is entirely incorrect, so you'll have to check reality at the door regarding that. You'll figure out what I mean when you get there.
*****
Mum had been behaving a little differently all throughout dinner, like she had something on her mind. Whenever I looked at her, she couldn't meet my eyes. I naturally worried I'd done something to upset her. I couldn't imagine what. It wouldn't be taking Amy away for the night. She'd loved the idea of me treating my sister to a night away. So I had to think what was wrong.
"Mum, are you okay?" Amy asked.
"Not really. What I'm about to say is... There is a long story to what I'm about to say to you, Mark. This only involves you, not your sisters, cousins, aunts or myself. I'll explain everything afterwards, but I guess I really need to say what needs to be said. I'm so sorry I'm only telling you now, but I wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand, and then when you were, I just... It never felt like it was the right time. But I can't keep this from you anymore. You deserve to and need to know the truth."
"What truth, Mum?" I had to ask, a bad feeling immediately settling into my stomach.
She took a deep breath. "Mark, the man you called 'Dad', Matthew Williams, was not your biological father."
The first thing I did was laugh. A natural reaction because it must have been a joke. A bad one, but a joke. Surely? Mum met my eyes and I knew it was no joke, the faint grin disappearing immediately. "Mark... Your father was your father in the sense that he was the one that raised you. I am your mother, I gave birth to you. You are surrounded by sisters, cousins and aunts by blood. But you are not the product of your father and I."
It left me with a million thoughts but the one question I did have circling was if my mother had an affair? She'd never given me the idea she was a woman who'd done such a thing. But if I thought about it, my parents had always appeared cordial and friendly, but I would hesitate to call their relationship as one that was between two people still deeply in love.
"Who is his father?" Amy finally asked for me, probably noting I was away with my thoughts.
"Before I go into that, I have something to tell all of you. And this involves your aunts as well as myself. The three of us are widows. We are also... I hesitate to say victims, but our spouses were..."
"Your father was a bastard, Heidi," Rebecca said bluntly.
Kelly and Simone looked at their mother. Sandra nodded in agreement, assuming she meant her own husband was the same. "What does she mean, Mum?" Kelly asked.
Everyone looked back at Caroline. I sat there just staring into nothing. I heard but it was mostly white noise. "Girls, your father was having an affair while I was pregnant with Amy. I obviously wasn't aware at the time. He was having a second affair while I was pregnant with the twins. He was still having that affair when I discovered it about a month before I gave birth. I'll put it bluntly. I didn't want to be a single mother with three children. I'd put my career on hold to have kids so relied on your father for anything to do with our finances. Once I found out about his affair, I sat him down and gave him an ultimatum. I would forgive his affairs but he would accept that I would have a fourth child, as I wanted a son. But I would not have a son made from his..." She stopped a took a deep breath. "I wanted a son but not from his genes. I would not give him a son to carry on his legacy, so to speak. I wanted a son for myself."
I rested my elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands. "Fucking hell," I muttered.
Mum powered on through. "He wasn't happy but he knew I'd take him to the cleaners with a divorce. I had all the evidence I needed that a judge would take everything from him I would ask for. So I looked into sperm donorship. Artificial insemination. That sort of thing. We basically made an agreement. It would be a one and done. If I had a girl, so be it. If I had a boy, then he would basically raise him as his own and would never make an issue that his son wasn't actually his. But I wanted something further from him. I knew the love he'd feel for Mark would always be different, so I wanted financial guarantees. At the moment, there is a trust fund in his name. He will have access to it at twenty-one."
"What?" Debbie asked, hearing the shock in her tone.
"It was a guarantee, Deborah, in case things went pear shaped in the event he kicked him out as soon as he was of age at eighteen. Or if we divorced and he wanted to make a bitter contest of it. I knew your father continued his affairs, even after I gave birth to you and Katie, and he definitely kept them going while I was pregnant and after giving birth to Mark. I... I put up with it. I had you girls and then I had my little boy to raise. So I focused on the four of you, returned to work when I was able to, and your father was just there. You won't remember any arguments because there were not many. But you were probably also too young to notice how cordial our relationship was. He spent half of the time sleeping in the spare room, particularly if he came home late after sleeping with one of his pieces on the side. It was almost an unspoken agreement that we'd stay together until you were all grown up, then we'd split as amicably as possible."
I'd heard enough. I needed to get out and collect my thoughts. I felt for my mother, I really did. My heart went out to her. But it was too much, too big a secret to deal with that quickly. Rising to my feet, she immediately grabbed my wrist. I met her eyes and she let it go, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I love you, Mum. I always will," I whispered, "I love all of you. That will never change. But I just need a minute to gather my thoughts."
I grabbed my keys and headed down to my car. No idea where I drove to. I was on auto-pilot the entire time. Obeying the road rules. Stopping at red lights and stop signs. Indicating where necessary. But I just drove into the night. Eventually stopped somewhere, up on a large hill, the lights of the city below me in the distance. Opening the glove compartment, I grabbed the pack of smokes I kept for emergencies like this, opened the door and leaned against the front of the car. I didn't smoke very often, once every blue moon, only when I was stressed to fuck and needed something to help calm me down. I'd feel sick afterwards but that momentary relief was worth it.
Checking my phone, I had plenty of messages already, noticing I'd been gone for over two hours already. I hadn't even noticed. It rang almost as soon as I looked at the screen, noticing the label of 'Mum'. I was tempted not to answer. I should have been angry at the fact she'd kept that secret for so long, but I understood why. It was almost to protect me. I remembered my father. He'd been a good man, or so I thought. I couldn't remember him treating me any differently, though I guess when I thought about it, Mum was far more supportive regarding certain things. Always at my football and cricket games when I was a kid, for instance. Helping far more with homework, as much as my sisters did, though that was generally due to my father not actually being around all that much. I had put it down to him working constantly, though perhaps it was also due to his affairs. If not my mother, my sisters would always be around to help me. I'd probably have to search my mind and see what I could remember, perhaps piece together the puzzle.
I pressed accept. "Mum, I'll be home soon."
"Where are you, Mark?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I'll check GPS in a minute."
