Babydoll Ch 18

I appreciate the comments and feedback of the Babydoll series. This is meant to be a Dramatic series filled with Romance, Intrigue, Taboo, and most of all Sex. I want each of these chapters to have a symbolic meaning. Some chapters have been liked more than others and that is natural.

Please give the story a chance even if there may be something that doesn't suit your fancy. The next step in the journey might make it worth your while. That's the way the best dramas work? I am trying to pull in all of your senses.

Anyway, any likenesses or similarities of character are purely coincidental. I hope you will read the previous chapters, if you haven't. This is a taboo topic, so I know that it is offensive to some. The material is erotic to me because it is forbidden in society. In no way do I condone such activity. This is purely fantasy. Hope you enjoy the fantasy.

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I laid down in the dark feeling a sort of despair. It wasn't a feeling like it was the end of my life or anything, but there was a sense of abandonment that I couldn't come to terms with. I wasn't happy. In my mind there was a certain way that I wanted things to work and Ashley wasn't cooperating with my plan.

I fell asleep at some point in time and when I awoke, I had no idea what time it was. I continued lying in the dark for a while before I felt the cold of the house which seemed to enhance my sense of melancholy.

Eventually, I decided to head downstairs and turn the heat up and get my belongings out of my mother's car. Entering the car, I could still smell Ashley. I saw on the dashboard that it was 10:53pm. I reached for my phone and turned it on and saw that Jill had blown up my messages. There were several texts and messages in my inbox. I really didn't care to talk to her, but I knew I needed to.

I also saw that my mother had called a couple times and I remembered that I was supposed to pick her up the next day at the airport. I figured that I might as well get it over with and call her and then I'd call Jill.

I went into my phonebank and speed dialed my mother. She picked up the phone on the first ring, "Hey Jim."

(Jim) -- "I saw you called a couple times. I didn't have my phone with me."

(Mama) -- "That's OK. I just wanted to remind you to pick me up at the airport at 6pm tomorrow."

(Jim) -- "Yeah, I just remembered before I called you. I'll be there."

(Mama) -- "Everything alright."

I thought she must have sensed something, I played it off, "Yeah, I just fell asleep in my room and I came downstairs to get my phone and saw the messages... "

(Mama) -- "Are you feeling sick?"

(Jim) -- "Nah, just tired... I'm going to get some more rest."

(Mama) -- "OK, I'll see you tomorrow evening. You get some rest."

We said our goodbyes ending the call. I decided to head downstairs to the bar in the basement. As I entered the area where the bar is, I had a torrent of thoughts about the many things that had happened down in this room as I looked around. God, my mind bounced between these female subjects like a yo-yo... Ashley... Jill... Mama.

The thoughts of Jill really made me feel guilty. It made me feel like I was using her. Then of course I was here in my house where all of these things had gone on and there were so many reminders everywhere I looked. I grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the bar as I headed back upstairs to the living room where I decided to light another fire and spend the night. The living room was always my favorite room in the house.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you were caught up in such a perplexing lifestyle, you would be here where I am today. These women... These emotional beings controlled me. I was helpless if I wanted them in my life. The only way out would be to run away and that wasn't an option. Ash said it, I had to face it head on and just accept whatever happened... just go along for the ride.

I went upstairs and put some sleeping clothes on before coming back to the makeshift bed Ash and I had made the week before. I could still smell Ashley in the fabric of the pillows as I propped the them up and reclined back at the base of the hearth. I twisted off the cap of the fifth of Black Label Jack Daniels and took a swig. The combination of the warmth of the fire, booze in my gut, and Ashley's smell flowed into my brain and soothed the stresses of thought. It seemed to make my thoughts slow down to where I could relax.

I closed my eyes and meditated for a few moments and out of everything came Ashley. I took another slug of whiskey before picking up my phone and calling Jill. I had a feeling this was going to be a hard phone call. She picked it up on the first ring.

Before she could utter a word, I felt awash in anger and resentment, "What is the deal with you blowing my phone up like that?" I reprimanded her.

"I missed you. I wanted to talk to you," she lamented.

I chided, "I looked at my phone and you called seven times and left three texts. I was going to call you. WHAT is going on?!?"

She took a deep breath and sounded frustrated as she asked, "Why are you being so distant?"

How dare she. She didn't know this turmoil. Throw it back on her, "What? Distant.. I went to the Mountains yesterday... Maybe it's in your mind??? I don't know what to say... We're like 350 miles apart right now."

"Your my boyfriend. We have been together virtually every day for a year and you disappeared... New Year's Eve and you didn't even call me. The last few days and we've barely talked," she whimpered. "You act like you don't even miss me."

The thought crossed my mind about ditching her as I shot back, "I'm sorry, but I guess I'm not good at distance. You've been way to clingy for my taste the past few days... maybe we ought to cool it."

With a disheartened reaction, "Uhhh... don't say that. Please don't say something like that. I'm in love with you."

What Ash had said flashed in my mind, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to argue. I don't wanna hurt you. I'm sorry about yesterday."

(Jill) --"I'll be back to school on Thursday. Will you pick me up?.."

I indignantly affirmed, "Yesss, I'm going to pick you up at the airport."

She whined, "Well, if it's going to put you out, I can find a way back to my own place."

Now the guilt kicked in. I didn't want Jill to feel abandoned. I did love her. I did feel a need to protect her and make sure she was alright, "Jill, I told you I was going to pick you up, OK. Everything will be alright."

"OK," she sounded as though she sniffled a tear.

I told her my schedule for the next few days, "I have to pick my mother up at the airport in the evening tomorrow and then I'm going to drive back to school on Wednesday evening... and I'll pick you up on Thursday afternoon."

Jill attempted to make small talk with me as I took a couple more swigs of whiskey. I don't know what happened, but at some point in time I fell out. I never ended the conversation with her. I remember waking to the crackling fire during the middle of the night and then closing my eyes and falling back asleep.

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I awoke to sunshine the next morning. I looked and noticed my cell phone was dead. I guess the battery had died when I didn't shut it down the night before, after I had passed out talking to Jill. I had a little bit of a hangover, but it wasn't anything a good little buzz wouldn't cure.

I went up to my room to retrieve my little cigarette case that had my joints. It was in my overnight bag. While I did this I looked up to see that it was a little past 10am on the clock. I would need to clean up the living room a little and check to make sure everything was in the right place before. I needed to leave the house by 4pm to make sure I was at the airport on time.

After catching a buzz, I went and ate some cereal and proceeded on the house cleaning and arranging mission. By the time I finished it was a little past noon. I called Jill up and apologized about the night before. The funny thing is that she seemed a little more settled and the accidental passing out on her, while talking to her on the phone had done the trick. My mental gymnastics had led to exhaustion and the benefit of it all was that Jill seemed a little more settled that I wasn't going to dismiss her.

After talking with Jill for a little while, I tried to call Ashley, but she didn't answer. It seemed the more things changed the more they remained the same. I knew in my mind that she wasn't ignoring me. She felt the distance was for the best. She had told me so. It didn't settle the situation in my mind. We all know that she is the one I truly love.

I went upstairs and took my shower and put my clothes on. Time flew by and before I knew it, it was mid afternoon. Looking back on it, the whole Christmas break had seemed to fly by on one hand, but on the other, so many things had happened during the two weeks that it seemed like a lifetime since I had left school with Jill to come home.

I walked out to my favorite place in the woods and fired up another joint. I sat on my stump and reflected on my life, meditating under the warm sun. The temperature was only about 45-degrees, but the direct sun sure seemed warmer as I soaked in its rays. I wondered if other people had gone through what I was going through. Could this be a social norm? It couldn't be, I thought to myself. How many families had surrendered themselves to such a predicament as this?

One thing I understood was how spoiled I was to be surrounded by such beautiful women as my mother and sisters. They were elegant and demure, even if we were all a little twisted. But I also felt a certain level of guilt in thinking that I may have been responsible for some of the twisting.

I contemplated how I should have and could have better controlled and suppressed my feelings over all of this time. Maybe that would have been impossible, I don't know, but I did know that there was a magical connection between Ash and I that I hadn't experienced with anyone else. Maybe it was the genetic code. Maybe we were too much alike and that brought about this attraction.

I just had a hard time with controlling my urges when it came to Ash. Nothing had seemed to break my desire for her. I wondered if she felt it to the same degree I did. It definitely seemed that she was better at controlling herself or she seemed to have better ways of suppressing her feelings.

The shadows had grown long as the day moved towards the late afternoon. I sucked on a few cinnamon Altoids and enjoyed the exhilaration of my first-class buzz as I got up and walked towards the house. I was motivated by the fact that I would soon need to start making my way to the airport.

I made one last check of the house, and grabbed a couple ice cold cokes, before heading out to the garage. I had decided that I would take my mother's car to the airport. I hit the Interstate and blasted the stereo listening to my mother's Foreigner "4" CD. Wow what an iconic CD, I thought. Those songs sure hit home. 45 minutes later and I was listening to her other best of the 80s CD. This stuff was old, but it was good and I could relate to a lot of it.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking deck at the airport. The buzz sure did help make the trip pass by quicker. It was 5:45pm and I figured by the time I walked to the terminal, my mother would be arriving in minutes, so I shouldn't have to wait very long, or at least I thought. As I watched the Delta Airliner land, I wondered if that particular one was my mother's. It had to be I thought.

Thank God the plane was on time, I thought to myself. I certainly didn't like sitting around the airport waiting. I did have a seat in the concourse waiting area and certain enough, I saw on the video screen that Mama's plane had arrived.

After about five minutes, I spotted Mama entering the gate to the concourse. 6pm, right on schedule, here she came wearing her winter trench coat. I took note that even with the coat covering her from shoulders to below the knees, she had to have been somewhat dressed up. Of course it seemed that my mother was always wearing some sort of fashionable attire. The trip from Atlanta only takes a couple of hours and most of that is due to our modern security system. Mom had her hair pulled back as she was sporting a cool western fedora hat on her head. She certainly looked distinguished with what she was wearing.

I met her halfway from the waiting seats and she gave me a hug. "Hello Mama," we smiled at one another, "Well, I know you said you were having a good time the other day. "

(Mama) -- "It was a wonderful trip, but I am glad to be getting home."

(Jim) -- "Well, let's get your bags. "

We proceeded over to the baggage pick up and I grabbed her suitcase, while she toted along her carry on. We then were off to the parking garage and intermittently she would add conversation bits, "I have to be back to work on Thursday. So I plan on taking it easy tomorrow... Thank goodness, I'll only have to work Thursday, Friday, and a short day on Saturday to get caught up."

It wasn't a distant walk to the car, where I threw Mama's suitcase in the trunk and we were headed home in under 15 minutes. As we left the airport, my mind drifted into reflection. Being near Mama brought back my thoughts of Ashley and how much I had declared my love for her. Of course our love was not a normal love, but something far deeper. Not just the love of siblings, not just the intimacy of lovers, but an exponential love created from the combination of the two. Being in the car with Mama made me more determined than ever that I would insist that Ashley meet me before I left.

I was brought back to reality by my mother's sigh. She had sunk back into her car seat and relaxed patiently as we road on. The traffic wasn't too bad for it being a little after 6:30pm on January 2nd. As we entered the Interstate, I looked out of the corner of my eye and caught my mother with her eyes closed. Her Fedora rested in her lap and she seemed to be chillin' for the hour we had left until we would be home.

With her being quiet, I was more comfortable. I feared the unknown of where a conversation might lead. There was no reason she would give me the silent treatment and I knew she would want to converse eventually. I thought to myself, 'Might as well relax. Why be nervous.'

We were about five miles down the road when she sighed again, "Jim..." in a questioning manner.

(Jim) -- "Yes, Mama."

"I think we need to talk... You know over the years, there have been a lot of things that happened." She began a slow cadence, " I married your Dad when I was still practically a girl... he died in a god awful manner... It drove me crazy Jim."

"You weren't crazy Mom," I rebutted.

"Just listen. I met Joe and he was great, but he wasn't your Daddy... he couldn't replace your Daddy. I think he saw that in my eyes and it frustrated him... and we were already a family and he didn't have one. I never could let it all go and he couldn't let things go... and that is how we drifted apart... he's still a good man and I hope you will still stay in contact with him and be his friend," She propped up her head on her extended fist as her elbow rested on the passenger's windows seal and then she continued speaking in a forlorn manner. "As you've grown up, you've come to be your father... that is the reason I lost myself in you."

(Jim) -- "I'm so sorry Mama."

"You have grown up to be your Daddy and Ashley has grown up to be me... I was jealous of her... I should have embraced her, but I pushed her away... I was sick. I longed for your Daddy. I wanted you."

(Jim) -- "It wasn't you Mom... You're beautiful."

She shook her head negatively, "No, no, no... I had control of the situation. The woman always has control of the situation... Well, almost always. Sometimes we get in over our heads."

I continued to listen, thinking about Thanksgiving night as my mother went silent. Thinking about my first time with Ash... I would never forget that... I never forgot any of it. I have to admit that it made me antsy as it aroused my libido, but not in a way that I wanted my mother again. That had led to so much trouble.

We continued down the road and eventually my mother carried on, "I always want us to be best friends... OK?" she reached out and took my hand from the steering wheel, pulling it to her own, before insisting, "OK?"

(Jim) -- "OK... Yes Ma'am."

"I've come to realize that you and I aren't like a mother and son..." She left that hanging in the air for a moment, as she gathered her thoughts and I wondered where she was taking this, "Sure, I'm responsible for you being here. That gives us the ultimate bond... I have to look out for your well being, for what's best for you... but you are an adult and that should be respected... and I should be respected... we crossed the line. We weren't respecting one another... More than anything now, we are friends. We should never do anything to screw that up."

I wanted what she was espousing very much, "I'm sorry for everything that happened. You were vulnerable. I don't know what I could have done, but I wish that stuff hadn't happened."

Mom tilted her head with an anxious smirk, "You're right in many ways, but things happen for a reason. You've grown up so much over the past few years. I miss not having you around... I'll be glad when you can move back here after college. You'll have a family some day and it'll be nice as I get older."

"One thing is Mom, you don't need to dwell on getting older," I paused as I took her hand. "You're still young... You are a beautiful woman. Things didn't work out with you and Joe, but you can move on. You can find someone..."

She grimaced, "Jimmy... love hasn't worked for me."

"But it can... you have to try." I took her hand and kissed the back of it. "It can... will you try for me?"

She swooned into a far off distance, "I will try for you."

We released hands as she slunk back in her seat and closed her eyes. A few seconds later she asked, "I'm hungry. Can we stop somewhere and get something to eat?"

We were nearly halfway home, "Certainly. I don't have anything planned... there's not much out here, but we'll be back in town in about 20 minutes."

"OK," she confirmed.

(Jim) -- "What would you like to eat?"

(Mama) -- "Pretty much anywhere would be fine by me. You choose."

(Jim) -- "How about Italian?"

(Mama) -- "Sounds good to me."

(Jim) -- "Bongiorno's be alright?"

(Mama) -- "That sounds great."

We were going to Bongiorno's Bistro. It's a nice little Italian place downtown. They have authentic Italian food. The place has been in the family for three generations and they don't cheat the recipes. The food tastes the same as it always has -- excellent.

My mother sat back and relaxed. The center of the city is perfectly situated on our path home from the airport. 10 minutes after we would leave there, we would be home for my last night of my visit.

We pulled in to a mostly empty parking area, but that was to be expected with it being the beginning of the new year and people recovering from the holidays and getting ready to head back to work and school. I parked and got out of the car and headed around to open my mother's door, but she had already exited the passenger's seat and was ready to head inside. I hadn't been out to dinner alone with my mother in years.

She had put her hat back on and bundled up on the freezing night as we climbed the steps of the neat art deco colonnade building in which the restaurant is located. As we entered, I handled the interaction with the hostess and asked customarily, as taught by my grandfather, if it was alright that we didn't have a reservation. The hostess said, "... of course. Not tonight. Table for two?" Which I confirmed.