I cleaned up my mess. I had cum so hard that it splashed my stomach and had even shot out onto the rug. The hot water felt great as I took my shower. But my mind kept going back to the sounds and words that Samantha had uttered as she came.
I was sipping my drink when the phone rang. "Sammie! I don't know whether to say that you are one incredible man, or that you are the most devious man I have ever known! You have a way about you of making a woman admit to things she should best keep secret."
I laughed. "If you mean that I have a way of making you admit to yourself the things that you are afraid to say out loud, then I'm guilty as charged. But then, I didn't make you do anything that you didn't want or need to do.
There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Good! Bad! Indifferent! They are genuine emotions. And sometimes when we hold them in, we don't do anything but hurt ourselves. Let me ask you a question? Do you feel better now that you have said things in the open to someone? I don't mean just about your feelings, but also understanding the feelings that your daughter has?"
The phone went quiet for a few moments. Then I heard her sigh. "What am I suppose to say? That the idea of my daughter carrying on a fantasy relationship with some erotic writer turns me on? That knowing about what took place between her and her father excites me? That the thoughts I am now having about making love to her has me all wet?"
I let her stay quiet before I spoke. "No Samantha! You don't have to say any of those things. First off, your daughter is reacting to stimulation that she is not getting from a normal relationship. You yourself told me that she is someone that stays to herself and does not seek out men to give her pleasure. Whether it is because of her size or her lack of confidence in her own womanhood is irrelevant.
Second. What took place between her and her dad is just that. An act of love, that the two of them shared together. It was not meant to be shared with you. And had you not read about it, you would have never known that it ever happened. I'm sure that in her own way, Cynthia does not see it as something dirty or perverted. And I'm sure that in some way, it gave them both a closeness and pleasure that they both desperately needed.
Third! You are feeling things for Cynthia that you never felt for any other woman before. But it is not because she is just a woman. She is your daughter and one that you love very much. The thought of sharing pleasure and joy with her; the idea that she may be thinking about wanting to share those things with you is not wrong or dirty. You are both adults and understand what it would mean if you did let things go.
I admire her, for the courage to admit that she thinks that way. In some ways, I think that your daughter is more mature in her thoughts about sexuality than you are. You have neglected yourself and the needs of your body. Even when you felt them become overwhelming, you pushed them down and hid them from yourself. And it has left you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.
Cynthia has found an outlet. She reads erotic stories and then she will indulge in fantasies that make them real to her. But she does not let them control her life. They are an outlet for her desires and needs, nothing more. I'm sure that if she were to find a man that would want to do the things to her that she reads about, she would jump at the chance to do them."
I let those thoughts sink in without saying anything. Then I heard her soft laughter. I was a bit surprised because it seemed to be way off the conversation we were having.
"Do you really make love so intensely in private? I mean you didn't talk dirty or call me names or anything like that. I did feel that I would do whatever you told me to do. But I kind of expected you to call me names and use vulgar language while you were telling me how to fuck myself."
I had to laugh. And I did, out loud. "Was that what you expected? I think that you see me as some dirty old man that sits around his house in an old dirty t-shirt, pulling his dick while he types dirty words in his computer. A man, that drinks and chain-smokes in between giving himself orgasms."
Samantha's soft laughter made me smile. "Well, I don't see you as that bad! But I do wonder what you look like Sammie. Are you a dirty old man that sits around in a dirty t-shirt? Do you drink and chain smoke while pulling your dick?" She began to laugh at the scene her words created. Then she grew quiet.
"So what do I do about my feelings for Cynthia? I sure can't just go up to her and say, "I've been reading your journal and I want to fuck you".
This time it was my turn to laugh. "Samantha if you said that to me, I would run screaming to get away from you. No! The first thing you need to do is start talking to her. Let her know that you have read her journal. But that it's ok for her to feel the way she does. I'm sure that she will be angry that you have pried into her private things, but if the two of you are as close as you have led me to believe, she will get over it.
Tell her that after reading it you went online and found my stories. Let her know that she is not the only one that felt that way after reading them. You can make a joke of it and tell her that you even felt a lot of the same things that she did.
If you want, show her what you wrote to me. Tell her about the conversation we had. I'm sure that she may even become jealous that you talked to me in person and she hasn't. But also let her know that if she wants to, she is welcome to call me and talk to me too."
Samantha was quiet. Then is a very soft voice she asked the question I knew she wanted to ask. "And what do I say when she asks about the part about her dad?"
I let the silence hang in the air for a few moments. Then I took a deep breath. "Be honest with her. Let her know that it was just as hard for you to watch him dying as it was for her. That it wasn't your selfishness that made you go and seek some release, but your need to be able to care for him without your frustrations getting in the way. Let her know that you love her. That what took place between her and her dad was probably one thing that helped ease his passing. Tell her that you understand. This is very important Samantha! Let her know that what she did is ok with you."