I don't have any close friends. I need to tell somebody, to make them understand that I am not a slut.
I could blame it on losing my boyfriend of 15 years. He fell from a scalpel 50 feet in the air a month ago. Yes, I was depressed about his death but we had had a very active and fulfilling sex life and I have to admit up front that I was missing that too.
Three days ago, I came home from work early feeling drained. I stripped to my panties and laid chest down across my bed to take a short nap. Like in a dream, I heard the entrance door open and heard the footsteps ascending the 21 stairs to my apartment. I knew it was my son and expected to hear "hey mom, I'm here", but rather I was soon aware of his presence standing in the door of my bedroom as he whispered, "mom, are you a wake". He stood there for long minutes and I can only assume he was staring, or studying, my nearly nude body. All right! My ass! No doubt. I freely admit for my 47 years I still have nice legs and in my opinion a great ass. Stan, my boyfriend told me so many times and couldn't keep his hands off of it.
I was lying on the right side of my face and I saw in the glass of the large windows that made up the back wall my son approach the bed to stand by my feet, which hung off the bed about 6 or 8 inches. I squinted at his reflection in the glass and this time I could clearly see he was staring at my ass. It took all I could muster not to jump as he reached with his right hand and began to caress my bottom. I don't know why I let him get that far or why I let him explore for the 15 or 20 seconds before I felt his finger drop between my legs.
"Sean! What the hell do you think you're doing?" I snapped, as I faked waking up and whirling around to confront him.
Honestly forgetting that I was braless, I reached for a pillow to cover my chest. It was as much from needless modesty than from my puny breast and overly large nipples that were always erect and hard.
I say "needless modesty" because ever since Sean had come to live with me in my small apartment neither of us have paid much attention to modesty. Not that I would ever walk around nude in front of him, but in my underwear I did many times. Catching him jerking off one morning, he apologized and said he'd be out in a few minutes, undoubtedly finishing up what he had started. Hell, I had even caught him fucking his girlfriend in my bed. Anyway, you get the gist.
"Just trying to wake you up, mom." He said, unbelievably nonchalantly. "I got your message about taking you out to dinner. I thought you'd be dressed by now."
"Sean, I've been lying here awake!" I said meekly. "I'm your mother and you were touching me inappropriate."
"Sorry mom. It was like leaving your pocketbook on the front seat of your car with the doors unlocked and the windows down, tempting someone to steal it." He offered lamely, as he sat down on the bed next to me and placed his hand on my knee. "And you're telling me you were awake the whole time?"
"Groggy, to be more exact." I defended, standing and heading out of the bedroom. "You need to check your hormones at the door. I'll go freshen up and get dressed and be with you in a sec."
We went to one of the more expensive restaurants in our area and I could not help but notice that Sean was acting more attentively than he usually does. More like a man on a date.
"So how long is Jane going to be gone?" I asked, making small talk as we ate.
"Her mom hasn't seen the kids in a while so I think she is staying about four days."
" I saw you talking to that bitch in 4C out in the parking lot when you went back........... to supposedly.......... get your wallet?" I commented, hopefully making it sound like a remark rather than a question. "I hope you're not fooling around with her."
"I did forget my wallet in the glove compartment." He defended. "You know she works where I do and her nickname is "pincushion. I think every man in the place has had a bit. But to answer your question, she's not my type. If I had a type, it would probably be someone like you."
"It was not a question!" I retorted. "Just an observation and concern for your wife and two kids."
We arrived back at the apartment about 10:30pm. After mixing us an after dinner drink, it would be our fifth I think, we sat on the couch talking.
"So how are you doing?" Sean asked after a few minutes of small talk. I knew this question referenced Stan, my deceased boyfriend.
"I still cry every now and then. But I try to stay busy and keep it off my mind." I replied.
"I guess a lot of the guys at work are aware that you're available. They must be stumbling over each other." Sean said jokingly.
"Your horrible!" I jokingly chided him, slapping his leg lightly. "I have received a little attention in that department but none of those guys interest me the least bit."
"I know it's a bit early to be thinking about such things but you're a gorgeous and sexy lady. You don't want to throw away too much time." Sean said, turning to face me a little and placing his hand more on my leg than on my knee.
"Oh," I acknowledged. "I think about such things more than I should, but Stan and I were soul mates and I don't think I can replace him." My eyes watered involuntarily. I sniffed.
Sean placed his arm around me and pulled me close to him and I placed my head on his shoulder. He kissed my head and stroked my hair as I cried openly.
"I am embarrassed." I said sheepishly, finally righting myself and straightening my dress. "I don't even know the reason I'm crying."
"What do you mean?" Sean asked.
"I should've stopped with the drinks we had dinner. I have to confess something and there is no one to confess it to but you. I have accepted Stan's death but do you know we used to have sex almost every night."
"No, mom. I didn't know that." He replied, and I noted his eyes blinking and his head straightening. "That's what I was referring to when I said you shouldn't throw away too much time."
"You know how hard it is to find someone that doesn't care about things?" I said confusingly.
"What are you talking about, mom? What things?"
"You saw them! My breast! They're hideous! Stan used to think they were beautiful!" I stammered.
"I only saw them briefly, mom. But they were not hideous, I thought they were quite different but appealing." He offered. "I could make another assessment, I suppose."
Sean was stroking my hair again and brushing my face, my tears, with the back of his hand. He placed his hand on my leg again, much higher, and I promptly removed it.
"I'm your mother, Sean." I stated weakly, shaking my head. "My son making an assessment of my breast. We shouldn't be discussing such things. I apologize for bringing it up. It must be the drinks I've had."
"You're right, I suppose." Sean replied. "I guess I should head on home."
"No! Why do you have to do that?" I pleaded alarmingly. "Jane and the kids are gone. There is no reason for you to go home. You have your bed here."
"No. It's probably best that I go." He replied. "I've had a bit too much to drink also. I might do something improper."
"What could you possibly do that was improper?"
I was totally not expecting his response as he placed his hand behind my head and pulled me to him to kiss me on my mouth. Kissing on the mouth was not that new, but the way he did it was. His hand on the inside of my thigh left little doubt in my mind as to where his thoughts were going and it was totally improper.
I pulled a way. "Sean, I'm your mother." I spoke with little conviction. "You should not be kissing or thinking of me that way. I know this afternoon might seem like I was teasing you but I didn't mean to, really, I didn't. I was just groggy."
I still felt his hand on the inside of my thigh and I wondered why I hadn't, or didn't, remove it.
"Mom, I know who you are. I also know you're a woman hurting and in need of a little TLC. Just step back from being a mom for a moment and allow yourself to be treated like the lady you are."
Sean kissed me again. I did not return the kiss, but I did not stop him.
"Can you do that, mom?" He asked me after the long kiss.
"Truthfully, I think you're acting like a man trying to convince a woman to give it up. I suppose, if you can forget I'm your mom, I can try to forget you're my son." I replied, hoping he would catch the application that I was placing the blame on him.
"Let's go to the bed, mom." He said, as he stood and took my hand. I immediately noticed the bulge in his pants. I stood and allowed him to lead me to my bedroom. My bedroom, with the white carpet, eggshell white walls and white bedspread, with the windows stained in dark mahogany. "We can stop any time you feel uncomfortable."
"I can't believe I'm doing this." I said, realizing he had just shifted the blame to me. "Sean, tell me no one will ever know?"
"What's to tell! A mother and son spending a little quality time together."
I pulled from him to quickly close the blinds on the 6 large windows. I expressed my dismay when he turned on the bedside light. "I want to see you and get to know you. All of you." Was all he said.
We intertwined ourselves in the middle of the bed as we kissed and his hands explored my body, lifting my skirt to run his hands over my belly and ass. I returned the kiss this time with a little passion thrown in. My hands did their own exploring as I stroked his erection through his pants.
