Panicking, I jumped up from my desk forcing my chair backwards across the carpet narrowly avoiding knocking it over entirely. I pulled my tank top back over my exposed breasts while my stomach did somersaults. My mind was racing with every thought from anger to shame to embarrassment to arousal. Slamming the lid of my laptop down it severed the connection to the chatroom and disabling my webcam.
Holy fucking shit! My brother! It was my brother! Was it him this whole time? How did he know? Had he been on my computer? Was it a coincidence? Was it planned? My mind raced even faster than my heart. This couldn't be happening. This was supposed to just be fun. Relieve a little stress from school.
Before I had a chance to calm down and compose myself, my phone vibrated and beeped again. "Come here" it lit up brightly in my dimly lit room. The white font was centered all neat and innocent on the screen but the implications made my mind swirl.
In a lust-filled daze, I realized I was moving across the floor in silent obedience. Which was worse, letting the question go unanswered, or answered. I tiptoed out of my bedroom and down the narrow hallway the entire time keenly aware of my hard nipples poking through my light pink tank top and the warmth radiating from beneath my pink and white pajama bottoms. Reaching my brothers room I paused wondering if this was even real. I knocked softly, torn between wanting him to answer and a powerful urge to retreat back to the safety of my room. Before I even finished knocking he opened the door and I silently moved inside.
Bryan closed the door behind me and returned to his grey desk chair. He sat down staring up at me as I stood in the middle of his room. I could see over his shoulder his computer screen. There it was. The same chatroom that I had been in. My screenname standing out painfully. The words of our conversation filling the chat window. I had been cybering with my own brother. He'd even seen my tits. My cheeks flushed with shame and embarrassment.
There was a painful awkward silence in the air, while he just stared at me. A vast silence begging to be broken. I couldn't take it anymore.
"How'd you know?" I asked softly.
"Your search history actually," he responded coolly. "Remember a couple weeks ago when I borrowed your computer. I admit, I did a little snooping on it and found you frequented that chat site. The rest sort of came together"
I couldn't decide between anger and betrayal; shame or embarrassment, so I opted for more awkward silence instead.
"How often do you go into those chatrooms Ashley?" Bryan asked innocently enough. But, I stayed quiet. "I'm just wondering," he added. I didn't have the courage to admit how often I frequented the chatrooms. It had become a habit the past few months. Coming home from school and winding down by talking to the dirtiest kinkiest boys I could find before trying to relieve the sexual intention bubbling inside me. I attended an all girls school in Arizona and didn't interact with very many guys much less have a boyfriend so my only sexual outlet was online.
"Why did you call me in here, Bryan?" I asked, needing this awkward conversation to be over.
"I just wanted to talk in person. That's all," he replied coolly, calmly, trying, I think, to put me at ease. "I guess I want to understand you a bit better. So, little sister, when you chat with guys do you always go into BDSM rooms like that?"
The way he said little sister was so jarring given the sexual nature of our conversation. I had turned 18 a few months earlier, and while Bryan was only three years older than me, he still got a kick out of calling me his little sister. I slowly shook my head "no" opting to give in to his questions in the hopes this would end faster and I can retreat back down the hall in shame.
"But usually?"
I nodded.
"You like the idea of being a sexual submissive, Ashley?"
That's when I heard it. When he said "Ashley", I could hear the faintest hint of lust punctuating his question. I blushed of course. I couldn't help it and nodded again. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Not just happening, but I was letting it happen. Did I want it to happen? I mean, I of course I thought about it. I looked for guys online that had a thing for their sisters. Talking to them, hearing their lust for their sisters satisfied the desire I had for my brother that I thought would never come to reality. I mean it is after all so incredibly wrong, inappropriate, disgusting even.
"Have you ever done it... in real life I mean? Have you ever been submissive for someone?"
Even his question caused a tingling between my legs, but I had to reluctantly shake my head no.
"And your screenname... you usually pretend to be someone's sister?
I nodded for the third time and stared at the floor of his bedroom, avoiding any possible eye contact. I was devastated and humiliated at my terrible secret leaving the safety and anonymity of the internet and entering the real world. And yet it wasn't just anyone. It was him. My brother. The main cast member of my fantasies for as long as I could remember. My handsome adoring brother. Then he asked the million dollar question.
