"Hi everyone, I've missed you. I hope you've missed me too!
I wanted to start by saying thank you for taking it a little easier on me during the wait for this one. I know it was a little longer, but there are 5 dates covered in it. I really am trying to get completely caught up. Hopefully this is worth the wait.
Also, there's a lot of lactation stuff in it, that doesn't seem to be bothering anyone nearly as much as I thought it would though, especially with all the comments I got after the last update mentioning I may have gotten some of you curious if not completely into it. But I just thought I'd warn the silent handful of you who might still be uncomfortable with that. This is also easily my most explicit post to date. I did initially try to keep things more vague but it didn't feel right to me and it made the writing sound more detached, so I just let myself enjoy reliving these moments as I cleaned them up. I feel like most of you would have preferred this way anyway.
I also really wanted to thank you all for the birthday wishes in my profile! I seriously didn't expect that much of a response, I felt so loved. I didn't think anyone would care about a non-update post from me like that. And also thank you to those of you who sent me gifts!!! I was a bit unsure whether I wanted to accept anything despite the numerous people expressing the desire to, but I really do appreciate it, and am surprised at the amount of you who were serious! Thank you so much! If anyone else is ever feeling generous my most recent personal post has the info.
Heads up, this post also exceeded the 40k character limit. So it continues in the comments!!!
-----------------------------------
Monday, June 17th 2019
I woke up from the most incredible dream today. So vivid. He was sucking my tits hungrily, and I was giving him so much milk, reveling in the feeling of it being drawn from me, the milk rushing through my nipples, the release of pressure, the sensation of his tongue occasionally brushing my sensitive nubs. He made me cum, there was just no avoiding it, it was too much for me to handle. I woke up soaking and flushed, minutes before my alarm went off.
I was actually kind of disoriented when I woke up from the dream. My nipples were aching in a different way, and I felt extremely rested. Not quite the kind of unsatisfied way I'd feel after a dream like that. And then I opened my phone and checked my notes and immediately remembered it was absolutely NOT a dream. I had straight up offered myself to my brother. I came for him last night. I had his lips on my breasts. I felt myself go hot and red, and felt my stomach doing flips. How the fuck do I talk to him after last night?
By the time I took my shower and got ready, he had already left for his class. Which now meant he would be waiting for me by the time I got home from work. I was going to have to sit at my desk all day, anxious about coming back.
Luckily/unluckily it was a busy day. It went by fast despite having to stay a little later. But then the drive home was excruciating. We needed to talk. There was no avoiding it. I had crossed a line last night... and I pulled him over it with me. We needed to talk about what that was going to mean for us. I was more nervous about this than when I confronted my ex about leaking the things I'd sent him. I was more nervous than when my dad found a totally unopened pregnancy test under my bathroom sink and I had to admit that I was sexually active (I wasn't having unprotected sex, I've actually never had unprotected sex, but I had the test just to be safe). I felt like I hit every single red light possible coming home, just drawing out the inevitable. And yet still, when I made it to the apartment... I sat in my car for a few minutes just feeling my heart beating in my chest. But eventually I did force myself to come inside, only to find that he wasn't even home.
In my nervousness over what I would say to him, I'd failed to notice his car wasn't even there. I texted him to ask where he was and if he was okay, and he said he was fine, but that he'd be home late because he was working at school. I was starting to worry that... maybe last night had been too much, and now he wasn't comfortable being around me. I felt such a weird mix of emotions over the whole thing. I forced myself to eat something and tried to milk a little bit, but because of the anxiety of the day, I was feeling pretty drained and ended up going to bed early.
--------------------------------------
Friday, June 21st 2019
We've missed each other all week. I've had late nights, and so has he. But this whole thing has been killing me. I can't delay this any longer, I need to talk to him about Monday.
He's started another group project so I knew he'd potentially be home a little late, but I made sure he'd have to face me when he got home, now that I could stay up as late as I needed to. While before I was just nervous about the conversation, now I was nervous because I hadn't seen him since that night, and I had no idea what he was feeling about me, if he was upset with me or what. His texts sounded normal, but I was actually a little afraid of how he would look at me after how I'd behaved that night. I didn't have to wait long to find out, however. He came home about an hour after I did.
I was sitting in the chair that faces away from the door, still in my clothes from work. I was sitting sideways with my legs over the arm so I could see the door, and when he came in and we locked eyes, I felt like my heart stopped. I couldn't read his face at all. But he closed the door and came closer.
"Hey," he said as he approached, "I've missed you this week!" He smiled, and it made me feel better. Clearly he didn't hate me or think any less of me. In truth he was his usual self. But his smile faltered and I could tell I wasn't being myself.
"Me too." Was all I could say.
"Is.... everything okay? You look kind of pale."
That kind of caught my attention and I felt my face grow hot.
"Well, you DID look kind of pale?" He observed, and it actually got a slight chuckle out of me before I felt the anxiety return. I looked up at him, pleadingly.
"Have you been avoiding me?" I asked as evenly as I could muster.
He looked genuinely confused. "What? No! I- it really has been a busy week. I- why would I be avoiding you?"
"Well, because of... Look, umm... this is really hard, okay? But... about Monday-" I started.
Now it was his turn to go red. He tensed and I wish I could have read his mind.
"-We need to talk about it. Okay?" I said softly while I sat up.
"Yeah..." he admitted as he set down his messenger bag and sat on the couch facing me.
We sat in silence, and I was wringing my hands, trying to figure out how to start. I opened my mouth to talk a few times before changing my approach. And finally the words came.
