"Well, I suppose that wasn't too bad for a first attempt." I thought as I read the comments from my first story.
It was hard to disagree with them, especially the comments about how the buildup was the best part. That had been the easiest part of the story to write, it wasn't surprising that it was also the easiest part to read. The words had just flown straight to the page, I wasn't even sure I had needed to do any actual editing there beyond the occasional misspelled or double typed word.
The advice I had read, "Write what you know", had worked even better than the author had said it would. I had been trying for years to write a creditable story, but they all seemed to dissolve once I got started. The trouble would come after I introduced the characters and they began to interact. I was never able to really imagine them fully, didn't really know them. It still amazed me that other authors were able to create entire worlds, populate them with fully realized people, and not lose track of who knew who, wanted what, or why.
So I took a shortcut. Decided to literally write what I knew. And if there was one thing I knew, it was that I am in love with my wife's sister, Kelly.
So when I wrote, I told the readers all about how I came to be where I was. How I met my wife, and then her sister, and the decades of longing I have felt. It went well, and easily, right up until it came time for the action, the payoff, the moment the readers had been waiting for. When "the guy finally got the girl." That part stuttered, it was difficult to write. It was strange that this would be such a challenge, considering the many hundreds of nights I have fallen asleep with visions of exactly that.
The problem is that it isn't real, as much as I wish it were, and I haven't yet learned the art of creation. Description maybe, grammar and pacing maybe, but creation? Definitely not. The details fled when the time came for my protagonist, me, to finally win my heart's desire. Like the characters of my other stories, I didn't really know what that would look like. Ah well, at least I had a story to start with and feedback not only from readers but from my girlfriends and my wife who knew me.
My wife of course is quite concerned about the small changes I have worked in to the story of our life together, feeling that I have given over two decades of happy marriage insufficient time. True, I couldn't imagine life without Nicole. The strength of our admittedly unorthodox marriage is the only reason I can even admit my feelings to myself, much less put them on display for others to see. She is the one who has earned my trust so fully that I can admit to her my illicit desire for Kelly. She was the one who could master her own doubts and insecurities so fully that she could hope for me to find happiness with her own sister. She is the one who makes my impossible hope real.
My girlfriend Jessica, the one who lives a thousand miles away, read the story and enjoyed it. Her feedback however mirrored many of the other readers. She wanted more, felt the erotic scene at the end was too small. She told me she had hoped the two sisters would both be involved in the final scene, siblings and husband making love with one another. I couldn't find the words to explain that it wasn't there because this was my true story, my real love, my real hopes. That to put two of my greatest loves together like that, force them to change the nature of their relationship to one another in order to serve me, would be to betray them both. Certainly it would be wonderful if romance developed between the two of them so we could find ourselves together in that way. I would give anything if could be so completely unconcerned with convention and judgement that we freely loved another in every way. But the relationship between them must develop between them, not subservient to me or my relationships with them. Otherwise it would always be poisoned by obligation.
On the other hand, my girlfriend Chris, who lives only a few minutes from my house, read the story on a night I stayed with her. Her feedback was less verbal, far more physical, and would have made an excellent real-life example of the type of sex the readers were looking for. Maybe I should write that scene into the next chapter somehow, change the participants a bit so it isn't blatantly obvious this is a true story. It was certainly amazing enough in reality to warrant the effort, and without a doubt I will spend many evenings imagining Kelly and I together that way.
In the meanwhile, life goes on. I had an interview last week for an executive position at the same company Kelly works for. She told me about the opening, it was not one that would be advertised, and the money is outstanding. Kelly is also an executive there, but in a different division. She met me for coffee, our shared addiction, the day before, so she could give me some advice on what to expect. As helpful as it was, and as much as I want the job, the real reason I wanted to meet was because it gave me an excuse to spend time alone with Kelly.
Last week went by fast, as often happens. The store, kids, taking the brand-new car to the shop for the fifth time in the six months we have owned it, it was busy enough to keep my mind almost completely off my upcoming lunch date.
Almost.
I remember standing in line at the grocery store one afternoon when the impossibly young cashier said something about her own coffee addiction. I immediately thought of Kelly and our love of coffee. I felt an unexpected pang of longing that nearly took my breath away and lingered with me for the rest of the day. Little things reminded me of her, seeing the same model of car she drove on the road, drinking a glass of wine, enough to keep her lightly on my mind as she had been for all of these years.
Coffee went wonderfully.
I walked in the door and she turned towards me, flashing a smile. Kelly's face and the tone of her voice was teasing, her body language relaxed. "Nice of you to finally show up.", she teased.
I had spotted her before I even parked the car. 5'6", dark glossy hair, the amazing body of an old style pin up girl, and a presence that drew the room to her. How could I not have noticed? I was certain that anyone who happened to glance through the windows would have noticed her instantly as well. Or maybe it was just me.
"Well, I wouldn't want to have you question my intentions."
Kelly laughed. Ten seconds in and already the trip was already worthwhile.