While I munched on some perfectly cooked bacon and sat at the kitchen table, I enjoyed the relative normalcy of my morning thus far. Yes, I did have my daughter, who was pregnant with my child, chain-smoking like a fiend on the couch a few feet away from me, but in comparison to the typical level of debauchery present in my life that was rather tame. And it wasn't that my typically debased life was unappealing, it was a life of my own making created from the expanse of my fantasies--but even I appreciated stepping off the carousel of insanity that my life had become every so often.
Amber was scrolling her phone and having her morning coffee while smoking a cigarette, sitting at the table on a chair to my left. Both Sienna and Hannah were still lounging on the couch watching TV and making jokes about this or that every so often. Kayla was still nowhere to be found, and I suspected she was staying up at night to get high and sleeping late. I noticed that she had been less successful at toning down her use than Amber and Sienna, and more than once when walking past her closed door I heard the sounds of sniffing behind it.
Addiction was real, and I wasn't so naïve to believe that playing with fire would never result in getting burned, but I had been so fortunate with my wife and daughter in terms of avoiding it that I had almost taken it for granted that it wasn't an issue. But honestly, if Kayla was falling down the hole of real addiction, I would probably let her enjoy the ride and reap the benefits. I would most likely need to intervene at some point if she delved deep enough, but those were possible decisions for a future unwritten and between now and then was a veritable bounty of sexual indulgences that I would feast upon greedily.
Or, maybe she was just having some fun and doing some blow late at night and in private as not to tempt Sienna or be disrespectful of her intention to remain sober through pregnancy. Based on her descriptions of her parents throughout my knowing her, Kayla had painted a picture of two alcoholic, negligent, shitty people who really didn't care a whole lot about her. This meant that she was likely genetically predisposed to developing addiction issues, which made sense given the fact that prior to her moving in with me I had never seen her sober.
She had slowly tapered down her cannabis use as she'd forayed into using stronger substances, but from the day I had met her to somewhat recently she was smoking weed half a dozen times per day. She would smoke in her car before work, and by her own admission, she would wake and bake every single day. She would smoke every break she had, and on her lunch, and blaze as soon as she clocked out in her car while sitting in the parking lot. There was a reason I was so infatuated with this girl; she was high 24/7.
She had even shown up to her interview high, and thankfully I was the one to meet her when she'd come in for that interview. It technically hadn't been my job to interview the courtesy clerks, but I knew that unless I stepped in, she would've been rejected based solely on the fact that she looked and smelled like she was stoned--which she was. I knew that I needed to hire her immediately, for no other reason than I wanted to enjoy a sexy little stoner with the most insanely full lips that I'd ever seen walking around my store regularly. Her 'interview' with me was abysmal, and her being an airheaded teenage stoner meant that none of her answers would have impressed the HR manager who had been scheduled to interview her.
Needless to say, I hired her on the spot, and from that day on I allowed her to basically do whatever the fuck she wanted. She started out as a pretty good worker actually, and it took a while before she realized I was never going to hold her accountable for anything she did or didn't do. After that things slowly began to change, and she started to take constant breaks, scroll her phone more than do her job, definitely smoke in the bathroom on more than one occasion, and probably stole a few things if some of the complaints I received were accurate. Eventually she started calling out, showing up late, or not showing up at all on a fairly regular basis. She had been put on a 'corrective action plan' on 3 separate occasions but each time I intervened, took her into my office and 'had a talk' with her.
My talk usually went something like, 'Avoid this person for a while and try not to draw attention to yourself by doing this thing if possible.' Being the big man in charge, there was no one that could overrule me and even if she were fired, I'd have just hired her again. After a while, she recognized that I had made her bulletproof and that worsened her behavior even more. She would disappear outside to gather shopping carts and literally just go smoke weed in her car and scroll on her phone. This would go on for hours sometimes before someone would come to me and say that she had been getting called on the speaker repeatedly.
I would text her and let her know that so-and-so was looking for her and to pretend like she had been busy with carts, and she'd thank me and suddenly return to the store with 5 carts like she hadn't known anyone was looking for her. Towards the last few months of work, she was also spending a lot of time in my office hiding from her work and her supervisor while scrolling her phone or chatting with me about her shitty boyfriend and shitty parents. She'd also regularly ask me for advice on things and besides appreciating her beauty and being a burnout stoner, I came to like her on a deeper level. She wasn't the smartest cookie, but she was silly, goofy, and hilariously honest--at least with me.
Perhaps it was this point that marked a shift in our 'relationship' that made the transition into what we had become possible. Of course, a few months later I would come to find out that she had been crushing on me from day one and shortly thereafter she'd find out the feeling had been mutual. But it had been clear from the moment I had met her that her relationship to cannabis was beyond recreational--it was a daily, non-stop addiction that provided insight into what might happen if she were to be introduced to stronger substances. That was definitely a weakness that Sienna had capitalized on with her initial plan to utterly corrupt her into becoming a worthless junkie.
Now, though, with how much I cared for her I did have something resembling anxiety bubbling deep in my consciousness about finding her OD'd in her bedroom at some point. Getting high around me or my other lovers was one thing, I knew that I could do something, or they could do something if the worst were to happen. But having her do it secretly, behind closed doors with no one to look out for her provoked a measure of fear that was hard to ignore. I decided to check in on her as now that my mind was racing it wasn't going to be abated by anything short of the truth.
I dropped off my empty plate in the sink and then went and knocked softly on her door. After receiving no answer, I opened it just enough to peer inside and was met with a dark room that afforded little in the way of visibility. I opened it and stepped inside, allowing my eyes to adjust to the low light of the room created by the closed black-out curtains. There was still enough light peeking through the edges of the curtains from the sunshine outside that after a few moments I could see enough to scan the room.
Kayla was wrapped in a cocoon of her chocolate-colored comforter with her blonde hair splayed out on the chocolate-colored pillowcase. Next to her on the bedside table were her pack of Camels and a lighter, a full ashtray, and her phone plugged in. I stared at her a moment and noticed that her chest was rising and falling gently to indicate that her breathing was normal and rhythmic. On the computer desk was 1/3rd of a plastic straw, a Starbucks gift card, and the faintest trace of white powder. I knew from past times in her room that behind the curtains on the windowsill was her little tie dye weed pipe too.
It was clear that she had been railing lines, which wasn't surprising, but it definitely sparked a concern about the possibility of her OD'ing without anyone to save her. It was enough of a concern that I needed to talk to her about it right then or my anxiety would follow me the entire day. I had also missed her as recently with Sienna's pregnancy and Hannah showing up, I felt like we'd had far too little time together. I moved to the side of her bed and sat down next to her. She didn't wake up and I enjoyed watching her sleep for a little while, my heart swelling a little at seeing her beautiful little face so peaceful and serene.
Eventually I begrudgingly placed my hand on her blanketed shoulder and softly caressed her in a way that I hoped wouldn't startle her too much. I watched as her face twitched and her eyes slowly opened in a squint.
"Hi baby, I'm sorry to wake you up but I wanted to talk for a minute before the day gets started," I whispered.
Kayla's eyes blinked several times and then she breathed in deeply and yawned, bringing her hands up to her eyes and rubbing them a few times.
"I wish I could be woken up like this every day," she said sleepily.
I marveled at the consistently loving way she treated me and smiled at her with genuine appreciation.
"After Hannah leaves, you can come sleep with me in my room since Sienna has been sleeping on the couch lately. Eventually, I'll look into getting a larger bed so we can all share it. I hate having you so far from me," I replied.
The smile that spread across her face at this news was brighter than someone who was sleeping only moments ago should have been capable of producing. She was so beautiful. She reached out her hand and clasped it over mine, and I responded by holding it tightly.
"So, the reason I'm here is because of a fear I have, and I needed to talk to you about it or I wouldn't have been able to think about anything else until I did," I began.
Kayla just nodded but her expression got a little more serious as she probably anticipated some bad news.
"I know you've been doing lines in here at night, and I obviously I don't have a problem with you getting high, but because you're doing it in here when no one else is awake it presents a possibility of something happening and none of us being able to do anything about it until it's too late," I continued.
Kayla's face had now transitioned into a mixture of fear and confusion, and her grip on my hand had tightened considerably.
