"This is somewhat of a significant post because I contemplated for days whether or not I wanted to share this particular entry. I decided that it's crucial to what has and could still happen with my brother, so it wouldn't have been fair to you all not to include it. As I mulled it over I realized that it's probably significant enough, (and long enough) to warrant its own post, so here it is.
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Friday, May 24th 2019
(If you're someone who finds breast milk disgusting, this might be a good entry to skip because I'm going to talk about it a lot.)
I fucked up so bad. I've been working really hard and putting in extra time at work because we're so close to a big milestone. Last night I got home so late I didn't even see my brother, he was already asleep (I did keep him updated via text, so he wouldn't worry about me though). I pretty much went straight to bed, I was exhausted and passed out as soon as I was horizontal. I almost overslept this morning too! I took a quick shower and wore comfortable clothes to work today just because I didn't have time to coordinate an outfit. Yoga pants and a t-shirt. It was just after lunch time when I realized my mistake; I hadn't milked before bed last night, and my boobs were starting to ache.
Had I realized even 20 minutes earlier, I might have been able to relieve some pressure at the sink and hope no one else came in, maybe enough to tide me over until I got home, but today was especially busy as we tried to make sure everyone would get the full holiday weekend.
Typically, I milk myself before bed, and in extreme cases, I could go two days before I start to get painfully full. Since I don't have anyone to feed, my breasts take a while to produce, and I don't have to milk often. I've only let it get super bad ONCE early when I first started lactating, and that was a mistake I never want to repeat. I'd been careful to never have to milk at work as well, or really anywhere public. HOWEVER, a couple months ago I started birth control, and the only real side effect I've experienced so far has been a bit of an increase in production. I still haven't quite figured out the limits, but sometimes I just have to milk both before and after bed. It's not quite doubled, maybe like 1.5x the production I was used to?
At this point it was just a general ache, but I knew it was going to get worse, I just had to get through work. I had everything I needed to get done, done by around 2:30, and the rest of the day was just meetings, reviews, and notes. I kept thinking, 'thank god my brother's group project is meeting at the dorms this week'. They typically worked until after midnight, so I'd have plenty of time to address this even if my work ran late. I also didn't have to perform for the holiday weekend, since I had stayed to perform for the big New Years event earlier in the year. I just needed to get through the day.
Around 4 though, the aching turned into all around tenderness. My breasts felt heavy and I just wanted to lay down, but I was stuck having to sit for the rest of this meeting. I felt like I couldn't keep still, and I just wished I could be excused and just get the email summary later but I had to show my stuff for review, and it's a big thing that you're supposed to be courteous and stay for everyone's review. Normally not a problem, but today it was becoming torture. Think of a time you've had to pee really badly and had to hold it, it's like that, it's distracting and it's painful and you just imagine you're going to burst at any second.
By the time I was able to leave work it was nearly 7pm, and I was in incredible pain. My breasts were very hot, and I couldn't wait to get home and throw my bra off. I was focused on controlling my breathing on the drive home, and trying not to panic. I was afraid to look at my boobs because I seriously thought I could have mastitis, and I'd done such a good job of avoiding that all this time. When I finally made it home I shut the door behind me and ran to my room, throwing my top off on the way to my bathroom. While facing my mirror, I carefully took my bra off, my boobs were straining against the cups, and I could see veins pushing up against my skin that were not normally visible. I was painfully engorged. I gently held my boobs so they wouldn't settle painfully from the sudden lack of support as I tossed my bra on the sink. My boobs were almost hard, and I sucked in air through my teeth as I ran my fingers over the deep red grooves the bra had left in my skin. I winced as I touched my nipples, my boobs are already incredibly sensitive, and usually that's a very very good thing, but right now it was too much, and it was painful. They were too tender. I was dreading having to milk them but I desperately needed the release.
Since I had the house to myself I decided to just milk in the living room so I could watch tv and sit up more comfortably than on my bed or in the tub. I hadn't been able to do it there since my brother moved in. It was only a little after 8 so I had a couple of hours, which should have been enough. I changed into some little tennis shorts, and grabbed a random t-shirt, some towels to lay out, and a large bowl from my kitchen. My hands were too shaky to bother finding something I wanted to watch so I just had the tv on and let it go to sleep while I started.
Usually I just kind of tease my nipples until they're hard, and then gently apply pressure, massaging the tissue around my nipples to get the milk flowing until my let down is set off. And then I help the flow by continuing to massage the milk from my breasts. But even just the lightest touch on my nipples almost burned with how tender everything was. I powered through until they were hard and then started to work up to massaging the sensitive tissue. It was excruciating, but I had no choice. I whimpered and groaned, and kept massaging my breasts to try and get the flow started, until it felt like it had been way too long. My nipples were achingly hard, and I could feel the milk ready to come, but nothing was happening. I wanted to cry, I needed the release so bad.
Sometimes even when I'm not excessively full, the milk doesn't start flowing until I'm more aroused. Usually I get that way automatically by handling my breasts, but right now the pain was so bad it was the last thing on my mind. I went ahead and grabbed my vibe from my bedroom, I figured the stimulation might help encourage the first few drops. I returned to the couch, pulled down my panties and just left them around my ankles. I leaned back a little and started to tease around my clit with the vibe on its low setting. Trying my best to focus on that sensation over the hot pain in my boobs. Around when I was finally making direct contact on my clit with the vibe, I started to see a little bead of milk form at my left nipple.
"Fucking FINALLY! Thank. Fucking. God!" I breathed to myself. I took the vibe to my mouth and got it slick so I could insert it and hope it would be enough to help more. Leaving it inside, I reached for the bowl, and put it on my lap. With both hands I started to knead my breast tissue, until both nipples had beads of milk. With a little more attention and stimulation I was able to get a few drops from each, and to give my breasts a bit of rest, I got up and took the vibe to my bathroom sink to clean when I was done, I just didn't need that additional distraction. I was still frustrated that I couldn't trigger my let down, and coaxed a few more drops into the bowl.
"Please, please, please, please, please" I just kept repeating. But I couldn't get more than a couple of drops. Tears started rolling down my cheeks from the frustration, and if I hadn't been so concentrated on the task at hand I would have probably broken into sobs I was in so much pain. I licked my finger tips and started to rub my clit a little more, pressing deliberately in a circle around the hood, hoping it would help, and finally I was able to get a full on squirt of milk into the bowl. I licked my fingers clean and started tugging at both breasts, both now releasing more and more milk. My let down still hadn't come into play, but it was at least better than nothing. The release didn't even feel good yet, it actually kind of hurt. But I knew I needed this milk out of me.
I was sitting hunched over the bowl a little, my knees spread, my panties around one ankle, just pulling at my nipples, and occasionally wincing in pain, tears still rolling down my cheeks, when suddenly I heard a key in the front door.
"FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHAT THE FUCK?!" I sort of shout/whispered in frustration. I scrambled and put the bowl on the coffee table, careful not to spill, until I remembered I never locked the door when I came home. I wanted to shout to prevent the door from being opened but I was so flustered and panicked that I couldn't form the words. The knob started turning and the door cracked and I did the only thing I could. I grabbed a nearby throw pillow and hugged it to my chest desperately as my brother stepped into the apartment, saw me, and stopped in his tracks.
"Um... what-" he stood there with the door open, probably not even for that long but I was on edge and panicked. I probably looked like a mess.
"PLEASE close the door!" I said, trying not to yell, my voice cracking out shakily. He suddenly snapped into action, closed the door and locked it. Before turning to me looking a little bit panicked.
"Are you okay? What's going on?" And then I think he started to take in the scene. I was obviously naked behind the pillow, trying my best to hide my crotch and my tits as I clutched it to me. My panties were on the floor. His eyes darted back to mine. "Were youuu...?" And then he looked at the table and saw the big bowl with the milk in it. He tilted his head in confusion and was about to speak when I felt my tears start coming again. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and my pulse pounding in my head from the embarrassment and the adrenaline.
In a calm and measured tone, I softly spoke. "Can you please... just go to your room for a second so I can clean up? I'll let you know when I'm done." I couldn't look him in the eye. I fixated on the corner of the coffee table, and he looked like he was about to express some sort of concern for a second before rethinking.
"Of course." He shouldered his laptop bag and quietly walked into his room, gently shutting the door. I waited a second to make sure everything was clear and then buried my face in the pillow for a second to let out a long shuddering sigh, trying not to burst into more tears. I pulled the pillow from my chest and didn't even know how to react to the steaks of milk that had run down the fabric. Figures after all that trouble getting anything out, my boobs would keep going after I stopped. I unzipped the cushion cover and checked to make sure the milk hadn't soaked through the fabric. Only maybe a drop had. I removed the cover and threw it in the wash along with the towel I had sat and semi-masturbated on. I bit my lip to keep the tears under control as I bent down to pick up my panties, and took the bowl with me into my room.
Moving to my bathroom, I sat down in the tub and gently started to massage my aching nipples again. They were still incredibly hard and dripping with milk, so at least I wouldn't have to work as hard now. I had brought the bowl with me but now that I was in the tub, I just didn't care and let the milk spray into my lap and around the tub. I closed my eyes and tried my best to collect myself, gently tugging at my breasts while sniffling constantly from crying earlier. I knew I'd probably be laughing about the situation later, but in that moment I just wanted to disappear.
I was able to milk enough to relieve most of the ache, and the adrenaline left my system, so I decided to stop for the time being and give my boobs a break until the tenderness went away. I took a quick shower, and as I dried off I went to grab my phone so I could text my brother that he could leave his room if he hadn't already. I already had missed texts from him.
