It all began when I lost my new-born baby boy just after 15 days of his birth. He was suffering from some rare complications in his kidney.
They say that breast-feeding is good for both mother and child. It helps to maintain good health of baby as well as mother. Agreed, but what to do when there is no baby?
I didn't know what to do with my breasts. My body was producing milk and there was no one to consume it. There was a severe pain in my breasts due to accumulation of milk. Also I was feeling fever. I asked Ketan, my hubby to help. He sucked my breasts for few seconds once and refused to comply next time. He said he didn't like smell. He even refused to come close forget about making love.
I complained about pain to the doctor at the nursing home. Doctor advised me to throw away milk by pressing my breasts with my own hands. I tried this but I felt very guilty. I was wasting energy given to me by God!
I approached one NGO. They sent me to orphanage to breastfeed one abandoned newborn baby. I didn't like baby's face. I asked for another baby. No one really cared. The baby was crying too much. I noticed that babies were not cared properly and there was lack of hygiene.
I just couldn't breast-feed the baby. I left the orphanage and never went back. My breasts were becoming heavy. I had to press and throw away the milk.
'Ketan, what do I do now?' I asked my hubby next day morning when he was getting ready to go to office.
He just didn't react.
'Why can't you help me, Ketan?' I was about to cry.
He shouted, 'Go to hell!' and left home.
I cried. I threw my self in bed and hide my face under pillow and cried more. I felt very lonely and helpless.
I felt a hand on my shoulder.
'What happened Bahu, why are you crying?' I heard my father-in-law's voice. I got up and dried tears from my face with pallu of my saree. Immediately I realized my error. My FIL was watching me and I had exposed my breasts to him. I replaced the pallu and sat properly.
'Bahu, what's wrong?' he was sitting in bed beside me. I got up and stood keeping some distance.
'Nothing, Babuji!'
'Tell me what it is. May be I can help you?' he got up from the bed and came nearer.
I sat down on the edge of bed and said, 'Babuji, your son doesn't love me.'
There was a pin drop silence. I regretted saying this. In the three years of my marriage with Ketan, I had complained for the first time.
'This is a very serious allegation. I must know what happened between you two.' Babuji pulled a chair and sat before me. 'Tell me, what is the matter?'
I thought for few seconds. Sushmita, Sush, should I tell or shouldn't I?
I didn't know my FIL well. We had not lived together. My FIL came to stay with us very recently after the death of my MIL. He was in good health and had a good charming personality. He had made friends in our neighborhood in no time. I decided to take a chance as he was an elder in the home and might be able to help solve my problem.
I told him the problem in detail and concluded, 'Babuji, Ketan refused to help me!'
'Well,' Babuji said, 'Lot of men don't like the smell of milk on their wives body. May be Ketan is one of them!'
'Babuji, what do I do?' I asked him desperately.
There was a silence.
I said, 'Sorry to bother you Babuji, I shouldn't have told you the problem at all!'
'Bahu,' FIL said quietly, 'If you don't mind, allow me and I shall suck your breasts!'
?
I was taken aback.
I had never ever imagined that my FIL could play the roll of my baby.
'Just think over. In the meantime, I shall make coffee for you.' He left for kitchen. I was so dumbfound that I couldn't stop him and say that making coffee was my duty.
Well Sush, baby, what to do now?
In the three month of his stay with us, my FIL had impressed me a lot. He is cultured and very well behaved man. Also he has a good sense of humor which Ketan, my hubby lacks. He has never eyed me the way some senior citizens try to undress or rape you by their eyes only. All signs of a perfect gentleman!
'Coffee!' he brought two cups of coffee in a tray. I picked up a cup without saying a word and had a sip.
'So', he asked, 'What have you decided, Bahu?'
Go! Sush, go for it, now!
I said, 'Babuji, I am ready to breast-feed you but I have few conditions.'
'Go on.' He said.
'Number one, this has to be confidential between two of us.' I said.
'Of course, agreed.' He said.
'Number two, you will be blindfolded.'
Surprised but still, he smiled and said, 'Agreed.'
'Number three, apart from sucking, you will not touch me anywhere. Is that okay?'
He smiled again and said, 'Okay, agreed.'
'Babuji, you will have to suck my breasts at least twice a day. We shall start today right now. I expect you in my bed room in five minutes from now.' I gulped down last sip of coffee and saw that Babuji hasn't touched his coffee at all!
'Babuji, your coffee will get cold!'
He said, 'I don't need coffee now!'
?
Am I doing right? Or am I wrong?
I heard knock on the door. I missed a heartbeat.
'Please come in, Babuji!' I said.
He came in and stood in the door clueless. I went ahead and made him sit on my bed. I blindfold him with a black dupatta I found from my wardrobe.
I stared him for a moment.
Sush, are you sure you know what are you doing? Someone was asking me. Yes, I know what I am doing. I dropped pallu of my saree, unbuttoned my blouse, lifted my bra, rubbed my right breast little and squeezed my nipple. Tiny drops of milk appeared. I thrust my breast in his waiting mouth.