After dinner with my parents and Renee, I went up to my room. When I saw my long nightshirt laid out on my bed, I smiled. Ryan was somewhere hiding in the house and I'd get to see him after our parents went to bed.
One of my ongoing punishments for what had happened on my birthday was an understandable lack of trust. Even after all the months that had passed, I was no longer allowed to have my door closed for longer than it would take for me to change clothes. My parents believed that by being able to see into my room at any time, they could monitor my activities better. It was practically a moot point, though, because all of the electronics—TV, phone, video game consoles—had been removed from my room and I wasn't allowed upstairs unless I was sleeping or doing homework. If it weren't for the fact that Ryan was well-versed in sneaking around the house from his time living there and my desire to be with him, it might have worked.
Upon returning home after staying with my brother for the weekend and admitting our feelings for each other, he had begun to sneak into the house either through my window or by using his key in one of the doors then hiding until our parents went to sleep. He preferred to confine himself to my room or the bathroom I used across the hall, but with Renee in the house sharing that bathroom, he often hid in the basement to avoid being found by her.
I had just closed my door to change into the sleep shirt when I heard shifting behind me. When I turned, I saw Ryan peeking out from under my bed. Trying not to make too much noise, I went to him and pressed my lips to his in greeting.
"I'm glad you're here," I whispered. "I missed you."
"Missed you, too. Now go open the door before they get suspicious."
After another quick peck, I did. Even though he came over during the day and occasionally for dinner, it had been a week since we had been alone together and I needed to feel my brother's hands on my body. For the next two hours, I went through our family's night time ritual feeling my body becoming warmer. Just knowing that Ryan was in the house waiting for me was enough to arouse me but fear of him being caught kept it from growing too strong.
When I returned to my room for bed, Ryan again peeked out and I leaned down to give him another kiss that was interrupted as we heard footsteps approaching.
"Good night, Rachel."
"Good night, Mom."
I saw hesitation on my mother's face before she came in and sat on the bed next to me.
After taking one of my hands in both of hers, she said, "I know you're probably angry with us but I want you to know we're doing this because we love you and don't want anything bad to happen to you. It's not out of spite or anger. We just want to know his name so we can talk to him and make sure he's the right kind of guy for you."
I was tired of the many permutations of this conversation and couldn't hold back a heavy sigh. My words were slow as I consciously chose them so I wouldn't give any indication that I was talking about Ryan. "I understand that. I do. Really. But you must know by now that I'm not going to tell you his name. I know that this is hard for you to believe but I wouldn't have done that if it weren't with the right guy. Trust me on that. Please. I understand that you believe I should have waited until I was married, but somehow, I don't think marriage—traditional, white dress, church marriage—is in the cards for me. Not because I don't want to have a family and settle down. It's just—" I took a deep breath realizing I was getting too close to admission. "I don't think I'll be getting married."
"You're too young to be making that decision now."
I raised an eyebrow. "Mom, seriously? You and Dad started dating at sixteen and got married the day after you graduated."
"You're right. And I love him dearly. But the world is different now and if you said you wanted to get married the day after graduation to a boy that I knew and thought was perfect for you, I'd try to talk you out of that as well. I don't want you to limit yourself by making a decision like that so soon. You have choices and decisions to make that I didn't at your age. You may think marriage is old-fashioned but someday you might want that stability with someone. My overall point is that your father and I are always going to be your parents and for this time at least we want to be a part of your decision making process to guide you. That's all. We are disappointed about you having sex but we're hurt that we don't know the guy. You're our baby and it hurts knowing that you're growing up."
