Emily Calding picked nervously at her breakfast. Despite the delicious aroma of fresh bacon and hot coffee Emily had no appetite. Today was the last day on this good earth that she would be Miss Emily Calding, for tomorrow the world would know her as Mrs Emily Dartford. This should have caused her satisfaction and only eight hours ago it did, but when she arose this morning the reality of what lay before her in just over twenty four hours arose with her.
Emily had yearning for this moment – to be off the shelf and married at last! And Mr Dartford was a most amiable gentleman. He was pleasing to the eye too, if one ignored those grey hairs. He had a more than comfortable house in the best part of town and the gifts he showered on her were not mere tokens either. He was indeed a well set up gentleman. That thought made her perk up slightly, but as she listened to her parents talking across the breakfast table she felt a pang in her heart and for a moment she did not think she would be able to bear their parting. She was especially close to her mamma, a lady who had nurtured her and taught her all she knew of life. Emily looked at her mamma fondly. Although she was past forty she was still very beautiful in Emily's eyes. She had kind and smiling green eyes, thick and curling brown hair with the merest hint of white about the edges and a statuesque figure that Emily envied as she looked down at her own slight build.
Of an instinct Helena Calding turned to look at her daughter.
"My love what troubles you?" she asked with concern.
"Oh nothing in the world mamma!" Emily cried out with forced gaiety. She knew that her parents did not look kindly on Mr Dartford's age, which was not much younger than her mother's. But Emily was nearly twenty and to be unmarried still was a severe mortification to her. Mr Dartford's offer had been more than a relief and she overruled every objection from friends and family when she accepted it. She could not let her parents know that she was regretting her choice in any way.
"I dare say you are a little excited at the prospect of tomorrow," her father hinted gently.
"Yes indeed," Emily agreed.
Her parents continued talking, but Emily heard very little of it. She longed to leave the table and return to her room and to solitude. Mr Dartford was not expected today so she had no need to put in an appearance downstairs. Her bags were all but packed and there was nothing else to prepare for. She could be alone.
At last the plates were carried away and she made her excuses. She entered her bedroom but solitude was not to be! Her maid Annie was there folding clothes. They had known each other for as long as Emily could remember and she had not the heart to turn her away without at least a little conversation. Sadly Annie could talk of little else but the wedding. Emily let the chatter wash over her but soon Annie's conversation took a different turn.
"And have you thought at all about tomorrow night Miss Emily?"
"I beg your pardon!" Emily exclaimed in surprise. Annie giggled.
"Oh miss, you must have thought about it. You know, I hear the other girls talking and they have such tales about their gentlemen. They say you both have to enter a state of undress and then he will lie down on top of you and..."
"Annie for goodness sake!" Emily exclaimed with flushed cheeks. "That is quite enough talk on the matter."
Annie was abashed for a moment, but then asked in a whisper, "are you not nervous Miss Emily?"
In truth Emily was nervous. More nervous of this than of anything else about her marriage. She had no notion what to expect or what Mr Dartford might expect of her. This conversation brought her spirits even lower, and with relief she dismissed Annie.
She wasn't allowed peace for long though. There was a knock on her door. "What now?" she wondered.
Her mother entered the room with a concerned look on her face. She knew Emily was anxious, maybe even a little scared, and she wanted to reassure her. She wanted to help her and most importantly she wanted to teach her. She sat down on the edge of the bed where her daughter was lying.
Emily's frustration at being interrupted quickly changed to embarrassment as she discovered exactly what sort of conversation her mother was desirous of having with her.
Apart from Annie's comments earlier, Emily had caught the tattle of the house maids on a number of occasions - enough to give her some idea of what to expect on a wedding night. She had two happily married sisters and she had watched and listened jealously to the way they interacted with their husbands. But she knew that she was not in love with Mr Dartford and he was not in love with her. She was sure her experience would therefore be different and she had always been aware of that. Hearing her mother talk about love and intimacy was difficult and well as embarrassing.
"Mother please!" she interrupted at length. "I plan to be a dutiful wife and fulfil all obligations towards him."
"Very well darling," said Helena Calding. "But it is important that you are prepared for what awaits you in this quarter because it can be... alarming at first. You will most likely find it a difficult experience to begin with, but you must give it time. I know this is a very private subject but if you have any worries at all either now or afterwards I am here to listen to you."
Helena waited to see if her daughter would speak but she did not expect it. She was very close to Emily and guessed more than Emily would have wanted about what was going on in her head. It pained her in some ways, but in other ways it caused her profound delight. She looked at her daughter with admiration. Where Helena was tall, dark and buxom, Emily was fair and delicate with a slender yet shapely build, and very pretty and delicate features. Helena sometimes feared that if she touched Emily she might break. Well, she was not going to let that stand in her way. Not now.
"Emily listen," Helena said gently. "I will always be your mother. Part of my job is to prepare you for what lies ahead and to explain both the pain and the ecstasy that can be found with another."
"Mother please!" Emily expostulated, her cheeks flushing further.
"Perhaps you are not aware that ecstasy can be found?" Mrs Calding smiled and patted the place beside her on the bed. Emily reluctantly joined her.
"For example my sweet love, have you yet shared a kiss with Mr Dartford?"
"No mamma," Emily mumbled.
"My dear that is nothing to be ashamed of. It is all credit to him! But do not be fearful of a kiss. Here, let me show you."
