CHAPTER ONE
I was eighteen years old in the summer of 1984. I had recently left school and now waited until university began in September. I'd be nineteen in just under two months and was looking forward to starting college, being away from home and making new friends. I hoped that moving away from home and meeting lots of new people would also mean I could meet girls. I was pretty shy around the fairer sex, feeling awkward and only having minimal experience back when I was fifteen. In other words, I was inexperienced with the opposite sex despite suffering from raging hormones.
My mother had planned a road trip to Ireland, her native homeland, and asked me to come along. I had nothing much better to do, having so far lazily enjoyed the weeks off after finishing school.
Why not?
I thought. I hadn't been over to Ireland for several years. I enjoyed the long drive from London, where we lived, to Wales to catch the ferry to Dublin and then drive down through the Irish countryside to visit various relatives.
I took a few driving lessons and was eager to drive on some remote Irish roads to get some practice in. The deciding factor was spending the final few days at my Aunt Nuala's. Nuala is a traditional Irish name; for those who are not Irish, it is pronounced Nu-la. Ever since I was young, I'd had a crush on her. I wasn't entirely sure why. Not that she wasn't attractive in a way that appealed to me. Nuala was raven-haired, elegant, soft-spoken, always dressed nicely and had an air of quiet refinement about her. I also think I was attracted to older women. This baffled the close friends I'd admitted this to over a few drinks at my local pub.
Seeing Aunt Nuala again would make the trip worthwhile, I thought, as a multitude of dirty daydreams about her ran through my mind. I don't know if this trait was something unique to me or was common to many teenage boys, but I'd often come up with all kinds of fantasies about her over the years. Being young, my hormones were rampant, and I enjoyed my dirty fantasies as I let my fertile imagination run amok. Of course, I knew these were just the erotic thoughts of a horny teenage boy. Regardless, I began to formulate a plan that would either land me in a whole lot of trouble or might end up fulfilling a recently acquired obsessive fantasy that kept plaguing my thoughts.
We reached the shores of Ireland on a warm August afternoon and drove through the lush green countryside, heading for our first visit to an uncle just outside Dublin. We'd spend a couple of days with my mother catching up with her brother and some old friends before moving on. This pattern repeated for the first few days, and it was indeed good to see relatives and places I hadn't seen for years.
In the hours spent in the car going from one place to another, my mind would return to my new idea, my dirty erotic fantasy, and I began to refine it, convincing myself I could do it.
What was this fantasy I had recently acquired? Well, a few months back, some friends and I had managed to get hold of a pornographic film. We sat around watching it in his living room, our breaths held as we saw all kinds of new and unusual erotic scenarios played out before us. I remember one scene in particular sparked something in me, something I had never even thought of before then. A young man had been caught masturbating by an older woman, and she then proceeded to watch him. I can't say why for sure, but seeing this triggered a sort of need in me. The more I thought about that scene, the more I wanted it to happen to me. Of course, I knew it never could ... could it? I would go from convincing myself I could somehow contrive to have it happen to believing there was no way in hell I could accomplish this, let alone have the courage to go through with it. Still, the powerful imagery was burnt into my hormonal brain and stuck with me.
There came a point where my brain combined my Aunt Nuala with this almost obsessive fantasy, and then I knew I was in trouble. I realised just how intensely erotic being caught masturbating by my aunt would be. I had always had a thing for older, more mature women, and being only eighteen at the time, I had weighed the risk of having her catch me and telling my mother against the delicious eroticism of being caught and nothing more being said.
I figured that at my age, and being that an aunt would catch me, it was now unlikely that my mother would be told. After all, it was natural and normal to masturbate, and although rather taboo in nature and, no doubt, a very sensitive and private issue, it would most likely be kept to the person doing the catching.
The allure for me was twofold. First, it was having an older woman, and one I knew, see me exposed like that, but perhaps even more interesting and thrilling was seeing how that person reacted. It would be fun, I thought, to find this out, given that I surmised they would not tell anyone else, or at least anyone else I knew of.
This new fantasy appealed greatly to me because of its simplicity. I could be caught, I could arrange that, but it would always seem like an accident. The other person would always come in on me, making the dynamic more interesting. I could always claim that I was doing it in private and that them walking in on me would be almost their fault.
Secondly, I would leave an indelible image of me masturbating in her mind, which would be a thrill to me knowing that. Yes, I was kinky, I knew.
I was drawn to the sort of women who gave off an air of easy elegance and were demure. My aunt was just such a woman, and the juxtaposition of this and having them confronted with a young nephew masturbating was compelling to me. How would she react? What would she think or say, especially given her sensibilities? I felt pretty safe. My aunt would keep very quiet about what she saw; therefore, only she and I would know. Letting the memory of what she'd seen come back into her mind each time she saw me filled me with naughty delight.
I also found it easier to justify my slightly weird fantasy of being caught by an aunt, given that neither my mother nor father had any sisters, so all my aunts weren't directly blood-related.
It was a gamble as to how my aunt would react, but I reminded myself that on a previous visit to her house, I came across an erotic novel on a bedside cabinet when asked to bring her handbag from her bedroom. I remember staring at the front cover, which showed a beautiful blonde woman dressed in black leather. The book's title had the number '69' in it, so I knew it would be pretty hot.
My aunt liked erotic novelsβyou really wouldn't think so if you looked at her. The novel I had found was also perhaps more relevant, given that we were in Ireland. It was 1984, and at a time of strict Catholic practices and views, such a book would be much more risquΓ© than in England.
My aunt lived in a modern, spacious, four-bedroom semi-detached house that she kept spotless. Her two sons had now left to go to university, and her husband, Pat, was on the road Monday through Friday as a sales executive.