My mother is everything I'm not: beautiful, elegant, outgoing, tall, skinny, and straight. It isn't easy growing up as a chubby girl when you have a woman like that as your mother. Once I got out of my awkward teenage years, my weight stopped bothering me for the most part, but every once in a while, my self-consciousness came back and hit me like a dump truck full of doubt. It certainly didn't help that I was still a virgin at 19; my head filled with questions like "Why don't any girls like me?" and "Is it because I'm fat?"
I was in one of those moods one Thursday afternoon, sulking on the lounge, when my mother was about to leave for her yoga class. As always, she was a vision - her curly, dark hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, the perfect amount of makeup that seemed to stay on no matter how sweaty she got, her bright blue tank exercise top exposing just the right amount of cleavage, and good god, those tight, black yoga pants. The synthetic fabric hugged her firm, round, sculpted ass so perfectly you could barely take in any of her other amazing features. Okay, so I might've neglected to mention that I was a little in love with my mother. But, honestly, could you blame me?
"I'm heading to yoga now, Hailey," she called, her hand on the doorknob. She looked at me and paused. "Hey, sweetie? Are you okay?"
I sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing."
She dropped her handbag at the door and sat next to me on the couch. "Come on, honey, what is it?"
"Just the same old stuff. Look, I don't want you to be late for your yoga."
"That can always wait. Now, tell me what's gotten you down."
I could tell this wasn't going to stop, no matter how much I wanted it to. "Fine," I sighed. "I'm fat and ugly and nobody wants to go out with me, probably because I'll never be as skinny as you or any of the girls in por-" Oh shit. I could already feel my cheeks tingling with embarrassment. "-Uh, in magazines. See? Like I said, just the same old stuff. Now will you go to your damn yoga?" Real smooth, Hailey. Cover up your stupid mistake with anger. Always a winner.
Mum stared down into space just near my right foot for a few seconds. Then, finally, she spoke. "First of all, I don't care that you watch porn. Whatever you need. It doesn't matter. Second, and more importantly, you're not ugly. No way in hell. You're absolutely beautiful, no matter what size you are. All you need is a bit of confidence, honey. That's what people pick up on - way more than weight."
"Well that's easy for you to say. Look at you, Mum - it's not hard to be confident when you look like that. Some of us need a fair bit more help, especially those of us who weigh more than 100 kilos."
"If you want my advice...?"
I nodded. Like I said, I needed all the help I could get.
"Even something as simple as a change in wardrobe can do wonders for a girl's self esteem. We need to get you into clothes that show off your curves, instead of trying to hide yourself."
I looked down at my outfit: Jeans and a loose-fitting button-up shirt. I guess what she was saying was right; I did dress to hide my body rather than show it off. But when you're bigger like I am, it's hard to find sexy clothes that fit. I lamented this fact to Mum, then she told me to stand up. I asked why, only for her to repeat her instruction. She's damn persistent when she wants to be. I stood up and faced my mother.
"Now, take off your top," she ordered.
"What the hell, Mum? Why?"
"You know how much I dislike repeating instructions, Hailey. Just do it."
I'd already made her miss her yoga class with my sulking, so I don't want to risk pissing Mum off any further. Reluctantly, I started unbuttoning my shirt. My mother stared at me intently as I undid my buttons, first revealing my cleavage, then my bra, and finally my belly.
"All the way off, Hailey," Mum said in what I call her "getting impatient" voice.
I slid my shirt off my shoulders and dropped it onto the floor beside me, crossing my arms in front of my flabby tummy.
"Nope. Hands by your sides." I did as my mother told me. She looked at me for a second or two before she announced, "Actually, we're not done. Take your pants off now, darling."
"But Mum-"
"I'm your mother, Hailey. You've got nothing I don't already know about, and nothing I haven't already seen before. I used to bathe you, remember?"
"Yeah, but that was before... all this." I gestured to my torso.
"I already said you've got nothing to be ashamed of, honey. Now get to it. Jeans off."