1.
"I have no idea why this excites me so much. I wish I did."
Bill Steed half-grinned and shrugged. The absolute silence in his therapist's office gave him pause. The therapist's voice, Dr. Kahn, a gentle but firm male voice, did provide some solace.
"Well look, we know several things. It's not like you're out there hurting anyone. Your wife loves you. I mean, she's told you so. And, everything else in your world remains the same. It is this one issue. Right?"
"That's exactly right."
"No one has complained. No one else has even raised an issue. You know this, yourself, to be extraordinary. You're here to talk. To explore it. To understand it."
"That's right."
A stillness and silence stayed constant in the office, as Bill tried to make himself share as much as he could. The doctor's tone stayed level.
"Okay. You left off at that morning afterwards. You knew she had spent the night with Trevor, is that right?"
"Yes, that's right. I did."
"Carry on."
"Okay," Bill drew a deep breath and pushed on, "She knows I play golf on Saturdays. It's what I do. I'm always gone by nine, and at nine, she hadn't gotten home. We weren't around each other that day. That night we went out to eat, and... just avoided it."
Dr. Kahn made notes. "Did she act strange or upset?"
"Not really." Bill rubbed his face and then shook it as if to try to change his approach. "Doctor, I really think this is something that... can be just fine, so long as... we all just look at it a certain way. It's worked out as something different. Enticing. Provocative."
"Why is it so 'provocative' to you?"
Bill couldn't help a grin. "You gotta know Julia. She's so damn
nice
. I mean, you'd look at her, and never-never in a million years-think this woman is actually fucking her son. That's what makes it so thrilling to me. It seems to go against her nature. She's so womanly, and appears so wholesome, yet... there's
this
. And believe me, she doesn't want to admit it, and would never admit it, but she's thrilled, too. I can see it."
The therapist tried to ask his next question carefully. "Do you feel anything besides the thrill of it? I mean, there's no jealously that surfaces at all?"
"Listen, I've got no ego in this. None at all. Maybe I should make that clear to them, too. Julia and I have been together forever. Forever. And... we just don't have passion that way with each other anymore. She'd agree with that."
"Yeah, but having sex with someone else. That's pretty different from just things being routine or something. Then, throw in that it's Trevor, and... well, it's just a huge minefield."
"But it doesn't have to be. It doesn't. They're both healthy, secure people. Long as we're all honest with each other. In fact, I think I'll talk with them both, make sure they understand. I'm not about ego on this. I want everybody fine with it, and only doing it if they want. If they really want."
"And you're pretty sure everybody is happy with this? Really?"
"Look. Trevor is doing some sort of ultimate thing here. He's probably more than happy that this is happening. Way more into it than me. And Julia, hey, I haven't forced her here. Hell, I haven't even encouraged any of this. I just... um... went along."
"What else could happen from here? Where does it go? What do you see?"
"I wanted to ask you about that. There's something I am craving, but... . This is sick, I know."
Dr. Kahn shifted in his chair, but kept an even look about him.
Bill continued. "It's been, like, mesmerizing to hear about this. To see her afterwards. But I got to have a better experience of it."
"Huh?"
"I gotta be there when it happens. Actually see it. That would be the ultimate."
"Is that something you think they'd ever agree to?"
"Well, it's a wish I have. And, it's like a genie has granted a couple of wishes already. I think it'd be okay."
"We have to be careful with our genies."
"What? What do you mean?"
"Be careful with the genie, once it's granted the wishes."
Bill titled his head. "Huh? So... what does a genie
do
after it's granted the wishes?"
The therapist leaned forward and tried to strike a compassionate look and tone. After drawing a deep breath, he spoke softly.
"Whatever it wants."
Bill flinched.
...
2.
Trevor's voicemail froze him in place. "Trevor, this is your dad. Let's grab a beer."
When he first got the voicemail, Trevor had stared at his phone for some time. His hand wasn't steady when he called his father back, and they set the meeting up. Had to happen, he guessed.
Marlowe's was a good bar to do this. Low key. Sports-themed. A smattering of people. Cold beer and enough space where they didn't have to be heard.
His dad smiled when he saw him, and Trevor needed that. Everything
could
be fine. This could work out.
Just relax.
A handshake together with a half-embrace, and then they perched at a high-top. Bill faced towards the bar and the bank of television monitors, and Trevor did the same. It was a relief they wouldn't be staring right at each other the whole time.
The sight of them likely screamed 'normal.' Bill in his button-down dress shirt and some casual trousers. Trevor in his worn jeans and a t-shirt.
An attractive young server wasted no time saddling right up to them. She gave Trevor a flirtatious look and grin that Trevor happily returned. Bill ordered a Miller Lite, and Trevor a 420.
"I swear, you're totally me, when I was your age. A younger version of me." Bill shook his head, chuckling.
"Yeah?" Trevor smiled back.
"That server's hot. You should go for that. Don't hesitate. As you get older, that becomes clearer. Life's short."
"Yeah, well it's not always as easy as it looks either, right?"
They shared a look, before Bill focused them.
"You know. Me seeing myself in you probably accounts for some of where I've been coming from on this."
Trevor braced a bit. "Okay... ."
They both drank from their beers. Trevor drained more of his.
This is damn weird.
"Hey, your mom and I have been going through some... stuff. Probably more me, actually."
Trevor kept quiet and listened closely.
Bill continued. "After twenty-something years, things get... sort of settled. Low key. It's, uh, easy to stop trying, really."
Bill held up his hand and laughed softly. "Hey, I'll be the first to admit it. I'm guilty."
The server came around, and both of them declined to order any food. The server let a sexy smile linger at Trevor. When she moved on, Bill slapped at the tabletop and was quick to his point.
"See that? That's cool. That's exciting, right? Some flirting, some sexiness. That's fun."
"Okay." Trevor sipped more beer.
"I guess I'm just saying your mom's been this same, easy-going way for years, and I've been letting things coast along forever, and neither of us has been exactly daring or really trying."
Trevor shifted on his barstool. He nodded. Part of him bristled hearing his father talk about this, but a deeper part of him could tolerate it, if it meant this is what it took for him to keep seeing her the way he was seeing her.
Bill drank some and shook his head. "I figured if she absolutely didn't want anything to happen, she could have said so."
Trevor's blood raced with this thought, as Bill kept talking.