Ann's Story -- Chapter Four
I dreamt of everything. I dreamt of Ray and even Aunt Lee making love to me. I dreamt of them fucking me, and even of them ravaging me. I didn't dream of DeeAnn as I had never met her. She was never really a part of the family. I never understood why. Nobody ever talked about it. It was just accepted.
In my dreams I was able to handle everything that was thrown at me, but I could only dream of the things I knew about. I can't dream of what Lee and Ray know sexually that I can't think of. I mean, sure they could tie me down and put cigarettes out on my tits, but I didn't really think they would do that. Ray said they wouldn't hurt me intentionally. But what if they hurt me un-intentionally? What happens then?
I awoke more confused than before I fell asleep. I strained to listen if anyone was in the house but could not hear a sound. I stayed where I was a few moments longer, then I got up.
I didn't dress or even throw on grandma's robe that hung from the bathroom door. I left the room and roamed the house completely naked, and it felt free and nice. I wanted them to see me. I knew deep down I wanted them to want me. And they did, didn't they. Right up to the point where I let my own damn head get in the way. I'm such an idiot.
I was in the kitchen and still had not heard anything from anyone. I saw my phone on the counter and picked it up. There was a text from Ray. My heart leapt but quickly deflated as I realized it could be a text saying he was going back to Kansas without me. I opened the phone slowly and read the text. The breath I was holding escaped me and I relaxed. All it said was that he and grandma had gone to the store and to run a few errands and they would be home shortly. I looked at what time the text came in and it was twenty minutes earlier. They must have just left right before I woke up. I knew I still had some time on my own.
I sat on one of the kitchen chairs and scrolled through my phone reading other texts and missed calls. I noticed my father had called an hour earlier. Strange I thought but put it out of my head.
I returned my best friend's call, and we talked for a bit, and I informed her that I would be moving to Kansas. She wasn't happy about it, but she understood and wished me luck. It wasn't until after we hung up that I realized that I had just confirmed to someone that I was indeed going to Kansas. The reasons why were not important. Had my subconscious made up my mind while I was sleeping? Interesting.
I tried and tried to ignore the fact that my father called but I just couldn't any longer. I gave in and called him back. As the line rang, I remembered I was naked and could not complete the call so hung up.
I returned to grandma's bedroom and retrieved her robe from its hook and put it on. Afterwards I lay down on grandma's bed again but that made me feel uncomfortable as well and I returned to the kitchen. I hit redial and the line rang. This time my father picked up on the third ring.
"Hello." He said politely enough considering he knew who was calling.
"Hi Dad, I saw that you called. Sorry I missed it, I was sleeping."
"Yeah, that's fine. Ummm, I just wanted to say something to you."
I paused and let a moment pass before asking. "Yeah, what's that dad?" I half expected to start hearing the lecture again of how terrible I am and never loved him, yada yada yada. But instead, I heard a soft voice mixed with emotion and tears.
"I just want to tell you that I'm sorry for everything and that I love you and always will and that I think it's a good idea for you to go with Ray to Kansas. I just need you to know all of that before you leave. Most importantly that you know I love you, but also that if things don't work out down there you are always welcome to come home."
WHAT!? Who was this? What is going on. What did Ray say to him. Where was this all coming from?
"Hello? Ann? You there? Did you hear what I said?"
"Umm, yeah Dad I heard. I'm sorry but why now? Why are you being so nice to me now? I never thought you would accept the idea of me going to Kansas. Why the change of heart?"
He paused for a bit, and I didn't rush or interrupt him. Then his voice came back on the line. "Because Ann, you are my daughter. You are my flesh and blood. I know I suck as a father and even worse at being a dad, and I'm going to work on that. So, if you feel you need to do this, then I want to support you in it. Also, Ray said he was going to pay to put you through school and I think that's a good idea. I know I will never be able to afford it."
AHH here we go. I knew there was an anterior motive. The school thing was always a sore subject between us. I wanted to call him out on it, but for some reason I just couldn't. The rest of his words still felt good to hear and I didn't want to be the one to ruin this call.
"Thanks Dad. I appreciate that and I love you too. Always have, always will."