Another lockdown. Stuck at home for at least 2 months, shopping delivered from the supermarket once a week, and that was it. This new pandemic was supposed to be more virulent and impactful than the last one and I had lost Bill at the beginning of the last one. He had caught the virus and had never recovered. Jack, our son, and me had also caught it, but it didn't seem to impact us as much. We had been a little cavalier before, carried on as much as we could, went to the supermarket, put a mask on and shopped as we needed. That cost us and this time I was taking no chances. I had already lost Bill, no way was I going to lose Jack.
Jack's University was doing all lectures via Zoom, and so he was able carry on his studies. Bill's life insurance had paid off the mortgage and left me with a monthly pension, and so I didn't need to work. I did a few volunteer days in charity shops, but they were all shut and so there was no need for me to leave the house. Jack and I locked in for the foreseeable.
Out house was at the end of a cul de sac, a four bedroom detached built at the end of the last century. We had a corner plot and so our back garden was much larger than the front and the trees and shrubs than lined it were mature now and gave us a good deal of privacy, which we liked. We spent a lot of time outside, we had a hot tub that we used almost daily, come rain or shine, and some good quality recliners on the patio. Jack liked to use the BBQ and we often ate out outside too. Life was good, but sad. I missed Bill.
Bill was my soul, and Jack my life. Bill was gone and I felt empty and really wondered what I would do when Jack fledged and left. I had a taste of it when he went to University, and it was only the volunteer work that kept me going.
It was a warm sunny day and Jack and I had spent the day in the garden and in and out of the hot tub. I was wearing a one piece, small but discrete, and Jack had on some Hawaii shorts, baggy, but at times I noticed they did seem a little tight.
"Enough Jack. I am going to get a shower to get rid of the Chlorine, then I'll make us some tea." I had enough sun and needed to cleanse. I had an ensuite shower, but I preferred the family bathroom with its rainfall shower and additional handheld. In my bedroom I stripped off the swimsuit, rinsed it in the ensuite, threw my robe on and went to the family bathroom. I hung my robe on the door and turned the water on, a warm heavy stream flooded down from the ceiling rose.
I just stood in the stream for a few minutes, letting the water cascade down on me, enjoying the feel of the water as it ran down my body, tickling as it went. I turned the dial to the handheld and ran it over me, I guess a little carelessly, because I managed to spray the water at just an angle that it hit my clitoris and sent a little jolt through me. 'Wow' I thought. I angled it again and the jolts became more intense and before I knew it an orgasm hit, and my knees buckled, and I almost fell. I put the handheld back on the clip and just stood there, dripping trying to come to terms with what had happened.
I hadn't thought of sex since Bill passed, I just became numb to personal pleasures, and now my body had awoken and I was a little stunned. I squirted body wash onto my palm and rubbed it over me, my nipples had hardened and tingled as I soaped them my breath caught in my throat and I moved my hands down to the tops of my legs. My pubic hair was short, I hated how it looked and used to keep myself fully shaved when Bill was alive, the electric razor giving me a little buzz as it worked, arousing me, getting me ready for 'Bill time', but since his death I simply trimmed, I had no sexual desire, no need to 'warm' myself up for him.
My fingers ran across the outside of my sex, my labia naturally hairless were smooth to my touch and, as I slipped my fingers between them, I gasped at contact with my clitoris, my knees sagging again. 'Crumbs' I thought, 'wow, it has been so long, and now we are in lockdown and I can't even go out'.
I finished my shower and put my robe on and turned to the bathroom door to see it ajar. Chiding myself for not shutting it properly I looked across at Jack's door to see it partially open. I stepped forward and peeped through the gap. Why did I do that? I had no idea, but to see my son laying on his bed masturbating was a shock. Oh shit, had he spied on me in the shower?
I headed back to my bedroom, my thoughts running wild through my head. I slipped my robe off and sat on my bed, I hadn't even thought of a penis since Bill left, and then all of a sudden I was watching my son pleasure himself, moving his hand along his penis, fingers wrapped around him, his penis quite a bit longer than his hand. I was taken aback at the notice I had taken, wrong, surely, surely, I shouldn't be interested in my son masturbating?
I realised my finger was running along my valley, circling my opening, my wetness a surprise and my finger slipped inside. I heard a gasp, it came from me, I had no idea I had been so vocal. I pressed my finger deeper inside me, my palm crushing my clitoris, my other hand behind me clutching at my pillow, and I cried out as an orgasm overwhelmed me and left me breathless and very wet between my legs.
What was wrong with me? As I had my finger inside me it had been Jack in my mind's eye that had his finger in me, I was a proxy for my son, it had not been my husband that I had imagined. I was shocked. I was not supposed to think things like that about Jack, it was wrong and immoral and just impossible. Why? Why was I imagining my son doing sexual things to me? Was I such a pervert? My son would disown me if he ever knew, where would he go, we were in lockdown, It was just beyond my comprehension.
I stood and took a mental grip of myself. My door was ajar, in my haste to get away from Jack and his masturbating I guessed I hadn't shut it properly. I went across and firmly shut the door, hearing Jack's door click to as I stepped back. 'Oh God I hope he didn't hear me, or worse, see me' I thought as I went into my ensuite to clean myself up.
Jack and I were quite liberal about our clothes at home, not exactly being naked, but not entirely covered up either. He was nineteen, had a girlfriend and I was pretty sure he knew his way round her body, and probably several more before her, and after Bill passed, sexual matters hadn't even crossed my mind. He had probably seen plenty of flashes that I hadn't realised I was giving. I liked to wear skirts and blouses and often didn't bother with a bra at home, and I liked camisole style panties, I hated the snug tight briefs, I loved the feeling of the air flowing free as I moved. Jack usually just wore shorts and a Tee. Clothing wasn't optional, but it wasn't important, not at home.
At night I slept naked and I guessed Jack did too, it didn't matter, neither of us were in the habit of frequenting each other's room. That night I tossed and turned, my half-awake dreams of Bill and our sex interspersed with images of Jack's penis, hardly able to tell where Bill ended and Jack started and my orgasm long and rolling as my body shuddered to the relief from my fingers. I was glad when morning came.
"I'm going stir crazy." Jack said.
"It's only been a few days baby," I answered.
We were sitting at the table in the kitchen, he had finished his morning cereal and I was cradling a cup of coffee.
"I know, but it is going to go on for weeks and I am already so pissed off it is untrue."
Jack is not one for swearing, well, not as far as I know, so I guessed he really was struggling. "You are allowed to go out locally for exercise, why don't you go for a jog?"
"Oh God mum, I hate jogging."
"I was just thinking it you went for a jog and found yourself at the woods, and Emily happened to find herself at the woods at the same time, well, you know, coincidences, if you know what I mean."
He looked at me and a smile came over his face. He started thumbing his phone and then looked at me and then smiled when he got the ding of a text message.
"I am going for a jog mum," he said as he exited the kitchen.
I cleared away, choosing to handwash crockery rather than use the dishwasher, it was just something else to do to help kill the time. I decided to change the beds whilst he was out, and whilst he was getting ready to go for his jog I started to strip my bed.
Yes, it sure was time. My dreams had definitely spilled into the bed and there was that unmistakable odour, the scent of a woman. Oops, my dreams were more erotic than I had when I was with Bill, and certainly hotter than anything I had dreamt since Bill passed. Yes, time to wash the sheet. I heard Jack shout good bye and the door slam behind him. Dropping my soiled sheet onto the landing I went into Jack's room to tend to his.
'Phew' I thought it sure smells in here. I opened his window to let in some air and then pulled back his duvet. "Oh Jack" I said quietly as I looked at the stains on his sheet. I pulled his sheet off and it joined mine on the landing. Remaking his bed I left a box of tissues and a sock in the middle of his bed. I hoped he would take the hint otherwise I would be washing his sheet every day. As I stood and looked around his room I could hear sounds through the window.
