Hello, Mr. Morning Wood
Olivia Southern was a busybody. She was the type of woman who woke up every single morning with a dozen things on her to-do list, all prioritized and organized in her head. What she hated most was when her carefully laid out plans were tossed into the washer and jumbled up together.
That's what was happening now. The forty-three year old mom had seen her hubby off to work at seven. Now it was nearing eight and her teenage son was still rumbling out snores from his bedroom. Olivia was dressed, and she was ready, and she had her car keys in her hand. In three seconds she could be out the door, taking care of all the things she had it in her mind to take care of that day. The problem was that her lazy son wasn't up and ready to go with her.
Olivia was staring at the front door as if it were her enemy, because it was still shut and she was on the wrong side of it. The door and her son were conspiring together, she decided, before she turned and trudged down the hall to her son's bedroom. When she passed the mirror hanging there, she only took a brief glance at her reflection.
The mature woman did not like the way her cheeks were softening up as she got older. Back when she was a little girl, her cheeks were cute enough that everybody in the world wanted to touch them and squeeze them. Now, they looked like ugly pouches of old meat. At least she still had her pretty green eyes, she thought, and her fluffy brown hair. Except for her cheeks, she was aging gracefully, unlike some of her girlfriends who were so eager to retain their youth that they were paying top dollar for cosmetic surgeries and whatever other fads were trendy.
Impatiently, Olivia walked into her son's room. "Lee, it is time to get up! You do this every single day now! Come on, get up! What are you waiting for?"
Her son could sleep like a dormant volcano. He rumbled louder than even Olivia's husband when he snored, and he was tougher to budge than a mountain. Olivia had taken to shaking him awake, but even when Lee was sleeping his body could be rebellious. Her son's body sensed that she was coming to wake him up, so it rolled to the farthest edge of the bed, right up against the wall, where it would be harder to reach.
"Goddamn it, Lee, get the hell up!" She shrieked. "You're doing this on purpose to me! Every single morning!"
The noise Olivia and her husband made in the morning didn't wake Lee up. The ringing from the alarm clock didn't wake him, but it sure annoyed the shit out of her. She even called him on his phone, hoping the distinct ring tone would rouse him. Olivia had tried everything she could think of, short of dumping a bucket of cold water on his face!
"Oh, Lee, you lazy son of a bitch." She started crawling onto his bed. "I should have had a girl instead of you. You're just like your father!"
Even when she started shaking her son, he wouldn't budge. She did manage to get him from his side to his back. Maybe she could drag him off by a leg and dump him on the floor. Irritated, Olivia began pulling at his leg, when she happened to look past his thighs and at Lee's boxers.
His dick had slipped out of them, she discovered there. His dick had come out to wave at her while she was trying to wake her son up! Olivia's eyes popped open. It was big and long and round. It looked like a NASA rocket on the launching pad, except it was colored peach and had hairy fuzz at the base instead of ignition flames.
"Well, will you look at that?" Olivia asked.
Unwittingly, she compared her son's package to her husband's. Her husband had a dick that curved over to the right like it was trying to make a u-turn. Who the hell had a dick like that? Dicks had to stand up straight so they could see where they were going, didn't they? They didn't turn to the side as if cringing at what was coming to them!
But Lee's dick; that was something special. It was unique in Olivia's experience. Not that she'd slutted around with half the men in town, mind you, but she'd had a handful of lovers back in the day, back before she got married. To her eyes, Lee's dick was something women should be drooling over. It was perfect!
When Lee started smacking his lips, Olivia nearly jumped off the bed. She had been staring at that little totem pole so long she thought she'd gone into suspended animation. Very quickly, Olivia tossed the covers over to hide that thing, so Lee wouldn't catch how mesmerized she'd become by it.
Scooting a few inches toward the top of the bed, she grabbed a handful of Lee's brown hair and gave it a good yank.
"Ow! Ow! Mom, what the fuck?"
"You get off this bed right this second, you hear me?" Olivia snarled. "Right this second!"
He battered her hands away. "All right, shit! Why'd you have to do that? I don't even have to go to school anymore!"
"I'm going to the Neighborhood House, and you're coming with me!" Olivia replied. "I don't know why you're even asking, because you already know that! I am not going have you sitting in this house all day playing video games and smoking weed!"
"Mom, I don't even smoke weed!"
"Everybody knows that playing too many videos games leads to smoking weed! I'm not having that in my house, Lee! If you don't get up right now, I'm going to kick your ass like I did to your father when I got him up this morning! Get up, Lee! I'm serious!"
Olivia's claws went for her son's hair again. Lee fought her off by wrestling for her wrists, but he knew what his mother meant when she said she was serious.
"All right, I'm getting up!" Lee caved in, like she knew he would.
He must have realized that his ding-a-ling, well, no, that wasn't right, Olivia considered. It was more like a dong-a-long. Lee must have realized it was out taking a walk around the block from his boxers, because the next thing he did was to make sure his bottom half was covered.