It was almost eleven and I was still lazing around in bed. Days like this made me especially thankful for Saturdays. Heather, my eighteen year old little sister, must have woken up long before I did since she was nowhere to be seen. She didn't tend to have the same trouble sleeping that I experienced.
As sisters growing up with parents who were all too often not around, we grew closer than perhaps other siblings did. Many of my friends complained about their younger brother or sister and how annoying they could be, but I never felt that way about Heather. Then again, she was a somewhat quiet girl and she respected my space so maybe that was all it took.
Back when we were just kids Heather would sometimes have bad dreams or get lonely at night. I can't remember when but at some point it stopped being mom she ran to, and instead she started coming to my room. I tried to be a good big sister and do my best to help her when she needed it, even if I didn't understand at the time why she came to me.
It was never all that frequent, but every now and then after I was in bed she would carefully open my door and stand there silently until I said it was okay to come in. I don't remember her ever waking me up so it could be she was simply checking to see if I was already asleep. Sometimes, in particular if she had a nightmare, we would stay up talking for a while, but mostly she just snuggled up to me and we eventually drifted off to sleep.
I always assumed she would grow out of it but even now, just a few months shy of her nineteenth birthday, she still slept with me every now and then. Lately it seemed to be happening more frequently than usual but it was probably just my imagination.
The problem was that whatever reason Heather had for continuing to visit me at night, many other things about her had changed. It was a rather large shock to me when I first realized that I had feelings for my sister. Not in a sisterly sense either, but legitimately as another human being to whom I happened to be particularly close.
It was much like discovering I was attracted to one of my friends and constantly being afraid of losing them, only worse. Not only would the potential fallout be even harder on those affected but our relationship was also incredibly unlikely to develop into anything more than it already was, however much part of me might hope otherwise. All I could do was try to appreciate what I had even if doing so led to aggravating obsession at times. The small movements as she breathed or the feeling of her bare legs against mine became fascinating to me to the point where they could easily keep me up for hours.
All of which led my current state of still lying in bed tired even after having slept in as long as I did. The fact that her visits were rare was the only thing that allowed me to keep a mostly normal sleeping schedule.
I eventually did manage to drag myself out of bed and head downstairs. The window in the kitchen looked out onto the driveway allowing me to note the absence of either parent's car. Heather and I would have the house to ourselves, assuming she hadn't gone somewhere as well.
Picking up the faint sound of the television, I wandered farther through the house to the living room. It could have simply been left on by someone, but as I secretly hoped I found my sister sitting on the couch focused on painting her toenails. I could tell right away that she was using more than one colour on each nail, a sure sign that she was bored.
"Morning," she chirped.
"Hey," I answered back less cheerfully, still not fully awake. "Busy day I see."
"Not really," she responded, picking up on my sarcasm but not acknowledging it. "I'm going out with some friends later on, probably be out late. Nothing happening right now though."
"Good to know," I said, lacking anything more to add.
I was starting to get hungry and tried to decide what I wanted for breakfast. Or maybe I would just skip to lunch since it was closer.
"Can I ask you something?" Heather asked suddenly.
"Uh, yeah sure. What's up?"
It had to be something fairly important to her or she would have just asked. That and the fact that she was still staring down at her toes instead of looking at me suggested that it was something she had to work herself up to.
"Were you ever... I mean was there ever a girl you were..." she blurted, stumbling over her words. "Was there ever one you thought you liked?" she finished.
"Yes," I answered simply. "I think a lot of people have at least been curious about stuff like that."
I refrained from telling her that she was one of the girls I had thought about.
"But how do you know?" she persisted. "What if you're not sure?"
"It's not such a big deal these days, mostly. You could always just find someone to try things with. See if you like it or not. I think if you're really into someone you'll probably just know. It's not always a matter of liking one gender and only that gender."
Heather looked thoughtful for a moment then finally lifted her head to meet my gaze.
"So have you, like, kissed a girl before?" she asked tentatively.
"Yeah," I said, nodding my head.
"What was it like? Was it the same as with a guy?"
"No, not really. I mean the basics are pretty much the same, but it's still different. Kind of like different flavours of ice cream," I added, hitting an analogy that seemed to work. "It's probably different with every person too, but from what little experience I have I would say that girls tend to focus more on the kiss. Guys usually seem more interested in what comes after that, although not necessarily on a conscious level."
My sister slowly nodded as she processed what I said as though it made sense to her. I hoped it wasn't completely wrong but, as I told her, I hadn't really been with very many people, let alone very many girls.
"Yeah, that makes sense," she said. "I was hoping for a simpler answer, but I should have known better. I guess I'll just have to wait for an opportunity sometime."
