I was trying to prepare myself for the most horrible story anyone could ever tell a middle-aged mother of three grown kids. I had taken the precautionary step of adding some 80-proof sweetener to our drinks and taken a big gulp because I had been forewarned that the following tale would be a bitter pill to swallow. I made a mental note to control my blood pressure and watched intently as my nineteen-year-old daughter Christy first inhaled deeply and then haltingly began the crude narrative that would outline the future confusingly-intertwined history of our family sexual dynamic. A sordid and twisted story that no mother should ever have to hear from her daughter... or anyone else for that matter. It was just a surreal adventure into debauchery that I hoped I was strong enough to stomach.
And still, with my daughter's first utterance that began with, "We have all been sleeping together for about a year..." I shrieked and nearly dropped my coffee mug on the rug. It was a jolt to my senses and my morality. Both of which were under an unseemly attack. But really, if I had started my side of the conversation first, it might have been Christy who nearly spit her coffee out through her nostrils and gasped in horror. And wondered if morality was merely a quaint ideal in this "me-first generation."
Or maybe not. Since I now had a chilling reason to believe that both Christy and her older sister Linda, not only knew in advance about my own little incestuous affair with their brother Jason, but very possibly helped in the arrangements and were looking forward to an outcome that might provide even more sexual fireworks. As for Jason, what can I add? My first born and apparently the suave, sensuous irresistible type, had scored the super-rare trifecta of having bedded both of his sisters at one time and then added his mother's panties as the coup-de-gras. My brain was whirling with distasteful and forbidden scenes and a throbbing ache started behind my eyes that left me virtually incapacitated. Any normal response to this acrid discovery would be wholesale therapy sessions and family counseling. But then, I wouldn't have this ribald, incestuous tale to tell.
After this morning's blockbuster dual-confessions, I asked for a brief parting so that we could both collect our thoughts and resume this sordid chronicle with atleast an arm's-length distance from the crude tryst that we had all played a considerable part in. So, we separated to clear our thoughts and to be able to credibly explain to the other, why everything that happened was awful; but each one of our little parts in it, were forgivable because no one got hurt and the closeness was actually good for the family. It was these little diversions into Bovine Scatology that allowed us to accept what we couldn't change anyway and to hope that the dim light at the end of the tunnel was not just another oncoming train.
I took a long hot shower to wash away the lingering filth of my own role in this kink-fest and the nightgown that had once been a favorite before I was attacked and seduced while wearing it, had been relegated to the rag bag. Christy came back after a long walk looking refreshed but wary, she was about to deliver some extreme news and hoped that I respected the role of the "messenger" in this transference of disturbing information.
All three of my children lived with me in a large house that my deceased husband's insurance had provided, since he wasn't much good for anything else. The two girls had bedrooms on opposite ends of the first floor and Jason had the entire furnished basement. My room was on the second floor. I was thinking about those logistics while in the shower and could see how the sexual shenanigans could be perpetrated in secrecy. Every lewd detail known or imagined, brought vulgar images to my mind. Now it seemed, that the only thing we could do would be to make certain that these "indiscretions" could be kept in the family and the sexual urges and connections could be managed and contained. Am I going crazy or am I just searching for some "familial loophole" that will allow us all to tumble into bed with each other and to insert body part "A" into body cavity "B" with ample impunity.
We resumed our conversation after lunch when we were the only one's home, though why we needed the seclusion, I guess was only a matter of formality, since it seems that I was the only person not yet completely in on the secret. This is a situation that no parenting book quite covers. My daughter and I settled on the couch for an uncomfortable "tea-time" chat. The topic being how three seemingly mature women could all have had sex with the same guy, under the same roof, and knowing that the guy was either a brother or son. It started awkwardly and got worse from there.
She was attempting to appear mature beyond her years yet still remember that it was her mother, that she was about to open-up to, about the dark side of sex. Christy wanted to begin by asking me for more details about my previous night's debasement with my son. I was not quite ready to admit to my perversions until I understood the extent of this family compunction with incest. I interjected that she mentioned earlier that her story began by inadvertently catching her two elder siblings having sex.
I assured her that I was willing to listen- if not totally condone whatever more I was about to hear- so, taking one more big swig of my liquid confidence, I sat back and signaled my consent. Christy looked as if she were in a police interrogation room under a bright light. I could see the goose-flesh ripple her arms and watched her velvety tongue wet the lush pink lips as her hooded brown eyes darted between mine and her painted, pink toenails.
"Mom," she hesitantly began. "I can only tell you my side of all this, you should probably hear it from Linda or Jason, but because I've questioned them both trying to figure-out the logistics, I can give you the basic outline." I could see that she used the long walk to rehearse this small preamble, and the thing that captured my attention most, was that she wasn't exactly contrite but was merely trying to excuse or ameliorate her participation and subterfuge. If this is what I was going to get from my nineteen-year-old, then I'd imagine the older two would be preaching like sexual evangelists.