Sitting in the bedroom, he seems to be lost in thought staring out through the window at nothing in particular. He has a blanket wrapped around his body, half-heartedly draped over his hunched shoulders. Pushing the door open gently, she silently steps into his room. He sits so quietly as if in a world all by himself.
As she is about to speak to him he speaks, almost causing her to jump, "I just can't help myself...stop these urges, even when I know what to expect," he says without even looking towards her. She closes the door behind her and sits across from him on the bed.
"What urges do you mean?" she inquires.
Turning to look at her for the first time, his eyes seem to see every part of her body, somehow she feels exposed, even though she knows her robe is covering all of her body. But from the expression on his face, or lack thereof, she knows he's not even looking at her in that way. So, she ignores the urge to recover herself and tries to focus on whatever it is that seems to be bothering him.
"It's her again." he sighs. "I mean, she told me in the beginning that this would be a fantasy, for fun. That she would talk and spend time with me as long as I held her interest. And that there were others that she played with. She made it clear that she would play with whomever and whenever she wanted. So, I knew all this and I didn't care. Then, things drifted away for about a month. But now I can't stop wanting her. I miss talking to her, in the ways we would talk, the fun we would have playing together. And this feeling I have, it's just like it was when I was messing around with Kim. I'd get frustrated with her and push her away, and then a short time later I'd miss her and want Kim back. I think about her a lot, wonder what she's doing, if she's thinking of me, if she's missing me. Will she succumb to her urges and reach out to contact me in some way. Use some other excuse to justify why she 'had' to contact me. I'm not sure if it's just the feeling of her that I miss, you know, how she made me feel, or just that I need someone to spend time with in these particular ways."
"And you can't get these feelings from your wife?" she asks.
"No, she doesn't have the ability or the experience, or I dunno what. She just can't give me that spark of taboo, or being naughty, or whatever it is that arouses me. That sense of breaking rules and doing those forbidden things. There's just something arousing, or enticing, erotically attractive about her personality, the way she looks at me, the sound of her voice, the things she says, how she says them. It's just so hot, you know?"
"I think I do," she says hesitantly, but really she just feels his loneliness, his utter anguish at the loss of her. The way he is fighting so hard to not reach out to her, but wanting to more than anything.
"There was a time when we would spend every available chance we got just chatting with each other. It felt so amazing to be wanted like that. We'd play every chance we got too. And things just kept getting more brazen, exciting, erotic, and then I think at some point her attention drifted because the newness wore off. It just wasn't as exciting for her anymore, I think. I dunno... I tried different things to spice it up and they would work, but those too were only temporary."
She can tell how badly he is beating himself up and she really wants to help him feel better. So she tells him, "Online relationships can come and go. I think you did all you could, and I'm sure she will realize how much she misses you and will want you back."
"So, she's not likely to be the one who messages first, at least, not more than once or twice," he says more as a statement than a question.
She nods slightly in agreement. She can't help but feel empathy towards him and his predicament. She wants to reassure him, but she's not sure if he is ready to be comforted yet. And she knows that he is so stubborn that he will probably never give up trying to find that which he is looking for with her. If only he could find someone else to distract him right now, to take his focus away from her.
He's been through alot, and made so many bad choices with his life, especially his personal life. Ever since his first wife failed him and treated him so badly, accusing him every day of cheating that it drove him to start cheating. He's never been able to put the lid back on Pandora's box. He's such a good looking guy for his age too. He has always been a good looking guy. If things were different she would be attracted to him. But she's married too. Which, as his sister, she shouldn't even be having these thoughts regardless of whether she's married or he's married.
Well, it's not like she gets aroused looking at his body or thinking about him naked. As soon as she has the thought, an arousing cold chill runs through her body as she gazes at his body imagining how good it would feel on top of her. Surprised at the thought, she turns to look out the window to hide her embarrassment.
A quick frown of puzzlement creases his brow but he ignores it and continues talking. "I say to myself that I wish she would just tell me she hates me or wants me to leave her be, so I can do just that. But I know that I would eventually try something else to get her back so we can continue the things we do. I just want to explore those passions, those erotic desires we shared. I want to be surrounded by the comfort of being wanted and the ability to do those things that normally I wouldn't do."
As he talks she feels those same urges inside her stirring to the surface. But how would she do anything about it,
I can't,
she thinks,
right?
He continues, "I should have the conviction to make up my mind and stick with my decision, but I don't. Why couldn't she be satisfied with the things we shared, why did she have to lose interest? Am I really that boring?"
Feeling an overwhelming urge to fight for him, she blurts out, "Absolutely not, I doubt she lost interest, and I know you're not boring at all."
Throwing his hands up he seems unaware of what his hands and arms are doing, flipping the blanket around as his arms flail about. Glancing down she gets a few quick flashes of his manhood lying limply, and she finds she is not disappointed. She feels she should not be looking, let alone looking admiringly, but she realizes she is now thinking about how it would feel in her fingers. It would give her so much pleasure to feel it grow and harden in her grasp.
Now her heart is pounding and she feels twinges of excitement between her legs. Why is she feeling this way? She's never had thoughts like these about him, or anyone else besides her husband for that matter. But these things he is describing, they are so... alluring. They are exactly what he said, forbidden. She begins to understand why he is feeling this way. Is this why he has done the things he has done in his personal life, with all those women. She suddenly realizes she wants to be one of those women. But she shouldn't, not with him, they are family. It's wrong, it's not right, normal people don't do these things, it's.... forbidden. With that final thought she feels a sudden urge of arousal and realizes she's biting her lip in anticipation.
Exasperatedly he puts his hands on his head and says, "It's driving me crazy".
She instinctively reaches out a hand to put on his shoulder. He glances at her and reaches out to her. She reaches out and encloses her arms around his shoulders and holds him. Her fingers caress his skin soothingly.
She pushes her thoughts to the side because now he needs comfort not confusion. She doesn't even understand why or what she's feeling. He is so vulnerable right now. It is such an odd contrast, his big frame being held by her little body. She loves him so much, he was always there for her growing up, always the quiet protector. She never really thought about it much, but she supposes they both were always very close to each other, but aren't siblings supposed to be?
As he seems to calm down and relax she unconsciously lets her hand slip down off his arm and onto his leg. She still caresses the skin of his leg back and forth a little bit but he seems content now.
Quietly he says, "I'm sorry..I'm just a mess, not even paying attention." He starts to move his hand and she looks down and realizes that the blanket had slipped away when he leaned in to her and her hand is resting so high on his thigh that her fingers are almost touching the head of his cock.
She gasps slightly and yanks her hand away, but in doing so she bumps his cock. "I'm sorry," she says and then reaches back just as quickly to try to move it back where it was and then realizes as she does, that it's ridiculous to do that and she yanks her hand away again.
"It's fine," he chuckles at her obvious embarrassment. She blushes and giggles with him as he slowly pulls the blanket up to cover his beautiful cock.
Without a thought she says, "Well, I can see why she likes sex with you so much."
